Smashing the Laws of Pharisaical Parenthood
I'd like to point out a fact.
There's parenthood.
And there's parents.
Parenthood is a God-ordained authority at the head of the family, where husband (leading authority figure) co-joins with wife to provide a supportive guidance network to care for physical, emotional and spiritual needs, requiring implicit trust and obedience when the child is not of an age to make informed decisions for themselves and is still learning about the world.
This institution is, as all institutions should be, submitted to Divine guidance and treated with humble fear and trembling by husband and wife, as they (as one) represent the relationship between God as Father and men as His children (when born again).
Parents are the people in that institution, and should be fully aware of their responsibilities to the next generation and before Almighty God before ever taking on the role of making babies.
While parenthood is a God institution and should be respected as such, some parents treat it as though they have the "Divine right of kings", demanding implicit obedience to everything - and abusing their power.
The Bible commands children to obey their parents IN THE LORD.
Your walk with God is individual, as is your salvation - between you and God. As soon as you are old enough to make informed and wise decisions on your own (which should be, although cautiously, encouraged and allowed by parents), then any command which conflicts with where the Lord is telling you to walk, is not in the Lord.
(Of course, all decisions should be made after listening to all advise and with much prayerful consideration.)
Sorry if I just shocked your socks off...but please consider this with an open mind rather than a blinkered, already prejudiced outlook.
Brendan and I are looking at co-authoring a book in the distant future.
Suggested titles:
SMASHING THE LAWS OF PHARISAICAL PARENTHOOD,
USE AND ABUSE OF AUTHORITY,
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PARENTS AND PARENTHOOD.
There comes a time when a child becomes an adult and while they still have a duty to listen and respect their parents' opinions, the parents don't control their lives any more. They take responsibility for themselves and their own decisions, mistakes, choices.
No parent has the right to decide a child's ultimate destiny, whether in job or marriage. The latter should be between two people, God and authority figures as counsellors - not controllers.
Responsibility is for one's own actions and those in one's charge who are unable/unfit to make their own, at least in regards to safety, well-being, and that resting heavily on their mental capacity.
Which, I would like to suggest, does NOT apply to young adults who are fully competent. If you're encouraging your young adult to be responsible, make decisions and change the world, encouraging them to develop their own personal relationship with God, what message do you think you are sending by playing God in their life? Your role is guidance, advise, unconditional love and support. NOT control.
I don't believe I'm being feminist in stating that a girl can Biblically submit to her father without him making every last decision for her. And to those who would gravely point me to Isaac, I laugh and say, Rebekah.
Girls do need more protection from their father, and to be able to know they are loved and cherished.
However, girls can be treasured without being treated like dolls.
They also have minds, and personal walks with God, and if you've raised them right, the ability to make their own informed decisions.
There's something that most people forget in the parent part of life. It's the ability to trust God and let go.
Young adults should submit to the parental authority as only as lies within their own personal walk with God. That goes for male and female. A young person would be foolish not to consider advice from those with more experience, but there comes a time when control is limited. Simply because if it weren't, we would have a generation of people limited with no free will and dependent on an older generation growing older and nearer the grave.
To encourage us to have a vision that as yet is blurry, that is sweeping over so many young people as a burning fire to know God in a new, true and real way, personally and individually; to encourage us to set the world afire for Christ, to do hard things, and then to step on us when of an age to make competent, well-informed decisions and when we have shown that (ALTHOUGH HUMAN AND MAKING MISTAKES) we do try and listen, consider advice and act wisely, is to totally go against what you have been raising us to be. Think twice.
To change the times, we must step out. Be brave, be wise. Look to God and cling to Him; trust Him implicitly. Listen to advice. Don't be foolish. Don't abuse the freedom, as they should not be abusing the power.
I really should write more when I'm cross about tyrannical abuse of parenthood...or heavy parenting (rather than heavy shepherding). :P
In Christ and God bless,
~Mademoiselle Siân
There's parenthood.
And there's parents.
Parenthood is a God-ordained authority at the head of the family, where husband (leading authority figure) co-joins with wife to provide a supportive guidance network to care for physical, emotional and spiritual needs, requiring implicit trust and obedience when the child is not of an age to make informed decisions for themselves and is still learning about the world.
This institution is, as all institutions should be, submitted to Divine guidance and treated with humble fear and trembling by husband and wife, as they (as one) represent the relationship between God as Father and men as His children (when born again).
Parents are the people in that institution, and should be fully aware of their responsibilities to the next generation and before Almighty God before ever taking on the role of making babies.
