Soap for Jesus

When I rededicated my life to the Lord in my late teens, I began what seemed to be a lesson a year. First it was love - God began to teach me how to love with His love, to see with His eyes, as I prayed for it. The next year was faith, and the following faith and trust. It wasn't like I picked these to work on - love was what brought me back to Him - a breakthrough from my friend Taylor W. - and faith and trust have always been struggles, partly because I like to understand things, and partly because I've never learnt to trust deeply, easily. Faith, as you know if you live by it, is a walk in trust. The two, though different, are deeply and intimately connected. To walk by faith is to walk in trust, and to trust fully means utter and complete faith. One of the joys of following Jesus has been to see His love through different aspects of my life - as I like to say, "God's love is of the same beauty and diversity as a many faceted diamond." First, I learned His...

Walking hurriedly along the street in the cool evening air, I glanced sideways at my reflection in the glass window, noting again my arms with dissatisfaction. I barely had time to think, rushing madly as I was to get the 8:39 train in time, trying to take in and appreciate the surroundings around me (anti-depression technique), but my shoulders sagged a little, thinking of my dissatisfaction with the way I looked, trying to concentrate on it being more important the way I am inside and yes, I DO like my style. Including the trainers. It's independent looking, like I don't care what people think - and I don't, to some degree. But there are certain things about my body that I don't like. Since being rejected, that insecurity has gained a lot of ground, even though I try to ignore it. Rushing along Broad Street, I neared three guys in suits sauntering along. Looking ahead, I went to go past them when one, on a phone, waved at me, in front of my face. I smiled at him as...

Note: The way I live out my faith is...somewhat radical, because I believe in an intimate relationship with Jesus. So be prepared. :P I felt sticky, and ugghy, and grotty and bleh as I stepped outside of the office building where I work. It was another dragging high pressure day, and as much as I love my job, the atmosphere (and the worry) sometimes gets to me. Pulling my phone out of my jacket pocket as I began the twenty(ish) minute walk to the train station, I tried to catch up on a few people's posts, shielding the phone from the glare of the sun. A dear friend and sister posted about how some cruel people had laughed and called her fat before running off, and how broken she was feeling. Couldn't do much, but posted a quick note and walked off praying for her. It's been a beautiful day, in the between. And the between is what counts, isn't it? For right now, I'm in the brightness, the sun shining bright and the world glowing with colour and hope and beau...

Believe it or not, this was actually a planned post over the last couple of days. Because I tend to preach things when I'm struggling with them; post encouragement when I'm in desperate need of it; write words that I know are true to make myself believe them, as well as you. I can't remember the original substance of this post, as hard as I'm trying to recall it and wind it in with what I'm writing now. I write a lot on Twitter; in fact, I'm more open on Twitter than on Facebook because I feel safer. My tweets get lost in millions of others, and only two specific people watch my tweets to see how I am. So I thought. I've received rebukes off people before for being too open, being too depressing. Watching my kids recently turn away from God and to despair added into the fact that I'm getting left behind by many of my friends as they enter college/leave college and-or get married was just part of the unconscious building up of "hard evidence...

There's just something I want to close up today's mass of posts (particularly on Facebook, though also attempted on Google Plus and a few on Twitter) with, before I go to my corner chair with my fluffy blanket and Sherlock Holmes DVD. I truly hope that today has shown, not just from me, but from the others who have been (and on the other side of the pond, still are) participating in our Singles' Valentine, where our hearts and love truly lie. Being single is not something to be morose and sad about. It's a joy to be able to focus heart, life and mind in, around and on Christ. Even if we feel the sting of rejection, or not being wanted, we know there IS Someone Who wants us, Who made us, Who rejoices in us, and Who loves us completely. Today is our day to celebrate loving and living for Him. He has loved us unconditionally. His love drove Him to die for us, to bear all our sins, and to conquer death by rising from the grave. But that wasn't the end of it. No. Fo...

Standing in the cold, hands in my pockets with cars splashing past, I gaze up at the inky blue sky. No stars are out, for it's heavy with clouds. Kinda hard to believe that the shortest day has come and gone. Soon, though, the difference will start to show. Six long months of waiting, and light will come again. Light will always come again...until the Light of the World comes to outshine it forever. It's a night like any other. The X51 is late. It's always late recently, and my skin is a grey-purply-white shade when it arrives at the bus stop, 20 minutes after me. I'm in jeans and a jumper, like I would be any other dress down day before Christmas. "Days of Elijah" is on repeat and I'm having a hard time not singing aloud. Thoughts are busy romping in my head though. Cause this is the last night I shall ever travel home on the X51 from work. I glance up the street as I board the bus. Emotions are mixed as I prepare not only to change my travel, but...

