Soap for Jesus

Tonight, as you all know, OYANers convene in Olathe, Kansas. I'VE MET SOME!!!!!! *screech* We have, staying at the Garners, Wayfarer - Lindsey, Hakuna Matata - Erynn, Narniahannah - Hannah. Downstairs in the basement, silence and peace surrounds the sleeping forms of Rachel (Nairam), Grace (Grace), Carolyn, Erynn and Hannah. Um. Not in the corner of the next room on Jane's bed where Lindsey and I are curled up with my computer exploring Google Earth. At nearly 2 am. Lindsey moves over because of cramp in her foot and nearly sits on my eyelash curler. Me: Watch it! Lindsey: Oh, it's an eyelash curler. Me: Yes! It goes squeeze, umph and the eyelashes curl up. Lindsey: I know, I have one! Mine's Mary Kay. It's less sophisticated. Me: What's Mary Kay? Lindsey: You don't know who Mary Kay is...? Me:...nooooo? Lindsey: She's like this big make-up and skin care entrepreneur and she's really famous. Did you know Mary Kay even has her own copyrighted colour o

A few more thoughts popped into my head before I shoot off to bed at what is rapidly approaching 3:00 am. Yes, I know...this is the latest I've been up in the last week and a half. :P I have a habit of holding myself up to other people that I admire or are admired for the right reasons - consciously or subconsciously - and condemning myself for the lack therein of the good characteristics. A criticism, if given in a rough, blunt and ungentle manner, can be worse than a knife to me, and that comparison is not given lightly. One of the habits I have, that has often caused me grief and pain, is my openness of emotion and free expression of thought, etc. It has been condemned, by me, by others, and I've learned to look on it as a bad thing, to be as open as I am with people. I'm not meaning we should cry our every feeling out to the open public (ie, Mrs. Bennet); as little valued as it is, they'd be bored and we'd be hurt - not to mention the lack of privacy or of provi

I DON'T HATE COMMENTS. :D ~Jane

I want to write tonight, and I’ve no idea what to write about. So many things are whirling about in my head; I feel as if I’m in a dream. I’m looking at the cards next to me and find it almost impossible to believe that today I enter my twentieth year. Nineteen years old. 6935 days spent on this planet – not counting before I was born. 166440 hours spent on earth – and what have I done for Christ? I have only one life. One life to live. I can use it for good or ill. Actually, I can’t. I can use it for ill, or I can surrender it in its entirety – every act, thought, word, deed – into the Hands of God. Only He can use it for good. For His glory. I look back over the past nineteen years. I’m tempted to look at the darkness. The messed up childhood. The living for myself even after I surrendered my life to Christ at 6. The suicidal depression in my early teens. My heart, sworn to Christ and purity, that I take to give to a worldly guy who never wanted it. The websites. The black depression

I nearly crashed last night, and it was only by the grace of God that I didn't go fully down. This morning leads to repentance with tears, as I realise that like Peter, who is coming to be one of my favourite Biblical characters in that I can identify with him in several ways, I took my eyes off Christ, Whose power gives me the strength to stand, and looked at the roaring waves around me. Indeed, they are steep. As I type this, I am uncertain whether and cannot find out if my father is dead or living. My brother attacked my mother again yesterday, bruising her already bruised leg again, and leaving me with much fear for my trip to the USA. On top of that, I spent nearly two hours in a minibus with cadets yesterday, where nearly every song had horrible swear words that even I would never use or else had hidden to blatant sexual connotations. (I was the only girl in a group of four boys.) The whole trip there and back was spent in tears. And we wonder why our kids end up the way they

