Soap for Jesus

As 2014 approaches its final season, I realise that I have been blogging for almost five years. I originally started this blog to talk about my adventures in the Air Cadets. Quickly, it became a place to share my thoughts and glimpses of my life, fun and laughter and occasionally tears. As my world turned upside down, it expanded to embrace a new mission - what I'd learned, how I'd grown, to reach out and try to help others to see that they are not alone. I started OYAN around the same time that I started the Air Cadets; later on, during my backsliding period of 2010, I was convinced to join the Rebelution - as well as make friends with a guy called Jay Lauser - and I made a bunch of new friends. Blogger was popular, and I added many of my friends as bloggers. Then Wordpress kicked in, and Blogger was past top-dog. One or two moved to Tumblr. Some moved to a different blogspot. Some created their own websites. I kept them on the little list to the side of my blog, for p...

Standing in the cold, hands in my pockets with cars splashing past, I gaze up at the inky blue sky. No stars are out, for it's heavy with clouds. Kinda hard to believe that the shortest day has come and gone. Soon, though, the difference will start to show. Six long months of waiting, and light will come again. Light will always come again...until the Light of the World comes to outshine it forever. It's a night like any other. The X51 is late. It's always late recently, and my skin is a grey-purply-white shade when it arrives at the bus stop, 20 minutes after me. I'm in jeans and a jumper, like I would be any other dress down day before Christmas. "Days of Elijah" is on repeat and I'm having a hard time not singing aloud. Thoughts are busy romping in my head though. Cause this is the last night I shall ever travel home on the X51 from work. I glance up the street as I board the bus. Emotions are mixed as I prepare not only to change my travel, but...

Imagine - I don't care whether you're the imagining type or not, close your eyes and imagine here :D - imagine you're on the edge of a dark forest, looking out across a field of fresh snow. The sun is about to rise, and as the first few glints bounce off the ground, you see that the snow is completely white, pure, unbroken. It looks. Totally. Stunning. Purity does. :) There's no way home except to cross that field. But as you look down at your feet, you realise that there's a mess of gunk and black stuff and mud and slime covering your wellies, from walking through the forest. But you're a snow lover and you really don't want to spoil that snow. Cautiously, you step to a nearby stream of crystal clear, flowing water and one at a time, take each boot off and wash it. Cause after all, you've only got two choices. To trail the gunk of the forest into the pure clean unmarked snow, or to walk out with fresh clean steps. It's called a New Year,...

It doesn't matter in the end. Whether friendship or love is reciprocated. Both are based on God's love to man - a model of it. We are to love unconditionally. It took a lot for me to let go. Still does. I'm still letting go. Constantly. And fighting it. But walking away from the bus, I couldn't help but smile. I've wondered so often about my friend (the only one I really have in this area in Britain) as our relationship has really gone up and down. From stuff he says sometimes, I wonder if he even counts me as a friend at all. In the end, it doesn't matter. It's hard when we extend our friendship, or give our love, and don't have it returned. Indeed, most times the reaction is to hurt, retreat and close down on the pain until it's faded or gone. The world teaches that if you get hurt repeatedly, in the end, love and friendship dies. So it does. Unless you're loving with Christ's love. When He fills you with His love to love out, when ...

This week has been one of getting lost in God's presence and doing what I love most - reaching out and being there to support, encourage and lift people up in prayer together before the Lord. Next week will be one of doubt, despair, darkness and sadness surrounding, seeping, overpowering from all directions. Question is...will I give in? Will the darkness encompass and take over my soul, or will I let it drive me towards the Rock of Ages? Will I feed on Him and feast in Him and drown myself in Him and continue to struggle on to shine His life and His light out, or will I let go and give way piece by piece on what I believe and/or know to be true, and watch the darkness come in? Darkness always creeps in by the shadows. But light always follows the night. If I say, surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be(come) as night - (why!) even the darkness is not dark to Thee! And the night is as bright as the day! Psalm 139 God is so kind. So gentle...