Lady. As a little girl, the word conjured up images of aristocratic society women with high piled hair, dainty hats and pretty Victorian-y dresses, complete with parasols and fans with refined accents. I was a very girlish girl, and deep inside had a longing to be like that. At the same time, strangely, there arose the wild me, the one with the crazy urges to do daring things, but that sat on them and hid behind long hair and long skirts. Then I joined cadets. I realised that the world of wild and daring antics didn't just belong to boys. And the tomboy in me jumped up and down on the girlishness as I backslid, sneering it for weakness. With backsliding and hardening as I hit the world full pelt came jeering at womanly things. I didn't need to be some man's meek little wife and everlasting baby factory. I was _me_. Individual. Strong. Able to face the world on her own. I was a woman. No lady. My actions degraded me from the Queen of Purity and Virtue to a tag-al...

I guess it's a pretty well known fact that I don't trust guys. Even though I love my brothers, (I really do. You guys are awesome!), I still can't trust most of the guys I know. (That not being entirely your faults; often it's mine, in that I feel I can't trust you because you don't know how bad I am. :P) There are a few that made it into my closed, barred, walled and icy heart. Because when it comes to trusting, that's exactly what I am. Remember I said that was what God was working on next? :D Those few (four/five in total) have faced every kind of backfire you could possibly imagine from me. And they still care about me. They're pretty amazing guys. God's...God works so clearly in them and through them to the people around them. To me, they're the epitome of Unconditional Love. God's Love. It was 5am GMT, and 11pm CST, when one of these guys was up chatting me one night. I won't name him to spare him embarrassment, but he'...

Now I've posted one topic on the state of my affections, ready yourselves for a barrage of day-to-day stuff I notice comparative between the love of God and this earthly, God-given affection. :D One of my friends posted an interesting reply to my last night tweet, which was: God is so very good to me, that I'm so very in love with two wonderful guys. He said: You can't be 'in love' with someone you've never met. I'm guessing he meant I couldn't be in love with God. But again, I had to chuckle, because the guy I'm in love with now, I have loved for two years. I met him last year and spent a very short period of time with him, and that has been the one and only time in our lives, in our four-and-a-half year friendship that we've met. Oh yes, I can be in love with someone I've never met. I spend time every day or couple of days chatting with him. I talk about him. I think about him. I pray over him. I think of him when doing som...

We cheered on the Olympians, and still more the Paralympians, with pride in our countries and awe at their amazing achievements. Those guys (and gals) sacrificed years and time and money and strength and purpose to one goal - to compete here. As Christians, we have our own Olympics to run. Our goal - which is Heaven, our struggle - which is life. And we are commanded to run in such a way as to win the prize - the prize of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus. I went to the opening of the Baptist Bible College in Telford area today. The guy who preached was Pastor David More. He talked on running the race. But not so much the beginning, as the ending. We need to end well. Many people, he said, start off enthusiastically and with zeal. But not so many end up finishing well, because they didn't run with dedication and purpose. We need to set our sights on Christ and following Him. That must be our goal. We may change immediate goals and our lives turn around in the me...

Today's praise and thankfulness list! Tomorrow is Friday! We get to dress down, so I can wear a t-shirt and denim. :D I'm going out with Mom almost every Saturday to places all over Britain. This Saturday we're going to a castle and the beach in Wales! God put good friends in my life. :) Friends who mentor me, encourage me and try to heal my insecurity without shunning me because of it. My new fantasy novel, which I'm intensely intrigued by (it was started by a dream as I had a nap on my desk at work). I've just applied to a singing concert in Solihull, thanks to my sister's Auntie Chris who knows all the right places to go. :D I just have to pay and show up! I have my 425 Squadron hoodie and my 196 Squadron t-shirt. *happy* I'm getting better at dancing with Mr. Invisible. ;) Work is going well at the moment and my bosses are happy with me. :) Dreams of going for flight attendant, depending on how things work out. Plans seem to be m...

This week has been one of getting lost in God's presence and doing what I love most - reaching out and being there to support, encourage and lift people up in prayer together before the Lord. Next week will be one of doubt, despair, darkness and sadness surrounding, seeping, overpowering from all directions. Question is...will I give in? Will the darkness encompass and take over my soul, or will I let it drive me towards the Rock of Ages? Will I feed on Him and feast in Him and drown myself in Him and continue to struggle on to shine His life and His light out, or will I let go and give way piece by piece on what I believe and/or know to be true, and watch the darkness come in? Darkness always creeps in by the shadows. But light always follows the night. If I say, surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be(come) as night - (why!) even the darkness is not dark to Thee! And the night is as bright as the day! Psalm 139 God is so kind. So gentle...