1 - Friends to kid around with. Thank you, Adam, for making my day lighter. 2 - Phones and computers to share burdens with. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and prayers. 3 - For the sunshine outside. It reminds me God is still on the Throne and loves us enough to send the light in this very dark hour. 4 - For the nearness of the presence of God, even though we cannot feel His hand right now. 5 - Friends that come at a moment's call. Thank you, Brian, for coming after hearing the state we are all in. 6 - The few personal possessions we DO have. The Son of Man had nowhere to lay His head. 7 - Family being near and supportive in thought and action where possible. Thank you to my siblings and my Mom's family for your thoughts, help and prayers. 8 - For America being one week away, and God providing people to be around my Mom while I'm gone. 9 - For the sweet smell of the ground after the rain fall. 10 - Good music and a brother who encouraged me to put "Ever, Ever Af

So you need a rather rapid update. Recently, my Mom, Jose and myself have moved house. We went beyond the range of the BT Openzone hotspot, so I spent the first night scouring the list of connections. At present, I'm connecting to an open network called TP-LINK. I have two bars of connection, which is better than the BT one, and it breaks less frequently. On June 1st, Mom is having a BT landline installed, which will give us broadband back. God is very gracious. For the next three weeks, my life is going to be intensely busy before I practically disappear offline for two months. I will be taking my laptop and camera with me to the States, so watch out for updates, etc. :D Unfortunately, I won't be able to get a video camera, so you'll have to suffice with piccies. :) I'm trying to sort out the details of my trip at the moment, so when that is finalised as much as can be with the families I'd like to visit, I'll update you. For now, I'm trying to visit Texas,

WARNING: NOT FOR YOUNGER OR INNOCENT READERS. Wrote this for Snapshots. Opinions?? 'She stared at the screen, tears pouring down her twisted face. "What does he know, or care?" A little voice inside of her whispered. "You're just another human...a worthless body, a lazy, selfcentred bitch. She's right...everyone who tells you that must be right. Because you see it in yourself. You lazy, good-for-nothing, cutting harlot." Burying her face in the crook of her arm, she sobbed quietly into the cushion on the arm of the chair, trying to suppress the louder sobs that would bring down her already angry and weeping mother. She raised her soaked face and studied the computer screen again, reading the type that a faceless person had sent, begging her, pleading with her not to cut. Glancing down at the knife on her lap, she pulled the kitchen towel out, ready to soak up the blood when she'd made the cut - or two - that would send her into a state of shocked num

I'm really excited over this project idea God has given me. Not just because of the potential it has to encourage and bless others, if done and used rightly, but because of the lessons to be had! The last main thing in my life God taught me a hard lesson through was through being in love. He's still teaching me that. Now He's brought this in! I'm so excited! Here are a few of the lessons I can see coming ahead. Humility, Submission, Obedience, Accepting Instruction, Closer Prayer: I must not be proud and act like I own this project or the ideas or inspiration but keep it humble, give God the glory, act only on His leading and not my own ideas, and give it back to God daily. I also must learn to listen to the advice and guidance of others, in accordance with what God is leading. Faithfulness, Self Control, God-reliance: I need to stop looking at my blog posts about this for readers and comments to see if many people are excited, and instead act in faith that God will bri

My sister Kiehl and I have been learning something about patience recently, as we watched first distant acquaintances, then family friends, then family start courting, get engaged, get married. We're 19, Kiehl and I. She's one day older than me, and my closest girl friend, in a way. And we both struggle with the same problems. And we fall out and make up again. To my mind, we're as good as real sisters with an ocean between us. I love her to bits, even if I can't always find the words to tell her so. Recently, one of our most common struggles has been our single status. And I watch it in a lot of my friends. I'm not quite sure exactly why we want to hit that mark of "marriage material". Maybe because it is recognised by everyone in the Christian circle as a symbol of being "grown up" and "responsible". Which is about the same level as being recognised by the world as old enough to sleep around. I know singleness is hard. I've lived,

I HAS A NEW BUTTON ON MY BLOG! Yes, there it is! Right at the bottom! Look, it'sh pwettyful! :D It's a Google Plus 1 button. And look, there are some more, shortened as suggested by my big brother Jay Lauser . Thoughty, interesty, and encouragy. You know, this is probably one of the most selfish posts out. But I really, really, really appreciate you letting me know what you think by clicking one of those teeny buttons! :D In Christ, ~Janie