Soap for Jesus

*grins* That's a Black Country term, so most of y'all probably won't know that. ;) So here's me, in sweatshirt, fancy necklace and Mediæval bodice fresh from work, earbuds dangling and still distantly playing Mandisa's "What If We Were Real" album, pj trousers on and perched on a chair, typing this while gobbling up some pumpkin soup - WITH CHEESE. Scrummicking round the house, getting fed and watered before settling down to work at home for the evening. Y'know, it's impossible to explain the joy and peace that's been here the last few days. The period I've just gone through has been the blackest, spiritually, I remember walking through in the past four years, since my backslide when I was 17. I don't remember what jolted me to actually fighting again. I was convinced God wasn't going to fight for me anymore, and on being told that He was waiting for me to say no to doing wrong in the weakest area of my life and wasn't go...

Believe it or not, this was actually a planned post over the last couple of days. Because I tend to preach things when I'm struggling with them; post encouragement when I'm in desperate need of it; write words that I know are true to make myself believe them, as well as you. I can't remember the original substance of this post, as hard as I'm trying to recall it and wind it in with what I'm writing now. I write a lot on Twitter; in fact, I'm more open on Twitter than on Facebook because I feel safer. My tweets get lost in millions of others, and only two specific people watch my tweets to see how I am. So I thought. I've received rebukes off people before for being too open, being too depressing. Watching my kids recently turn away from God and to despair added into the fact that I'm getting left behind by many of my friends as they enter college/leave college and-or get married was just part of the unconscious building up of "hard evidence...

Standing in the cold, hands in my pockets with cars splashing past, I gaze up at the inky blue sky. No stars are out, for it's heavy with clouds. Kinda hard to believe that the shortest day has come and gone. Soon, though, the difference will start to show. Six long months of waiting, and light will come again. Light will always come again...until the Light of the World comes to outshine it forever. It's a night like any other. The X51 is late. It's always late recently, and my skin is a grey-purply-white shade when it arrives at the bus stop, 20 minutes after me. I'm in jeans and a jumper, like I would be any other dress down day before Christmas. "Days of Elijah" is on repeat and I'm having a hard time not singing aloud. Thoughts are busy romping in my head though. Cause this is the last night I shall ever travel home on the X51 from work. I glance up the street as I board the bus. Emotions are mixed as I prepare not only to change my travel, but...

Currently, I'm feeling slightly triumphant, because my earphones are working in the plane socket and I have Katherine Jenkins' beautiful voice singing Time to Say Goodbye down my ears and getting goosebumps as usual. (The Sound of Katherine Jenkins is a CD I have to get.) I must be getting old! I slept some last night, but I was sitting in the airport with yawns splitting my face, and as soon as I got in the plane and settled down, I fell asleep, only arousing at take-off and then for lunch at around 10:30 GMT - oh, and once for pretzels. I totally missed the headphones which is why I'm feeling all clever about using my own. :P So delighted to get a window seat on this flight. The cloud formations, the varying shades of blue and the icicles forming on the window which I can both watch and hear - these are a delight to my camera and me! :P Unfortunately, this is the only time out of the three flights that I will actually be getting either a meal or a window seat. :P Bu...

Oh my gosh. I'm actually going. That was pretty much my reaction Wednesday night when Mom, oh so casually, directed George to also casually place an envelope containing the exact amount of money I needed to pay for my flight to America. Of course, it shouldn't have been any more than a little nice surprise, but it was. Because all the jigsaw pieces had to fall into the right place at exactly the right time. I think it started back at the beginning of this year/end of last year. Mom promised me that because of my helping out with some of the bills, she would gift me a trip to America when the money came through. I had two choices - the OYAN Winter Workshop, or Laura and Daniel's wedding. I chose the wedding. Which meant that when the date was set, the money would have to be through. I plotted out the trip, and asked Mom if I could take an extra trip - yes, all okay. Then the money didn't come through. Because the solicitors had to sort it out. Etc, etc. Poor Mom, ...

There's four projects currently running in the call centre. Two of those are the People First project, which most of the guys are working on - an intensely pressured job on which the target is 5 a day and you must get at least 4 a day or run the risk of being laid off; and Women in Leeds, another highly stressful task because of how boring it is. Most of the responses are no replies or answer phones (now we have cleared out the horrible unobtainables and withheld numbers which shrill piercingly down your ear and one after another are torturous) as most women are out at work during the day. When people actually do answer, there is an incredible amount of refusals, men answering to say their wife/partner isn't there and won't be until gone six pm, or people hanging up in the first sentence (which is quite emotionally knocking, for me anyway). I'm sitting here writing this as I'm dialling in an attempt to keep my poor brain occupied. I'm an outdoor person, stim...

