You Make Me New!
Eleven months ago, I took my first steps outside of my house alone, as I took the dog for a walk around the streets I used to travel with my ex-best friend Gemma, on the start of what would become much-loved and much-sought prayer walks.
There's something about walking, walking for a long while, that clears your mind, uplifts your spirit and gives a sense of independence. No other method of transport can do that to you (and if you think about it, walking is the only one God designed us for!).
Eleven months ago, I was depressed, broken-hearted, enslaved to several addictions, heavily emotionally dependent on several people and doing anything within my power to flee from and numb myself to emotional pain, even if it meant inflicting more.
Within a year, I have gone from walking those streets to taking my first taxi ride, first train rides, first bus ride and first plane flights (subsequently eleven flights!) on my own. :D
Within a year, God has brought people into my life who have changed it. He has brought me face to face with the end of my ways and turned me back to Himself. He has turned me from a frightened little girl in an adult's body to an emerging butterfly, dealing with the struggles of life one by one in His grace and rejoicing in the painful blessing of seeing His Hand in it.
Depression has given way to seeing the gold threads in the dark weaving, my heart is being healed by cutting off my past and leaving it behind me, by making choices to face pain and overcome it, by turning to God in every situation. Addictions are breaking as I give them to Christ. Emotional dependence is slowly wearing into dependence on Christ. I won't deny it hurts now and then when the people I look to for advice and to be there aren't, but it's changing so that I go to God with that hurt and then He comforts the other.
The joy of seeing pain and then looking for God's Hand in it is...immensely freeing. Not to be so afraid of it any more!
I won't deny that this is an intensely hopeful post. :P That I still struggle, and that I'm acutely human. :D
But...watching what God's freed me from...and watching Him pull me closer...and learning...and struggling...and growing...and being that butterfly fighting free of the cocoon....
All I can do is say, "Lord God, You are amazing....wonderful...confusing beyond compare, consuming in entirety...what You're doing to me...less than a speck of dust in Your sight...I don't understand, I can't understand, and all I can do is worship You with all that I am! My life is Yours, do with me as You will for Your glory!"
Thank you to all of you who have prayed for me, who pray for me, who have influence in my life, who know little of me but have influenced me in some way. God bless you all; I can only name but a few of you. God BLESS you! Thank you so much for your willingness to be used of Him!
Twas grace that brought me safe thus far - and grace will lead me home!
How great is our God!
In humble awe at the incredible mercy of the Hand of God,
~Jane
There's something about walking, walking for a long while, that clears your mind, uplifts your spirit and gives a sense of independence. No other method of transport can do that to you (and if you think about it, walking is the only one God designed us for!).
Eleven months ago, I was depressed, broken-hearted, enslaved to several addictions, heavily emotionally dependent on several people and doing anything within my power to flee from and numb myself to emotional pain, even if it meant inflicting more.
Within a year, I have gone from walking those streets to taking my first taxi ride, first train rides, first bus ride and first plane flights (subsequently eleven flights!) on my own. :D
Within a year, God has brought people into my life who have changed it. He has brought me face to face with the end of my ways and turned me back to Himself. He has turned me from a frightened little girl in an adult's body to an emerging butterfly, dealing with the struggles of life one by one in His grace and rejoicing in the painful blessing of seeing His Hand in it.
Depression has given way to seeing the gold threads in the dark weaving, my heart is being healed by cutting off my past and leaving it behind me, by making choices to face pain and overcome it, by turning to God in every situation. Addictions are breaking as I give them to Christ. Emotional dependence is slowly wearing into dependence on Christ. I won't deny it hurts now and then when the people I look to for advice and to be there aren't, but it's changing so that I go to God with that hurt and then He comforts the other.
The joy of seeing pain and then looking for God's Hand in it is...immensely freeing. Not to be so afraid of it any more!
I won't deny that this is an intensely hopeful post. :P That I still struggle, and that I'm acutely human. :D
But...watching what God's freed me from...and watching Him pull me closer...and learning...and struggling...and growing...and being that butterfly fighting free of the cocoon....
All I can do is say, "Lord God, You are amazing....wonderful...confusing beyond compare, consuming in entirety...what You're doing to me...less than a speck of dust in Your sight...I don't understand, I can't understand, and all I can do is worship You with all that I am! My life is Yours, do with me as You will for Your glory!"
Thank you to all of you who have prayed for me, who pray for me, who have influence in my life, who know little of me but have influenced me in some way. God bless you all; I can only name but a few of you. God BLESS you! Thank you so much for your willingness to be used of Him!
Twas grace that brought me safe thus far - and grace will lead me home!
How great is our God!
In humble awe at the incredible mercy of the Hand of God,
~Jane
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)