Soap for Jesus

Note: Trigger warning: If you're in a bad place, don't read this. If you think you can handle it...try. It may encourage you. I hope. :P Depression-exhaustion. It's one of the things I loathe most about a bout of suicidal depression. (If you need a definition of that, feel free to message me: fromselfharmtovictory@gmail.com) First there's a tiny grey cloud, a mood change...flashbacks...sometimes panic attacks...random crying spells...intense sadness over the lost things/people... Those can be triggered by, or exacerbated, by arguments, events (i.e., a person who dislikes/caused a lot of trouble for me married recently, and it triggered this bout because he was brought back into my life, albeit unintentionally, by mutual friends; aggravated by an argument this past weekend). Then it literally feels like my mind is being torn in two. There's the one part which seems to be out of control, and the other which is logical and takes the rationale. It knows I'...

Basically, a couple of thoughts from my much pondering brain. Which is currently on overload. Firstly - I really need to sort things out. My chats are going into disarray; I have to start implementing a system of replying to every chat systematically before replying to one twice. I have to specifically start setting housework time aside, like I'm doing with sibling visits. I also have to set paperwork, letterwriting and cleaning times aside. I'm useless with all of these and they all desperately need improving. Secondly - I've found out a way to literally keep my brain turning over during the dead-pan time of being on the phone for seven hours with no surveys, which fact a) teaches persistent patient cheerfulness to the respondents, b) it shows me my ill attitude at the increase of pressure and irritation at not being free to do what I want to do and c) makes me want to throw my computer and phone out the window. Anyway - the way. :P It's kinda like the word as...

I'd like to point out a fact. There's parenthood. And there's parents. Parenthood is a God-ordained authority at the head of the family, where husband (leading authority figure) co-joins with wife to provide a supportive guidance network to care for physical, emotional and spiritual needs, requiring implicit trust and obedience when the child is not of an age to make informed decisions for themselves and is still learning about the world. This institution is, as all institutions should be, submitted to Divine guidance and treated with humble fear and trembling by husband and wife, as they (as one) represent the relationship between God as Father and men as His children (when born again). Parents are the people in that institution, and should be fully aware of their responsibilities to the next generation and before Almighty God before ever taking on the role of making babies. While parenthood is a God institution and should be respected as such, some parents trea...

One of my favourite things to do is to post a new post. And then, to share it. On Facebook, on Twitter, and on various chats. Then I sit and watch for a couple of minutes with my finger on the refresh button. I love Feedjit. :D It's so fun to watch the visitors start coming!! "New Bern, North Carolina" "Woodbridge, Virginia" "Belfast, Northern Ireland" "Moscow, Russia" Within minutes of posting. O.o My mother saw her grandfather once before his death. George Edward C was born in c. 1889. What would he have thought, I often wonder, if he could see his great granddaughter "slamming up blog posts", "Facebooking and tweeting", "emailing", "using a laptop", "typing" on something that wasn't a typewriter, talking about "gigabytes"...and what could a "website" possibly be? FLYING in a "jumbo jet" to a country that took months to sail to...flying's just been inven...

Literally. These two quote are from yesterday. (Began 22-10-11 or 10-22-11) I put my little orange Testament from Texas on my desk yesterday and walked away to get some water. Ryan, my coworker, said as I went by: "Is that a Bible on your desk?" Me: "Yes, it's a Testament. Are you a Christian?" *hopefully* Ryan: "No, I like to call myself an atheist. But it's good to see some people have faith." -- I went to the water fountain and stepped aside to let coworker Becca go first. She responded by wriggling with helpless frustration and said, "Ohhhhh! I really don't like you!" Another coworker waiting laughed and said, "Well that's nice first thing in the morning!" Becca answered, "It's because she's so NICE! Always opening doors for people, etc." I walked away and grinned. Maybe, maybe, MAYBE, God is shining through!! :D -- Kushan is a Hindu. He worked next to me for a day or so. I was having a good day on ...

