When Memories Journey...
Standing in the cold, hands in my pockets with cars splashing past, I gaze up at the inky blue sky.
No stars are out, for it's heavy with clouds. Kinda hard to believe that the shortest day has come and gone. Soon, though, the difference will start to show. Six long months of waiting, and light will come again. Light will always come again...until the Light of the World comes to outshine it forever.
It's a night like any other. The X51 is late. It's always late recently, and my skin is a grey-purply-white shade when it arrives at the bus stop, 20 minutes after me. I'm in jeans and a jumper, like I would be any other dress down day before Christmas. "Days of Elijah" is on repeat and I'm having a hard time not singing aloud.
Thoughts are busy romping in my head though. Cause this is the last night I shall ever travel home on the X51 from work.
I glance up the street as I board the bus.
Emotions are mixed as I prepare not only to change my travel, but also to leave my home of two and a half years and my hometown. It may be a rough place, Walsall, but I was born and raised there. Funny how attached you can get to little things. Little things...that often stay permanent, longer than people. But even those little things change, reduce to smaller, and you're left with fragments of a life...a doll from the prize table...a fragment of metal from Brunel's SS Great Britain...a tattered Bible from Sunday school.
That's another thing I'll be leaving behind...the church where my parents ran Bethany Christian Fellowship for eleven years was just around the corner from where we've been living.
The memories connected are definitely not all pleasant. But they are nothing I am...leaving without...nostalgia.
I started waiting for the guy I love just after my parents split, when we were living on my sister's living room floor.
I have walked the streets of this neighbourhood and travelled this path to work in tears, in pain, in numbness, in joy and wonder and Godfilled awe.
These..
This. God has...been very good to me.
It's very fitting...that my wait started around the time I began living here, and has ended just before I left. To start another part of life...
Passing the place where the bus stops near my twin brother's home. I'm tempted to get off the bus to visit him, to get off the bus and trot down the little twisty country lane, all dark with puddles. But not tonight, I think.
No, I'm going to get off at the pub and walk the forty five minutes walk home. I want to retrace the paths where I've wept and cried before God, where He has walked and talked and brought comfort to me...to pass over the Delves Green, the place where I've taken so many prayer walks, stopped to dwell on the sunsets and let peace sink into my soul, read the word, talked with kids who were rough and lighting fires but kindly and interested and lonely.
Walking down this path, smelling of damp earth and pungent leaves, I recall the first time I met Andrew Abraham and walked him to the bus stop, stopping on the way as I cried on his shoulder while telling him my life story.
So many memories...I'm in no hurry to get home tonight.
Time I walked down here, high after kissing a boy, rebelliously happy in my fight to stop the pain of waiting. Oh, I struggled so much waiting. Did I learn, truly learn that lesson of waiting on the Lord? I pray so.
I would love to cut the corner over the grass as I've done so often in my bare feet, slipping my shoes off until I got back to the concrete, but it's too muddy. It's been raining too hard today, and my shoes have holes in them, and I still have the walk across the Delves Green yet.
No, I'm in no hurry to get home tonight, for I will never walk this path again.
CCM playing in my left ear, the wind rushing past my right and the noise of cars passing...life..moving on...
"As Your will unfolds in my life"..."and as I wait, I'll rise up like the eagles"...
The noise of an aeroplane overhead makes me glance up to the glowy lights overhead. Yah...from my first flight to America in June 2011 to my fourth in October 2013, and all three flights to Ireland, all trips have started from here.
Oh, what a walk and trial of faith it's been. It is.
Even now, leaving everything I've known. It's a new step of life. A new era.
My heart is full tonight. I'm going to share the rest of this walk with my Best Friend, Father and Lover, Who's walked this path with me before and will also walk the next one.
Memories get tied to walks, but there's always a new walk, and never a reason not to take the only One who will always be with you along.
___
I step inside the door, shoes muddy, splattered a little with raindrops from the trees and other things dripping overhead. The joy of communion and knowing the presence of God reflects joy and peace into every ounce of my soul til I feel like I'm glowing, even though I know I'm not.
I start collecting the boxes and bags, taking some into my room and beginning to fold clothes into them.
The end of an era. The start of another. Life with God is always an adventure.
It's never going to be pain free. But pain separates me more and more from the things of this world and turns my eyes to Him.
And it's also never going to be Godfree. That I can count on.
I have lost so much.
But I've gained so much in return. A love that never fails. A Father Who always protects. A brother Who always looks out for me.
This is my God, and I will worship Him. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
"The secret of life is letting go,
The secret of love is letting it show...
This journey of life is a search for joy,
This journey of faith is following You
Every step of the way,
Through the joy and the pain...
All my days are in Your Hands.
Holy is our God,
Holy is Your Name,
Mighty are Your works and deeds and
Wondrous are Your ways,
For all that You have made
Shall return and give You glory, Lord."