(As most of you know, I'm in Overland Park, Kansas, staying with the Noe family for the One Year Adventure Novel - OYAN - Workshop 2012. Today, June 23, is the day after the workshop ended.) Sarah Noe is wearing a very cool t-shirt. It has on the back "Live, Move, Be", and a Scripture reference in Acts. I likey. I'm struggling to find words to say what's in my heart, so for right now, I'm just going to type out the little speech thingie I gave last night just before the final session ended. I was shaking, writing this. I wrote it and struggled with words, and re-read to find out that it said a lot that struck the chords inside of me, but nothing that really seemed to say my deepest emotions. I debated backing out of reading it...and the only reason I wrote it was so I'd stand less chance of crying on stage. I prayed God would bless it and that it would be used to bless, but it felt totally inadequate and I wasn't expecting Him to. I know this...

Not in chronological order. ;) _ On deciding to work on BfD, I found the second book and took it to work with me yesterday. I was chatting with Navpreet (my adopted daughter) about it casually during lunch break, and she asked to look at it. When she started to read it, she got so caught up she lost track of where she was. One - WHOOPS. Two - YAY! _ For the last two days, I've worn my OYAN t-shirt to work. It's amusing walking down the street and watching people read it. So were my colleagues at work - and liked it. (Yes, Mr. S., I'm attempting to infiltrate the whole of Britain with OYAN. Slowly. :P) This morning, carrying four heavy bags and hurrying towards work, I passed a guy who read it out loud as I walked past him. "My villain can beat up your villain?" And started laughing. I grinned. "Yep! And no arguing about it!" That was funny. _ After almost two years of waiting (cause I even got my close friends' names out of h...

No, it's not the Apostle. No, we haven't taken in anyone by the name of Peter, and yes, I'm still single and living under my mother's roof. Before y'all panic. For the past three years, I've undergone severe writer's block on "my novel", Born From Death. As some of you are aware, it was based on a conflict at my Squadron between a few cadets and myself, regarding Christianity, indecent talk on the Squadron, blasphemy, etc. In retaliation and the only method of revenge I could, I decided to write a book where my main antagonist was born again. Thus...Born From Death was born. Chapter 10 was written. Then sections from 2, 1, 11, 5, 12, 9 and 3. The plot was fitting together beautifully. I gave the book to Christ and asked Him to write and use it for His glory. Then the unthinkable happened. I fell in love with the guy my main character, Peter Westcott, was based off. And he left the Squadron one beautiful, painful month later. An...

It's painful. And it's sore. It's so sore I spend washtime dabbing water on portions of my skin because if I shower properly, I end up crying with pain. It's inherited genetically. I remember Daddy telling me his started when he was 19. It went all over his entire body - including his face. He had the wet kind - weeping, they call it - on his face. He had to go to work every day like that. And he said he felt disgusting, like a leper. Until he took aloe vera tablets, which reduced his eczema to some kind of controllable level. It started when I was a kid. Behind the backs of my knees and in the crooks of my arms. Then it faded until I only had it occasionally on the elbow of my right arm. Last year, it flared up again. REALLY bad. On my arms. Then I went to America. It was bad when I arrived. Came back a little in Oregon due to the dryness of the air. But otherwise, it was cleared. I forgot I had ever had eczema. Then I came home. And started work. ...

I keep thinking, there's a lot of people I miss, when I have time and stop and think about those that used to frequently traverse my life, and made such a difference...and are now no longer there. Just...faded out. Or left. I want to go after them...and I wonder. Is it worth it? Am I to make the moves and wait and see? They mean a lot to me and always will. Whether it be time, life, choice or me that's taken you away. I still love you, even though our walks have gone differently and may never cross again. :) And I'm pretty sure some of you still love me. Or is this it...the cauldron of life that will show those who stay through to the solid end. I could probably name on two hands (and that's very blessed) those who have never left. I'm not going to try for fear of leaving some very special person out. :) Even people that speak on occasion - like Dri. Sandy. Anjel. You know who you are - all you who stayed, all of you who made sacrifices and laid down your personal t...

Boys play house. Men build homes. Boys "shack up". Men get married. Boys make babies. Men raise children. A boy won't raise his own children. A man will raise someone else's. Boys invent excuses for failure. Men produce strategies for success. Boys look for someone to take care of them. Men look for someone to take care of. Boys seek popularity. Men demand respect and know how to give it. Boys go with the flow. Men stand out and make a difference - no matter how big or small. Boys want the benefits of adulthood and the freedoms of childhood. Men take on the responsibilities of both. I found this on a picture post on Facebook. And women? What are your thoughts on women vs girls? Can we make another post? :)