Soap for Jesus

Staring blankly at the screen, or out the window, coming back to myself with the realisation that the words are pounding through my head; "He's gone. He lied. Like all the others. And he's never coming back. He's gone. Forever." Biting down on my lip to escape the moan as the tears well up in my eyes again. I grab the mouse and click onto the next comment, head held proudly, not going to let the row of colleagues sitting facing me see my grief. Too late. The tears splash down my face, making sharp cracky sounds as they hit the paper I'm working from. Ash, my colleague next to me, laughs a bit uneasily. "You were crying yesterday. Isn't that enough now?" He's half teasing, I know. I answer with a half smile, "For a broken heart? Na. I'll be crying for many days yet." "Many days...?" He let his voice trail off. Yeah, not many people are getting this. "It's just normal boy/girl stuff," they say. "

Today is the day I learn what the last three years of fire have forged the girl into. Today is the day I discover exactly who I define myself to be. Today is the day I find out exactly where my relationship with God stands. Today is the day I take the first step in the second life I forged for myself. Today is the day I make choices and close doors. Today is the day I take the ring from my finger and see exactly what I do with myself. Today is the day I learn how to breathe without exploding into tears. Today is the day I have a new name and a new soul. Today is the day I learn to live with half a heart. I am Siân Garner-Jones. I am 21 years old. I was born in Walsall and I live in the UK. I am the daughter of a paedophile and exploited by many other guys. My heart has been broken twice. I am The Survivor. God comes first, now and always. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord. I live without regrets. And no one gets in my way.

Some of you readers may remember that last year in October, I posted a blog called, " Smashing the Laws of Pharisaical Parenthood ." Today is a follow-up to that. There is one example I can find in the Bible of parents and children in regards to marriage. Note: I am not going off the time period that the Bible was set in, where kids were married off by their parents - which is virtually what happens today. And what's going on NOW is a control idea found in the conservative Christian churches, demonstrated in the following article, written by Caleigh Royer. Relationships, A Series: Part One . If you start reading them, make sure you get to the end of the series before you come back with a response. :) As many young people as I have witnessed being torn apart by parents for as trivial as an issue as, "We conflict with the father and the marriage should involve both families," when they read this article, they're always, "THIS IS SO FAMILIAR. *tea

A leaf is a pretty small thing. It grows on a tree early in the year, sticky green with newness. It absorbs chlorophyll from the sunlight all year, providing shady dappled cover. In the autumn, some leaves have one blaze of glory before they turn brown, crinkle and drop to the ground. There they lie until they rot, grieved by some who, in the winter, miss their symbolism of summer sunshine and trampled carelessly by most who only curse their slipperiness. It leaves a mark on the tree, though - a leaf scar where it once quivered and danced. No other leaf can grow there. Leaves have the majority of their moments of glory when they're in unusual situations. When they're squished in a pile of heavy books to preserve their beauty...when they're bedecked with lacy ice in a sudden frost...when cast on the bonfire and suddenly the blaze of light is pouring out of the holes for seconds before it shimmmers into shreds and the light burns brighter...when dancing on the tangled threa

When you're patrolling the daily pattern... And no one seems to be bothered about your plans... Life moves on for everyone else... You feel forgotten and put on the shelf... Like everyone's left you behind and judged you into a box of useless... You think God's finished with you... When you start to let yourself believe that your life is done and you've served God's purpose... Has He finished with me now? God bless, ~Siân

So Mandisa is playin' and my fingers are a'clickin' and my mind is a'whirlin' and I canna' sit still more'n a minute. :P Well. Sort of. I decided to do NaNoWriMo this month...on top of the whirlwind rush which comes with five weekends left to your mother's wedding...six to Christmas. On top of moving house, packing one room and unpacking the other (I'm SO thankful I get to do this slowly so I can sort through my possessions! It's just so hard to throw away.) On top of work. On top of overtime. On top of shopping and mince pies and marzipan fruits and putting the decorations up. On top of starting to sort out social media (though I think I shall leave the main whack of that until after the New Year - when I'm jobhunting. :P ) On top of my mind thinking and thinking and planning my year ahead and actually...seeing a light at the end of the tunnel which doesn't seem to be the train heading straight for us. NaNo is probably not th