No stars are out, for it's heavy with clouds. Kinda hard to believe that the shortest day has come and gone. Soon, though, the difference will start to show. Six long months of waiting, and light will come again. Light will always come again...until the Light of the World comes to outshine it forever.
It's a night like any other. The X51 is late. It's always late recently, and my skin is a grey-purply-white shade when it arrives at the bus stop, 20 minutes after me. I'm in jeans and a jumper, like I would be any other dress down day before Christmas. "Days of Elijah" is on repeat and I'm having a hard time not singing aloud.
Thoughts are busy romping in my head though. Cause this is the last night I shall ever travel home on the X51 from work.
I glance up the street as I board the bus.
Emotions are mixed as I prepare not only to change my travel, but also to leave my home of two and a half years and my hometown. It may be a rough place, Walsall, but I was born and raised there. Funny how attached you can get to little things. Little things...that often stay permanent, longer than people. But even those little things change, reduce to smaller, and you're left with fragments of a life...a doll from the prize table...a fragment of metal from Brunel's SS Great Britain...a tattered Bible from Sunday school.
That's another thing I'll be leaving behind...the church where my parents ran Bethany Christian Fellowship for eleven years was just around the corner from where we've been living.
The memories connected are definitely not all pleasant. But they are nothing I am...leaving without...nostalgia.
I started waiting for the guy I love just after my parents split, when we were living on my sister's living room floor.
I have walked the streets of this neighbourhood and travelled this path to work in tears, in pain, in numbness, in joy and wonder and Godfilled awe.
These..
This. God has...been very good to me.
It's very fitting...that my wait started around the time I began living here, and has ended just before I left. To start another part of life...
Passing the place where the bus stops near my twin brother's home. I'm tempted to get off the bus to visit him, to get off the bus and trot down the little twisty country lane, all dark with puddles. But not tonight, I think.
No, I'm going to get off at the pub and walk the forty five minutes walk home. I want to retrace the paths where I've wept and cried before God, where He has walked and talked and brought comfort to me...to pass over the Delves Green, the place where I've taken so many prayer walks, stopped to dwell on the sunsets and let peace sink into my soul, read the word, talked with kids who were rough and lighting fires but kindly and interested and lonely.
Walking down this path, smelling of damp earth and pungent leaves, I recall the first time I met Andrew Abraham and walked him to the bus stop, stopping on the way as I cried on his shoulder while telling him my life story.
So many memories...I'm in no hurry to get home tonight.
Time I walked down here, high after kissing a boy, rebelliously happy in my fight to stop the pain of waiting. Oh, I struggled so much waiting. Did I learn, truly learn that lesson of waiting on the Lord? I pray so.
I would love to cut the corner over the grass as I've done so often in my bare feet, slipping my shoes off until I got back to the concrete, but it's too muddy. It's been raining too hard today, and my shoes have holes in them, and I still have the walk across the Delves Green yet.
No, I'm in no hurry to get home tonight, for I will never walk this path again.
CCM playing in my left ear, the wind rushing past my right and the noise of cars passing...life..moving on...
"As Your will unfolds in my life"..."and as I wait, I'll rise up like the eagles"...
The noise of an aeroplane overhead makes me glance up to the glowy lights overhead. Yah...from my first flight to America in June 2011 to my fourth in October 2013, and all three flights to Ireland, all trips have started from here.
Oh, what a walk and trial of faith it's been. It is.
Even now, leaving everything I've known. It's a new step of life. A new era.
My heart is full tonight. I'm going to share the rest of this walk with my Best Friend, Father and Lover, Who's walked this path with me before and will also walk the next one.
Memories get tied to walks, but there's always a new walk, and never a reason not to take the only One who will always be with you along.
___
I step inside the door, shoes muddy, splattered a little with raindrops from the trees and other things dripping overhead. The joy of communion and knowing the presence of God reflects joy and peace into every ounce of my soul til I feel like I'm glowing, even though I know I'm not.
I start collecting the boxes and bags, taking some into my room and beginning to fold clothes into them.
The end of an era. The start of another. Life with God is always an adventure.
It's never going to be pain free. But pain separates me more and more from the things of this world and turns my eyes to Him.
And it's also never going to be Godfree. That I can count on.
I have lost so much.
But I've gained so much in return. A love that never fails. A Father Who always protects. A brother Who always looks out for me.
This is my God, and I will worship Him. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
"The secret of life is letting go,
The secret of love is letting it show...
This journey of life is a search for joy,
This journey of faith is following You
Every step of the way,
Through the joy and the pain...
All my days are in Your Hands.
Holy is our God,
Holy is Your Name,
Mighty are Your works and deeds and
Wondrous are Your ways,
For all that You have made
Shall return and give You glory, Lord."
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)