While parenthood is a God institution and should be respected as such, some parents treat it as though they have the "Divine right of kings", demanding implicit obedience to everything - and abusing their power.
The Bible commands children to obey their parents IN THE LORD.
Your walk with God is individual, as is your salvation - between you and God. As soon as you are old enough to make informed and wise decisions on your own (which should be, although cautiously, encouraged and allowed by parents), then any command which conflicts with where the Lord is telling you to walk, is not in the Lord.
(Of course, all decisions should be made after listening to all advise and with much prayerful consideration.)
Sorry if I just shocked your socks off...but please consider this with an open mind rather than a blinkered, already prejudiced outlook.
Brendan and I are looking at co-authoring a book in the distant future.
Suggested titles:
SMASHING THE LAWS OF PHARISAICAL PARENTHOOD,
USE AND ABUSE OF AUTHORITY,
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PARENTS AND PARENTHOOD.
There comes a time when a child becomes an adult and while they still have a duty to listen and respect their parents' opinions, the parents don't control their lives any more. They take responsibility for themselves and their own decisions, mistakes, choices.
No parent has the right to decide a child's ultimate destiny, whether in job or marriage. The latter should be between two people, God and authority figures as counsellors - not controllers.
Responsibility is for one's own actions and those in one's charge who are unable/unfit to make their own, at least in regards to safety, well-being, and that resting heavily on their mental capacity.
Which, I would like to suggest, does NOT apply to young adults who are fully competent. If you're encouraging your young adult to be responsible, make decisions and change the world, encouraging them to develop their own personal relationship with God, what message do you think you are sending by playing God in their life? Your role is guidance, advise, unconditional love and support. NOT control.
I don't believe I'm being feminist in stating that a girl can Biblically submit to her father without him making every last decision for her. And to those who would gravely point me to Isaac, I laugh and say, Rebekah.
Girls do need more protection from their father, and to be able to know they are loved and cherished.
However, girls can be treasured without being treated like dolls.
They also have minds, and personal walks with God, and if you've raised them right, the ability to make their own informed decisions.
There's something that most people forget in the parent part of life. It's the ability to trust God and let go.
Young adults should submit to the parental authority as only as lies within their own personal walk with God. That goes for male and female. A young person would be foolish not to consider advice from those with more experience, but there comes a time when control is limited. Simply because if it weren't, we would have a generation of people limited with no free will and dependent on an older generation growing older and nearer the grave.
To encourage us to have a vision that as yet is blurry, that is sweeping over so many young people as a burning fire to know God in a new, true and real way, personally and individually; to encourage us to set the world afire for Christ, to do hard things, and then to step on us when of an age to make competent, well-informed decisions and when we have shown that (ALTHOUGH HUMAN AND MAKING MISTAKES) we do try and listen, consider advice and act wisely, is to totally go against what you have been raising us to be. Think twice.
To change the times, we must step out. Be brave, be wise. Look to God and cling to Him; trust Him implicitly. Listen to advice. Don't be foolish. Don't abuse the freedom, as they should not be abusing the power.
I really should write more when I'm cross about tyrannical abuse of parenthood...or heavy parenting (rather than heavy shepherding). :P
In Christ and God bless,
~Mademoiselle Siân
Sian! I love you! About time some more people said this! Totally agree, 100% It's so good to know that there are other people out there with these views! I honestly believe that a lot of the parents who are over controlling are home-schoolers. Not to bash home schoolers, I mean I am one! But I think it can often be a frame of mind that they have, girls at home, having to obey every single command their parents give, and it is so wrong. We do have to learn to stand on our own two feet; I love my Dad, and I always go to him for his council. And he's always willing to give it, but he always, always says 'it's up to you in the end'. If we're doing something he doesn't think is wise, he'll tell us so, but there again is that 'in the end, it's up to you'. Everyone has to learn in life to make their own decisions. You come to an age where you have to have your individuality. I think when a person hits 16, there can be a really hard time following where the parent is having a hard time letting go a little more, and the 16 year old is wanting to fly the nest too fast. But it's a learning process, and once they are hitting 18 and 19, they should be making their own decisions, and stepping out as an adult, they're not children anymore, and they have to begin their lives as an adult. At 23 I can say that this is completely possible. I respect my Dad so much, and I think a lot of that respect would be lost, if a parent constantly keeps pushing something on someone, and being controlling. Most recently, I've been thanking God for my parents so much, they are so reasonable, sensible, and able to see their girls as adults! Thank you for posting, and writing this up, Sian!
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