Anti-Feminist?! ME?

And again, while cleaning my boss's house... :P

I noticed a fridge magnet that not three months ago I would have found hysterically amusing.
(I promise I didn't look at it for more than a few moments! I thought while I worked.)
And still, even now in a bitter mood or out shopping with Mom, I would still have an outward amusement and find some satirical agreeing comment.

You see, that fridge magnet read, "Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be out on its own."

Suddenly, the whole idea behind it struck me as wrong. Sure, in the environment I live in it's funny; as a non-Christian I would've bought about ten and sent them around to all my other girl friends who are involved with boys.

I was a feminist. Unwittingly so. My friends called me feminist. I denied it. I believed all the right things with my head, but I held all men with contempt in my heart. And I believed very strongly that any woman was equal to a man, could toughen herself up to be as good as a man (which when considering I thought men were weak wimps with one idea in their heads, isn't much) and could do anything she set her mind to.
I wanted to join the SAS. The toughest group out, trained killers. I wanted to be the hardest of the hard. And I think, that without the hand of God holding me back, I could've done it.
There's some kind of natural strength inside. The women of my family - my Mom, Yvonne, my sister, Sammie and I - we all have it, but deny it a lot of the time. I didn't believe I did, but my friends said they'd seen it in me. Now God is healing my heart, I can feel it. But I know that I would be denying and refusing and hiding that strength unless He brings it out in me.
That strength I could've used to go where I wanted to go. I professed God's will to follow a passion I held and was certain I would use it for God's glory.
Big difference between going somewhere you want to go and twisting up a shield of "I'm following God", and actually sacrificing your dreams to the will of God.

I'll be honest. My life has not been such that I have great respect for men. Even now, I still don't.
But there's a difference between holding respect for men and treating all men with contempt. Every man has the right to prove or not prove himself. And they shouldn't be treated like dirt until they have.
You know why? Because the way you think of, behave towards and treat a man is exactly the way they're going to behave towards you. It's human nature to live up to an expectation. If your expectation is rotten, then their behaviour isn't likely to be any more than it has to be.
Every man has the right to prove himself worthy of respect. Give him that chance.

So that little fridge magnet is no longer hysterically amusing. In fact, the smile it brought to my lips was rather sad and painful. Because I know that only God brought me out of the bonds of feminism, and so many women like me, due to circumstances around them or actual choices, are blindly entangled in trying to get to a place they'll never be.

Sure, I still don't really enjoy the idea of being cooped up in a house with screaming kids for the rest of my life, with all my talents and gifts being stuck behind four walls.
That's the feminist picture of a family.
Yes, I knew the real picture, but I jeered at it. I didn't believe it was real. Was possible. So few people actually live it out.
Those talents and gifts are things God has given you to bless your husband and children and the people you interact with. As a homeschooling Mom, I'm willing to bet you wouldn't be stuck up behind four walls every day, if ever. :P God will use them in exactly the way He wants them used.

Christianity is a life of self denial. Feminism is the total opposite. It's all about me. Where I can get to. What I think I can do with what I've got.
Actually, it's not yours. It's not your life, and they're not your gifts. It's God's. All God's. Every breath you breathe. Everything you touch. Every dear possession you call your own. Every treasured friendship. Every strength and weakness. Every family member you think you couldn't (or could ;)) live without.
It's. All. God's.
It is SO easy to know it with your head. Believe me, I have. And I pray God doesn't have to smash you as severely as He did me to get it through to you. Although, actually, I do. If He will draw as close to you and bless you as much as He is me.

Laying your body as a FREE WILL sacrifice on the altar of Christ's ultimate one is not even a repayment. It's necessary.
There's a strange kind of joy in self sacrifice. It finds those baby hands adorable, that time taken from your personal busy life a service to Christ. And it's not the self satisfied "OOOH, look at wonderful me and what I've done!" No, it's when you have a hundred things pressing on you and you show the kindness of Christ in the stress without wanting or needing any reward. He gives you joy. That blessing far exceeds any He could give.

Feminism is a bitter thing. A hard knot inside that can fool you into believing you're all right. Can even fool you into believing that you're not it.
The joy of Christ and the laying down of one's life exceeds it beyond all expectations. Try it, with an open heart and a willing mind.

But remember, don't set out to prove me wrong...if you come without a heart sick of illness and a searching for light, you will fail.

Until a man is nothing, God can make nothing out of him. ~ Martyn Luther.

And believe me, you will find true independence as you find release and freedom beyond your wildest dreams.
No, God is not going to dump you in a relationship with a guy when you get out of feminist mode. He's got way more work to do in you yet. And every step with Him, no matter the pain and the cost, is that humbling, chastened joy.

God bless!
~Janie