Approaching Catalyst

Kristin D and I have a unique friendship. It began at OYAN Summer Workshop, 2012, when I looked into her eyes and said the words she's never forgotten. "(God has given me the gift so) I can read eyes."

One of the closest sisters and friends I have, we have a special relationship. She's one of those people, the ones that you can bring God smack dab into a conversation without feeling awkward - or where you don't even realise He's in it, but He is. She's been one of the greatest encouragements and lifesavers in my life.

God is very much in our friendship.



September 13th, several days after one of the greatest sins in my life.

I was talking to Kristin.

In her words:
[3:35:47 PM] Kristin D: Okay I had read Psalm 3... and then musing over it... Something with you had blown up that day... and I was writing about you, and about me...
"We're both weak, and both near the edge. I'm asking God for miracles at this point. We're both broken. But after reading that Psalm, I have a feeling that God's about to do something big. Really big."


October 12th, early evening:

Chatting with older brother and mentor Keifer L.

(11:12:03 PM) Sian Garner-Jones: I feel awful.
(11:43:07 PM) Keifer Lucchi: I feel fairly scummy too...
(11:47:49 PM) Sian Garner-Jones: What's up?
(11:48:16 PM) Keifer Lucchi: Lots of temptation
(11:48:25 PM) Keifer Lucchi: Lots of stupid obvious attacks
(11:48:37 PM) Keifer Lucchi: A lot on To Turn Back Time
(11:48:51 PM) Keifer Lucchi: Satan HATES this film
(11:48:55 PM) Keifer Lucchi: Hates it
(11:49:04 PM) Keifer Lucchi: I just want to be left alone!
(11:49:24 PM) Sian Garner-Jones: *hugs*
(11:49:28 PM) Sian Garner-Jones: ...
(11:49:29 PM) Sian Garner-Jones: Hang on.
(11:49:35 PM) Sian Garner-Jones: You're getting obvious attacks too?
(11:50:13 PM) Keifer Lucchi: Yup
(11:52:07 PM) Sian Garner-Jones: Hmmm...
(12:52:52 AM) Keifer Lucchi: Tech related today
(12:52:53 AM) Keifer Lucchi: But yeah
(12:52:53 AM) Keifer Lucchi: Dead monitor.
(12:52:53 AM) Keifer Lucchi: Phantom dead hard hard drive space
(12:52:53 AM) Keifer Lucchi: Stupid printer deleated itself
(12:52:53 AM) Keifer Lucchi: And yeah...


An hour later, I post on Facebook:

[3:25:24 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: Fairly curious and an odd question.

Who else is getting obvious, seemingly pointless attacks off Satan right now? As opposed to the usual subtlety that you don't notice for ages.

Nicolae Bookwyrm Holley I.
15 hours ago · Like

Miguel Flores A lot of people are.

I don't know if it's necessarily Satan or not for everyone, but there have been a lot more direct attacks on many of the people I know and myself.

I wonder if this perhaps could be a clue that Christians should be getting ready for something.
15 hours ago · Unlike · 7

Jacki Crooks I haven't been personally getting attacked, but I have been feeling the effects of what I am beginning to suspect might be spiritual attacks on someone near me.
14 hours ago · Like

Mishpakha Cannottell yes, lots. and someone explained verry nicely on the if it was satan or not. he showed what happend in Job, that it was satan, but that God let down his protection, as a test. we may be being tested, for something greater may be about to happen. Job was given seven times as much for passing the testy.
14 hours ago · Like · 1

Timothy Meigs Yeah, some mental attacks.
13 hours ago · Like

Hannah Mills Yup. Though I'm not sure if they are from the devil or simply my own wonky brain.
12 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Rebekah Sandy Swank Ditto Hannah.
11 hours ago · Like

Brandyce DaisyButterfly Luna *raises hand shyly*
10 hours ago · Like

Christopher Roy Bates Yes the last two weeks have been awful, literally one thing after another
5 hours ago via mobile · Like

Siân Garner-Jones Now that. Is rather interesting... I thought it was -ust me until tonight...when I spoke to Keifer.
I'm going to risk being made fun of to admit that recently, attacks for me have gone ridiculous, like Satan's throwing every obvious trick in the book, from blatant "voices" that I'm worthless, to guy problems. Plus, I think God's changing me, cause I'm starting to feel stronger...and I also feel like something big is about to happen. (When I get 'feelings' like this, they have always taken place.)
Again, I thought it was on a personal level, but maybe not...
2 hours ago · Like