11-11-11, whether British or American. Armistice Day. Veteran's Day. Remembrance Day. On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day, on the eleventh month, the Armistice was signed in 1918, "officially" bringing an end to the First World War. Since then, at 1100 hours on November 11th, two-three minutes of silence are held to remember the fallen who died that we might live today, and those currently serving and dying in foreign countries - whether we agree with the wars or not. The past three Saturdays I've been involved in selling poppies to the general public. The Poppy Appeal is part of a nationwide group that makes and sells poppies to the public, calling them to remember - and never forget. Across Britain, perfect strangers are united with one bond - a splash of red on their lapels or tops, calling them to remembrance. Tough biker jackets, upper class dainty scarves, a grubby child's little jacket; all share one common feature - the poppy. There's some coats t...

Written by a 7-8 year old. I found it highly amusing, so thought I'd share it before disposing of the scrap of paper it's written on. 1. Are you a Christian? 2. When were you saved? 3. Are you Amillenial, Pre. or other? 4 Do you believe in evolution, Gap Theory, Millions of years, or other? 5. Will you ever divorce me or go off with other women or have secret affairs? 6. Are you Homosexual? 7 Tell me if you ever get bored of me? 8. Will you "train up your child in the way he should go" so "when he is old he will not depart from it"? 9. Will you buy a big house for Mom + Dad to live in? 10. Will you live here This is completely accurate to how it was written. I'm somewhere between laughter and tears. Some of these are no longer important to me. Some are majorly important and I'm glad they were drilled into me at such a young age. And...some show me too much of the child. ~Jane

Today was a sad day and a happy day. Several goals were missed, and others were accomplished. Although very tempted to be down by the ones I missed, it's better to choose to be glad over the ones finished and not to be so blinded by the present I miss the repairable future. So! To share the happy part. :D Mom and I went to town this morning, Mom to the doctors and me to the bank...to meet up with her in an hour. However, I had a few other ideas of what I wanted to accomplish in an hour - AND I DID THEM ALL! :D :D :D Heading down Lichfield Street and across the Arboretum Island, I went to the Walsall Centre for the Deaf. When we drove past it yesterday, I noticed a sign up - BRITISH SIGN LANGUAGE COURSE, for beginners. YAY! This was one of my goals when I got back to the UK, to learn sign language! Met at the door and guided upstairs by a deaf man, he took me into a room where a rather harassed looking lady was on the telephone. Turned out she was the only one in that ...

I want to write tonight, and I’ve no idea what to write about. So many things are whirling about in my head; I feel as if I’m in a dream. I’m looking at the cards next to me and find it almost impossible to believe that today I enter my twentieth year. Nineteen years old. 6935 days spent on this planet – not counting before I was born. 166440 hours spent on earth – and what have I done for Christ? I have only one life. One life to live. I can use it for good or ill. Actually, I can’t. I can use it for ill, or I can surrender it in its entirety – every act, thought, word, deed – into the Hands of God. Only He can use it for good. For His glory. I look back over the past nineteen years. I’m tempted to look at the darkness. The messed up childhood. The living for myself even after I surrendered my life to Christ at 6. The suicidal depression in my early teens. My heart, sworn to Christ and purity, that I take to give to a worldly guy who never wanted it. The websites. The black depression...

I'm really excited over this project idea God has given me. Not just because of the potential it has to encourage and bless others, if done and used rightly, but because of the lessons to be had! The last main thing in my life God taught me a hard lesson through was through being in love. He's still teaching me that. Now He's brought this in! I'm so excited! Here are a few of the lessons I can see coming ahead. Humility, Submission, Obedience, Accepting Instruction, Closer Prayer: I must not be proud and act like I own this project or the ideas or inspiration but keep it humble, give God the glory, act only on His leading and not my own ideas, and give it back to God daily. I also must learn to listen to the advice and guidance of others, in accordance with what God is leading. Faithfulness, Self Control, God-reliance: I need to stop looking at my blog posts about this for readers and comments to see if many people are excited, and instead act in faith that God will bri...