Kristin D and I have a unique friendship. It began at OYAN Summer Workshop, 2012, when I looked into her eyes and said the words she's never forgotten. "(God has given me the gift so) I can read eyes." One of the closest sisters and friends I have, we have a special relationship. She's one of those people, the ones that you can bring God smack dab into a conversation without feeling awkward - or where you don't even realise He's in it, but He is. She's been one of the greatest encouragements and lifesavers in my life. God is very much in our friendship. September 13th, several days after one of the greatest sins in my life. I was talking to Kristin. In her words: [3:35:47 PM] Kristin D: Okay I had read Psalm 3... and then musing over it... Something with you had blown up that day... and I was writing about you, and about me... "We're both weak, and both near the edge. I'm asking God for miracles at this point. We're both brok...

Dear guys, blokes, men and gentlemen, This is particularly addressed at you, although it's also a general announcement, because I want you to know where I stand, why I'm off limits and why my Facebook status reads, "It's complicated." Simply because a lot of guys seem to read, "It's complicated" on any girl's status not as a chance to help them out (not me in this case) but as a chance to get a foot in the door. I also want to explain what love means to me - something far beyond mere emotion or fluff, or something that can wither and die. If you've read my blog long enough, you'll know what love is to me. Eternal, unconditional, priceless. True love is God - the heart of God to man. And true love is a gift from God, planted in someone's heart, to never be given up on and thrown away. If God has given you love, then it's nothing to sacrifice lightly. I didn't start this way. When I first fell in love, it was a deliberat...

It's beautiful. The cross. It's symbolic. It's pain and it's agony and it's separation from God and reunion with God. It's suffering and dying and it's healing and life. Pain comes to all of us. Sometimes in the worst ways. Like when God asks us to sacrifice the nearest and dearest thing or person we love. "God, I surrendered!" "Then let go." "But You might not bring them back!" "I know. Trust Me." Tears. Pain. Agony. Surrender. Peace. Beauty. Beautiful tears and joyful sobbing in the torment. Because He is God and He is the master of the paradox and He can make it so. I looked up at my colleague Charlotte. Both of us had delayed lunch breaks, due to the length of the survey we were on, before lunch was called. We were talking about my trip to the USA, and then ended up on our differing beliefs. Oh! It started with my ink writing on my arm and wrist: "Espérance - Hope", "Love end...

When God calls. So many people ask, what will you do with God's call on your life? What will you do when God calls you? Are you waiting for God's call? Pray about it and see what God calls you to do. So much focus on the going forward into the dark unknown... And indeed, wisely. For only a fool would not be careful about a leap into the unknown. Sometimes it is good to take a glance back at where we have come from, and see where grace hath lead us safe this far. It's also good to look back at where others have come - like the hall of faith in Hebrews 11. I want you to read each of these and THINK about each occupation or place where God called them. Really, really think. Take them one by one. Where was Abel when God called? Tending his sheep. Where was Noah? A happy family man, with three sons and settling down into a comfortable old age. Where was Abram, later Abraham? In the land of Ur, with the entirety of his family. Where was Sarai/Sarah? Faithfully...

Once upon a time... There was a princess whose parents, at her birth, gave her a special gift. Her first kiss. I am here to tell you another part of the story. The prince and princess did not only swap their kisses on their wedding day. When God had brought them together, they both also held one small gold box each, gifted to them by the Creator Himself. Opened many times in many ways to bring joy to those around them, this was the first time the gold boxes would actually be exchanged, although the Prince and Princess had shown it to each other often before as they grew closer in love and to their God. On that special day, as they exchanged life-long vows, a covenant never to be broken, the Prince and the Princess took their boxes, and gave them one unto the other, then placing them together and opening them as the Sun burst out of the clouds, pouring bright sunshine down in blessing. The gold box was a unique box indeed, for as soon as the rays of the Sun touched it, it ...

They say that there is a silver lining to every cloud. An added unique tint to every note of a song of pain. And sooner or later, in every darkness, the shadow reduces just enough to see a faint outline, or a glimmer. God. Is. Totally. Amazing. In case you didn't catch that before. GOD IS SO AMAZING!! This is a testimony blog post, so if you don't likey, you has permission to click the big red X. :D I'm typing this freshly awake from my lengthy sleep, which was induced by five hours of mowing and strimming the gardens yesterday (which look amazing, according to Mom! :D) moving heavy pots around and hauling three fence panels upright (while the neighbour man watched me. Nice guy.) It's kinda funny, cause the last time I cut the grass (Uncle Peter has done it since then, except no one did it in the winter months) was the night before I flew out to Kansas. I looked up at the planes flying over in the twilight and the stars beginning to twinkle, thinking, tomorr...

I want to heal. Not because I want to be pain-free. Because I expect to feel pain in the future. If I don't, I'll be worried. No, I want to heal so I can minister to others without being focused on and blinded by pain. I want to use that pain - to USE it. Not to be lost in it. God can use everything - and that is why He has safely brought and is bringing me through. I want to use it to reach out to others - to know the pain in their broken hearts and not to guess at it. To give, love and live the love of Christ and be a vessel to bring healing to them. If you don't have any pain in your Christian life; be worried. If there is no pain, no matter how small or large - if you're just gliding along on a peaceful smooth trail - start praying. For whom the Lord loveth, He chasteneth. It doesn't have to be cyclonic. Just see if there's somewhere God is testing you or growing you. Even if it's trusting Him with school scores. ;) It's not because you haven...