Liz Harris-Clark Siân I'm going through the same! I'm an absolute nightmare to be around right now with emotional outbursts raining down on me. Self-pity and dejection surround me...but it is also during a time where I am making an active point of wanting to grow closer to God through study and prayer. I don't think Satan likes that somehow!
2 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Siân Garner-Jones I wonder what on earth is going on...
2 hours ago · Like

Siân Garner-Jones Okay. Maybe not on earth.
2 hours ago · Like

Siân Garner-Jones I was talking to Mama Lauser yesterday, and she was basically saying what Liz -ust said - to use this time of obvious attacks to draw nearer to God - praising Him for everything, prayer, studying His Word, being in constant communication with Him, in preparation for the 'main event.'
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Lilly Ivring Me.


October 13th, one month after Kristin first wrote in her diary:

We chat.

[3:28:26 PM] Kristin D: Yeah... *whispers* I've been being attacked too. *nods*
[3:28:33 PM] Kristin D: ...a lot...
[3:28:35 PM] Kristin D: But...
[3:29:06 PM] Kristin D: Jesus is bigger... Jesus is stronger... the powers of Hell can't stand against us

[3:29:14 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: Amen!

[3:29:52 PM] Kristin D: And... Remember what God told Jeremiah...?

[3:30:10 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: which...?
[3:30:13 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: *tips head*

[3:30:42 PM] Kristin D: Um... the first chapter of Jeremiah... let me find it...
[3:33:03 PM] Kristin D: "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar anda bronze wall to stand against the whole land -- against the kinds of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you."
[3:33:17 PM] Kristin D: vs 1-19

[3:33:19 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: *smiles*

[3:33:31 PM] Kristin D: If our God is for us, who shall ever stop us?

[3:33:49 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: And if our God is with us, then what shall stand against us?

[3:34:07 PM] Kristin D: Something is happening. Jesus is bringing the rain. Satan is terrified. So he's attacking. But Satan is not strong enough to defeat us, because the Living God is inside of us.

[3:37:10 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: Why do I feel like we're on the edge of a catalyst...

[3:37:16 PM] Kristin D: Catalyst?

[3:38:39 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: cat·a·lyst/ˈkatl-ist/
Noun:
A substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without itself undergoing any permanent chemical change.
A person or thing that precipitates an event.
[3:38:42 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: Definition two.

[3:39:03 PM] Kristin D: Yah... that seems to sum it up. O.O
[3:39:19 PM] Kristin D: Okay. Well. I guess something's probably going to happen. So. Get ready.

[3:39:27 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: Mmm..yeah.

[3:40:12 PM] Kristin D: And this thing... I guess it could be good or bad. Keep our eyes on Jesus, and we will be okay. Because GOD LOVES US.

[3:40:59 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: I promise.
[3:41:06 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: And God holds the weaving, sis...
[3:41:12 PM] Siân Garner-Jones: God always holds the weaving.

[3:42:32 PM] Kristin D: Yah...
[3:42:43 PM] Kristin D: I g2g.
[3:42:48 PM] Kristin D: LOVE YOU. (heart)


I send out an email to my mentors:

"Recently, I've been starting to recognise more and more a defective, very faulty line in my thinking.

You know how terrified I am of pain.

And I know God uses pain to grow. Often, the greatest of God's blessings come with the worst kinds of pain. That's experience.:P

But still, I've always had this thing in the back of my head.

If I pretend I'm weaker than I am. If I say I can't do something I know I can through Christ. If I sin, somewhere...if I cut, or turn to one of my other addictions, and fall a little, then Satan will triumph and stop bothering me so much for a while, and ease off on the pain.

And that's where I think the getting stronger thing is...God's...enabling me to resist...some of it more than I used to be.

So the greatest of God's blessings...may soon fall, with the worst kinds of pain.

That probably didn't make much sense. :D"

I think His greatest blessings come when we let go of the sins we're hanging onto to let Him in. We're afraid of what will happen if we let go of those little failings that make up our identities in our head. And letting go of them often lets in the worst kinds of pain.

Because the things God can do with us when we let go completely can shake the world.


I wonder what He's up to now.

Love in Christ,
Mademoiselle Siân


Me to God: Keep me humble.
*realises what that may entail*
And not ripped up.
*favourite quote*
Unless a man is nothing, God can make nothing out of him.
*headdesk* :P