And again, while cleaning my boss's house... :P I noticed a fridge magnet that not three months ago I would have found hysterically amusing. (I promise I didn't look at it for more than a few moments! I thought while I worked.) And still, even now in a bitter mood or out shopping with Mom, I would still have an outward amusement and find some satirical agreeing comment. You see, that fridge magnet read, "Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be out on its own." Suddenly, the whole idea behind it struck me as wrong. Sure, in the environment I live in it's funny; as a non-Christian I would've bought about ten and sent them around to all my other girl friends who are involved with boys. I was a feminist. Unwittingly so. My friends called me feminist. I denied it. I believed all the right things with my head, but I held all men with contempt in my heart. And I believed very strongly that any woman was equal to a man, could toughen herself up...

Sections from Chapters One, Two, Four, Ten and Eleven. :) 1: “Break when you’re ready, Sergeant.” I repeated the same call in Room 2 and the Parade Hall. Cadets began queuing up in line for the canteen. In a few moments, the Parade Hall had cadets milling everywhere in one blue mass. I headed towards the office, stopping short as Plt. Off. Detter stepped through the door ahead of me. Blowing an exasperated breath, I started to turn away, but glanced back as I noticed one of the new cadets start after him. That wasn’t so unusual; many of the new cadets asked advice off Detter. The expression on this girl’s face looked strange, though. Pale and scared-looking, she glided across the room, but a fierce determination shone from her eyes. I studied her, remembering our impression when she first came. Dressed like something out of the old-fashioned films, with that long skirt and loose blouse. My interest sparked, I waited until she returned before heading into the office. I wonder what she w...

I've considered posting this for a long while, but I haven't before, due somewhat to uncertainty of what to say. This is a chat between a best friend of mine and myself, just before the start of the return from my backsliding in November last year. I couldn't see what he was saying. I wanted to. But I couldn't. I've never known the frustration of knowing the truth and being unable to see it. But afterwards, I began to pray every day that God would show me how to love with His love. That was when things began to change. Taylor Weller: Are you alright? Sian Jones: *pounces and hugs * Taylor Weller: :) Sian Jones: No. I mean. I suppose so. Sian Jones: I will be. Sian Jones: I guess. Taylor Weller: :/ Taylor Weller: Tell me about it. Sian Jones: I've got such a headache. Sian Jones: I was okay. As you know. For the last two days. Taylor Weller: Yes. Sian Jones: And then today...I don't know. ... (Part removed due to personal nature) Sian Jones: And then Mom and...

It is horrible...as a writer, never mind as a human. To find myself speechless, emotionally withdrawing from my friends once again, from my family. So tired of people in real life trying to pry beneath the surface to get my emotions out of me, because I cannot even recognise them myself. That's what I mean by it being awkward as a writer. The poetry is not given to write, and the words refuse to come to my fingers. I can't express myself in words, verbal or written; I can't let out the raw emotion of now; the only way I can let it out is by pelting my ears with rock. And it's being to develop into the non-Christian side. Mom was right...let your doors open to Christian rock and it's easy to slip into the world's music. With that barrier down, you have worldly mindsets and values being pumped in through the rhythm and insinuated in the words. I'm sitting here typing this with despair at my heart. The only peace is in knowing God uses all things for good in th...