No, it's not the Apostle. No, we haven't taken in anyone by the name of Peter, and yes, I'm still single and living under my mother's roof. Before y'all panic. For the past three years, I've undergone severe writer's block on "my novel", Born From Death. As some of you are aware, it was based on a conflict at my Squadron between a few cadets and myself, regarding Christianity, indecent talk on the Squadron, blasphemy, etc. In retaliation and the only method of revenge I could, I decided to write a book where my main antagonist was born again. Thus...Born From Death was born. Chapter 10 was written. Then sections from 2, 1, 11, 5, 12, 9 and 3. The plot was fitting together beautifully. I gave the book to Christ and asked Him to write and use it for His glory. Then the unthinkable happened. I fell in love with the guy my main character, Peter Westcott, was based off. And he left the Squadron one beautiful, painful month later. An...

They say that there is a silver lining to every cloud. An added unique tint to every note of a song of pain. And sooner or later, in every darkness, the shadow reduces just enough to see a faint outline, or a glimmer. God. Is. Totally. Amazing. In case you didn't catch that before. GOD IS SO AMAZING!! This is a testimony blog post, so if you don't likey, you has permission to click the big red X. :D I'm typing this freshly awake from my lengthy sleep, which was induced by five hours of mowing and strimming the gardens yesterday (which look amazing, according to Mom! :D) moving heavy pots around and hauling three fence panels upright (while the neighbour man watched me. Nice guy.) It's kinda funny, cause the last time I cut the grass (Uncle Peter has done it since then, except no one did it in the winter months) was the night before I flew out to Kansas. I looked up at the planes flying over in the twilight and the stars beginning to twinkle, thinking, tomorr...

My head's in a muddle. Two girls. One way fulfilling, meeting the eager hungers of what I want to be. Meaning I have to use boundless energy, stand alone, take responsibility. One way dark, confused, promising clouds and pain. One will meet what I am and want now, test and fire and grow me in those areas. The other will change me, show me new places as yet untrodden, take me into strength beyond strength not of my own. The girl strolling around B&Q in the careless hair-do, unrefreshed makeup, sleeveless white top and blue jeans; abandoning all her dreams right now, throwing herself heart and soul into the work of the Royal Air Force Association and the Royal British Legion, changing jobs and climbing steadily onwards and upwards towards her goal of joining the Royal Air Force, becoming heavily involved in the Air Training Corps, working towards her commission. The girl who gets involved in politics, with that potential energy lying underneath, still masked, the g...

Life's a rough trail, and most of us take the wrong track at some point on the journey. I'm guessing roughly, but for girls, I'd say about three fourths of us, especially in this modern age, have lost virtual or physical purity along the way. Those that are Christians or that later come to Christ may feel something terribly empty inside. Disconnected. Broken. Isolated. Like there's a hole that can't be filled. And a terrible deep sense of guilt. Shame. Dirt. For those that have been pure a long time, or that were subjected to rape, it can lead to self harm or even worse. There is something terribly wrong. A unity meant to last forever has been broken apart. A forever minimised down to a here-and-now. A wealth of meaning diminished to a trivial circumstance. One of the most sacred things in creation has been dragged down into the mud. And we look up at the sky and choke on our tears. For now that we have lost that which made us set apart, what man of the kind that we...

This is a big topic of small importance... I attended the OYAN Summer Workshop 2011 last year (well, obviously last year). And loved it and everything to pieces. (I think you were still intact when I got home though... *glances at her trident*) I spent two months in the States. 2 weeks in Kansas, 2 weeks in Oklahoma, 1 week in Oregon, 1 week in Texas and 2 more weeks in Kansas. June 15 - August 16. I am not a millionaire and family circumstances were such last year that it is a total miracle that I even got there, much less to travel that extensively. My families took care of me and loved me and God bless them very, very much. Thank you. I fell in love with America while I was there. I'm a passionate British patriot, but I feel two totally different ways about both countries. America and Britain are not perfect - but America is a new land. A beautiful land. A new life. A fresh start. And chock full of my friends and people I love. Long and short of this being, due to my family'...

