Blessed be the Name of the Lord
I was walking my dog the other day...one of those forced walks I have to take when Joseph has decided to start attacking me and I have to leave my Mom and sister at his mercy in the hope that he will calm down with me, the aggravating presence, gone.
I cried as I walked. Despair. Despondency. An utter, "Oh, God, what ARE You doing." An I can't take any more. We can't.
And through the tears and mascara smears, I talked out loud to God. (And yes, this is a very selfish list. I know Mom, Sam and Joseph have lost even more.)
God, what are You doing? How much more are You going to do? Look at what I've lost. My father, who I never really had anyway. My home. My church. My belongings. My neighbours. My Squadron. My best friend, who meant more than most of any of it to me. Nearly the whole circle of my close friends. And I nearly lost my MP3 and my trip to the States, only God gave them back to me. My internet is spaced out, and I can lose it completely for two days at a time. My forearms are irritated by constantly burning, itching or dried eczema. My brother is mentally ill and causes physical fights nearly every day. I'm still trying to deal with my past. My sister's going through a divorce. And I've forgotten some things, but it doesn't matter.
One verse came into my heart. It was the same one that God showed me when I walked back from town in tears after I used £140 of my USA money for something necessary (when there was very little hope of going) and my MP3 broke - there was little hope of replacing it.
Job 1:20,21
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshipped.
He said,
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked I shall return there
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the LORD."
In one day, Job lost his livestock, most of his servants bar four, and all of his children. And no, that wasn't the end of it. Job later lost his bodily health, all of his friends and his wife - though not physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Why? Because Satan said that Job only honoured God because God blessed him. And the Lord knew that when faith is truly based in Him, then the dark times only make faith stronger and burn brighter, but Satan thought it would destroy him.
Did Job doubt? Oh, yes. Did he question why? Definitely.
When the first lot of troubles came, "through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God."
By the end of his bodily health's destruction and his wife's turning on him, we have this.
"But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips."
I think Job must've rebelled in his mind at what came upon him. From being one of the most respected, honoured and wealthy men in the East, he became one of the poorest and most despised, for no apparent reason but the hand of the Lord had stopped blessing him.
In the darkest times of life is when the whirlwind of God will come upon us, and when we will come face to face with His power. Then He will speak, and we will listen. He may or may not show us why, but know that in all of it, He is making us strong in Him. Drawing us closer. Purifying us.
I don't know why God's putting me through this right now. Why God's putting any of us through this. My friends say that they are convinced God has a big plan for me in the future, but I can't see it, or even if so, how He is going to use this in that.
I go by two favourite quotes: "This too will pass" and "There is always somebody who is worse off than you."
One thing I know, however much I scream and cry against this, however much I slump to the floor and protest that I can't carry on, it's then that He carries me. It's this that draws me close to Him, even if I'm only resting in His arms.
Listen to the stillness, for it's then that you will hear His voice.
I cried as I walked. Despair. Despondency. An utter, "Oh, God, what ARE You doing." An I can't take any more. We can't.
And through the tears and mascara smears, I talked out loud to God. (And yes, this is a very selfish list. I know Mom, Sam and Joseph have lost even more.)
God, what are You doing? How much more are You going to do? Look at what I've lost. My father, who I never really had anyway. My home. My church. My belongings. My neighbours. My Squadron. My best friend, who meant more than most of any of it to me. Nearly the whole circle of my close friends. And I nearly lost my MP3 and my trip to the States, only God gave them back to me. My internet is spaced out, and I can lose it completely for two days at a time. My forearms are irritated by constantly burning, itching or dried eczema. My brother is mentally ill and causes physical fights nearly every day. I'm still trying to deal with my past. My sister's going through a divorce. And I've forgotten some things, but it doesn't matter.
One verse came into my heart. It was the same one that God showed me when I walked back from town in tears after I used £140 of my USA money for something necessary (when there was very little hope of going) and my MP3 broke - there was little hope of replacing it.
Job 1:20,21
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshipped.
He said,
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked I shall return there
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the LORD."
In one day, Job lost his livestock, most of his servants bar four, and all of his children. And no, that wasn't the end of it. Job later lost his bodily health, all of his friends and his wife - though not physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Why? Because Satan said that Job only honoured God because God blessed him. And the Lord knew that when faith is truly based in Him, then the dark times only make faith stronger and burn brighter, but Satan thought it would destroy him.
Did Job doubt? Oh, yes. Did he question why? Definitely.
When the first lot of troubles came, "through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God."
By the end of his bodily health's destruction and his wife's turning on him, we have this.
"But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips."
I think Job must've rebelled in his mind at what came upon him. From being one of the most respected, honoured and wealthy men in the East, he became one of the poorest and most despised, for no apparent reason but the hand of the Lord had stopped blessing him.
In the darkest times of life is when the whirlwind of God will come upon us, and when we will come face to face with His power. Then He will speak, and we will listen. He may or may not show us why, but know that in all of it, He is making us strong in Him. Drawing us closer. Purifying us.
I don't know why God's putting me through this right now. Why God's putting any of us through this. My friends say that they are convinced God has a big plan for me in the future, but I can't see it, or even if so, how He is going to use this in that.
I go by two favourite quotes: "This too will pass" and "There is always somebody who is worse off than you."
One thing I know, however much I scream and cry against this, however much I slump to the floor and protest that I can't carry on, it's then that He carries me. It's this that draws me close to Him, even if I'm only resting in His arms.
Listen to the stillness, for it's then that you will hear His voice.
This is very encouraging.
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