Today I have: Got dressed Prayed Read my Bible: Matthew 26 - Mark 1 Today I intend to: Walk the dog Eat dinner Email ten people; nine from Hotmail, one from Gmail Do "Debugger" for Jay Blog two more posts Make ten bracelets/paint a plate Stop at 5 pm and polish my parade shoes and iron my uniform Go to cadets Come home and go online Manage about twenty chats and hopefully go on OYAN There are 10 goals to complete, and it is 11:45 am. I'm just getting makeup on and will be off to walk the dog. I also have to figure out tea somewhere in there. I will let you know how I fare! Please keep pushing me - I need some kind of schedule back in my life. Love in the Lord and In Christ, ~Jane

This is a notice to all of my American friends. If you don't know me fairly well, then please ignore this. Due to circumstances with the family I planned to stay with expecting their first grandchild around the time I am (God willing) in the States, I am wondering if any OYANer in Olathe, Kansas, in the surrounding area or who plans to go to the OYAN workshops would consider taking me in for two-three months. I know that this does sound rather cheeky, but I promise that I will work very hard if that can be in exchange for room and board. I seriously do not want to impose upon the good people who intend on taking me in at a time like this. They will have enough to do without the burden of a strange guest on them also. They were intending on taking me in anyway; this is just my attempt to relieve some of the stress. If you are interested in having a wild-and-crazy Brit in your house for that extraordinarily long amount of time, email me at: forgodsgloryjohn3.16@gmail.com In Christ, ~...

I should've put "can cook" on my advertisement for a Yankee husband on OYAN. :P :D This post is mainly for my little sister Darla and my little brother Brandy. I made this for dinner for Mom, Dad and myself today. It was scrumptious, creamy, tasty, chewy, slippery, smothery, colourful, fishy, and lip-smackingly lovely. :D For your eyes' delectation and delight: Pasta Tuna Bake

As God has been working on me and things are changing in my life, as I start my last two years of being an Air Cadet and intend on missing a good section of that for the States, and as I do not blog that much about cadets, I have been considering whether to revamp my blog. I admit, I am proud of my identity as a cadet corporal. I still support our Armed Forces and will do so in any way I can. However, since the Boss left, I have grown away from 196, and I think I only still go for the sake of the past. I have no future with either the cadets or the Armed Forces - a fact which, once admitted, will probably shake loose a lot of my followers from Twitter who put up with my Christianity and follow me as a sub-member of the Forces. I am still a cadet for Christ, but the atmosphere is no longer untarnished - God knows whether it can ever become clean again, thanks to my stupidity with Cadet Rivers. I know God has forgiven me, but the fingers pointed and the sudden drop in language watch (min...

Skyping earlier with a girl friend of mine, who recently broke off a developing close friendship with a mutual guy friend, lead to some serious thinking. She didn't break off with him because she was attracted to him or was in danger of losing her heart to him. She did it simply because he was a boy, and she was a girl, and she didn't think she should be that close to a guy. And yes, this principle hurts. I know. I've been through it, and still am. No, I'm not condemning people's consciences. I'm simply expressing my own thoughts. My ideal of a perfect world is where there aren't stupid blocks because of gender. The world starts off attempting to start children at age 3 with treating boys like potential boyfriends and partners in illicit behaviour. Christians tend to go to one of two extremes; throw up a barrier that blocks practically all but the barest minimum of communication between boys and girls, or else behave in a manner that's cheaper than the w...

Thinking about whether to flick the central heating on...but my sister says it's already too warm. I'm freezing though, sitting here curled up on the posh mauve pink chair in my fluffy baby pink dressing gown over my schoolgirl pinafore. Ooh, aren't there some dressing gowns you adore! I guess I'm sitting here scribbling for lack of motivation to do anything. I mean, I need to doctor some photos, write a story, write a poem on snow, and write other blogs with more meaning. Just in a lazy mood and not doing it. :P My baby niece, Ayanna, is lying in front of me, asleep on her bouncing chair. I am balanced on the edge of the seat with one foot on the wire edging, ready to start rocking again if she stirs (which is occurring every few minutes!). My sister lies huddled up to my right on our sofa bed, asleep; exhausted by long feeds, very little sleep, stress and depression. On the final Friday of my two-week sojourn at my sister's to help her round the house and provide ...