Here's something I chatted into my MP3 when walking home from Walsall after work about a week ago - or less. Enjoy my British accent, and I pray the thoughts will bless you! Apologies for random comments and words though...and the interruptions! They cover modesty, music and trust, and the old and new nature. Things God's trying/starting to teach me. :) Learning and Changing God bless! ~Mademoiselle Sian

It's 10:54 am. Probably be later by the time I finish writing this. Thirty (yes, thirty - I was counting) thirty Peppa Pig episodes later, I carry my finally sleeping (yes, I know, Mr. S, OYANers. Adverbs.) Okay, I'll stop interrupting myself cause it's getting annoying. Thirty Peppa Pig episodes later, I finally carry my sleeping nephew upstairs to his bed and tuck him in, praying desperately under my breath that he will not waken. Today's not been a good day from start to finish...woke up late, accomplished little and what I did accomplish wasn't what I'd particularly aimed to do. People I wanted or hoped to talk to, things either went wrong in the conversation or else, as with tonight because of babysitting, I didn't get online until a few moments before my friend went offline - so we were able to exchange goodbyes. It's also one of those terrible days when I lose words. When I can't really pry deeply into someone's heart or attempt to reach o...

Okay, I'm going crazy here. :D From my impulsive decision to launch S4C tonight, this afternoon, and sending a scrambled email around to the other team members, to throwing together hastily the advertising suggested by my website creator and manager Kyle Johnston , I've been really nervous all day. For advertising, I've blogged, tweeted, FBed, Buzzed, chat statused and posted on the Rebelution Attic thread and on OYAN's RD thread. Four registrants have joined the forum - a warm welcome to Stephy, Lady_Adrienne, Haitch and Butterfly! God moves in mysterious ways - Attic Moderator (also S4C editor and my big sister) Carissa Mann visited the Attic Greenhouse Thread and she hadn't in ages...found my topic, told me where to edit it and then posted it live. It's starting a startlingly lively discussion on OYAN, too! It's also being reshared out across Buzz, Facebook and Twitter. I'm so thrilled! God is moving and blessing it! Praise the Lord! I'd like to ...

Hello! I've not been an official Rebelutionary that long, but some of you know me... Recently, the Lord laid on my heart that while there are many websites and books out there preparing girls for marriage, there aren't that many dealing with the single years. Not long ago, I saw a post on Facebook where a girl had a dream of helping children and becoming a missionary, but of course, she "couldn't do that until God gave her a husband." So she was going to sit around and do nothing towards what she believed God had called her, because she didn't think she could do it without a husband. I believe in the goals of serving the family at home before marriage, for young women, but a lot of young women seem to think they can't use passions for God before they marry. I think we can. I've been praying for someone to start a website for young single women, to encourage them in God, to support and encourage regular Bible reading and prayer, to discuss Scriptural pr...

Don't you just hate the twang of conviction...when you know you've done wrong and you feel like you're sitting on pins and needles, trying to pacify your conscience with good works and knowing all the time that you need to repent? Don't you just love the twang of conviction...when you know you've done wrong and the Spirit of God reveals it to you? Don't you revel in the comfort of the pain because you KNOW that you are not so far from God that it's just a little discomfort instead of a deep, soul-writhing conviction? God cares. The closer you get to Him, the more you are wrapped up in Him. The more you are wrapped up in Him, the sharper the needle sting of conviction over every sin in your life. When you're chastised, He loves you. He will the more readily chastise you for sin if you are willing and seeking to be made as Himself. So don't hate conviction. Praise Him for it even as you seek His pardon. Like I'm going to have to. God bless! In Chri...

Studying the artwork of Stephen Lauser , looking at the photography of Jacob Lauser and the writing of Matthew Lauser . Time for a bit of promoting! Make sure you click on the links. ;) When I look around me, I'm amazed to watch what God's doing in this generation through inspirational young men and women. Girls who serve their families, reach out to the world through blogs and websites, using their various skills and talents in ways God has given them. Girls like Carissa Mann , with her great editing and organising talents, who balances helping her family with changing other people's lives and her many blogs. Her bright faith, hope and passion reach out and inspire many. The same can be said of Hillary Hipps , Kaitland Conley , Rachel Garner , Grace Garner , Janae Leeke , Rebeka Fry , Anjelica Childs and so many others. Guys like Jay Lauser (okay, I admit the world cannot imitate the achievements of the Lausers - but why not, in other areas?) who has create...

Eleven months ago, I took my first steps outside of my house alone, as I took the dog for a walk around the streets I used to travel with my ex-best friend Gemma, on the start of what would become much-loved and much-sought prayer walks. There's something about walking, walking for a long while, that clears your mind, uplifts your spirit and gives a sense of independence. No other method of transport can do that to you (and if you think about it, walking is the only one God designed us for!). Eleven months ago, I was depressed, broken-hearted, enslaved to several addictions, heavily emotionally dependent on several people and doing anything within my power to flee from and numb myself to emotional pain, even if it meant inflicting more. Within a year, I have gone from walking those streets to taking my first taxi ride, first train rides, first bus ride and first plane flights (subsequently eleven flights!) on my own. :D Within a year, God has brought people into my life who h...

Climbing up onto the rough log fence, I stretched my arms out for balance and looked down at my feet. The surface was slippery. Two logs, roughly fitted together with a nail through the ends, formed the basic, repetitive structure all around the edge of the playground. I like adventure, to some degree. Daring feats like climbing wobbly tree logs and walking on them, or dancing around a shop aisle laughing at people's expressions. Yep, I love being nineteen and having the freedom to do that. I also like the internal lessons God teaches through it. Like today. I soon realised that by walking carefully, watching every next step I was going to take, would lead to overcarefulness and I would fall. By walking confidently with arms outstretched for balance, and consciously quelling the fear of "I'M GOING TO FALL!" inside, I was LESS likely to fall than if I gave every conscious moment over to the fear that I was very likely to fall. By taking my eyes off the log and keeping ...

1 - Friends to kid around with. Thank you, Adam, for making my day lighter. 2 - Phones and computers to share burdens with. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and prayers. 3 - For the sunshine outside. It reminds me God is still on the Throne and loves us enough to send the light in this very dark hour. 4 - For the nearness of the presence of God, even though we cannot feel His hand right now. 5 - Friends that come at a moment's call. Thank you, Brian, for coming after hearing the state we are all in. 6 - The few personal possessions we DO have. The Son of Man had nowhere to lay His head. 7 - Family being near and supportive in thought and action where possible. Thank you to my siblings and my Mom's family for your thoughts, help and prayers. 8 - For America being one week away, and God providing people to be around my Mom while I'm gone. 9 - For the sweet smell of the ground after the rain fall. 10 - Good music and a brother who encouraged me to put "Ever, Ever Af...

So you need a rather rapid update. Recently, my Mom, Jose and myself have moved house. We went beyond the range of the BT Openzone hotspot, so I spent the first night scouring the list of connections. At present, I'm connecting to an open network called TP-LINK. I have two bars of connection, which is better than the BT one, and it breaks less frequently. On June 1st, Mom is having a BT landline installed, which will give us broadband back. God is very gracious. For the next three weeks, my life is going to be intensely busy before I practically disappear offline for two months. I will be taking my laptop and camera with me to the States, so watch out for updates, etc. :D Unfortunately, I won't be able to get a video camera, so you'll have to suffice with piccies. :) I'm trying to sort out the details of my trip at the moment, so when that is finalised as much as can be with the families I'd like to visit, I'll update you. For now, I'm trying to visit Texas,...