Being A Lady

Lady.

As a little girl, the word conjured up images of aristocratic society women with high piled hair, dainty hats and pretty Victorian-y dresses, complete with parasols and fans with refined accents.

I was a very girlish girl, and deep inside had a longing to be like that.

At the same time, strangely, there arose the wild me, the one with the crazy urges to do daring things, but that sat on them and hid behind long hair and long skirts.

Then I joined cadets. I realised that the world of wild and daring antics didn't just belong to boys. And the tomboy in me jumped up and down on the girlishness as I backslid, sneering it for weakness.

With backsliding and hardening as I hit the world full pelt came jeering at womanly things. I didn't need to be some man's meek little wife and everlasting baby factory. I was _me_. Individual. Strong. Able to face the world on her own.

I was a woman. No lady. My actions degraded me from the Queen of Purity and Virtue to a tag-along of the world of sluts. Half of me rejoiced at what I'd gained - my toughness - and half of me mourned what was lost.

But there came along one man. Who stayed with me from my final days as Queen of the Order of Purity and Virtue, through my backsliding, through my worst behaviour, through the worst things in my life.

And he looked at me with Jesus's eyes. He hugged me when I needed it. He was there when I cried. He stopped me hurting myself on more than one occasion - by his words, and by the thought of the look in his eyes if he knew.

I didn't think I was lovable. He told me I was.
I didn't think I was beautiful. He tells me I am.
I don't think I'm pure. He reminds me who I am in Christ.
I don't think I'm a lady. He calls me and treats me as such.

If there's one thing that will call out the lady in a woman, it's a man who treats her that way. Not in the holding of doors and the bowing to a curtsy, but the man who looks on her with quiet and unpolluted gaze and says, "This is God's and I will love her into knowing it." It's not in the actions, it's in the living.

And he did. I know you'll read this. Thank you.

I read an article the other day, promoted by a friend of mine, aimed to try and destroy sexual objectification (yay) and beauty culture myths (also yay).

I agreed with a lot of it.

But this part disturbed me:
2) Do at least one “embarrassing” action a day. Another healthy daily ritual that reinforces the idea that we don’t exist to only please others is to purposefully do at least one action that violates “ladylike” social norms. Discuss your period in public. Swing your arms a little too much when you walk. Open doors for everyone. Offer to help men carry things. Skip a lot. Galloping also works. Get comfortable with making others uncomfortable.


Sure, embarrassing is great. Particularly if you're a crazy OYANer. I'll walk around barefoot, meow at strangers, tacklehug a random person, tell someone I don't know that they look great or are amazing.
I often swing my arms when I'm walking - particularly if I'm dancing in public.
I open doors for people.
I offer to help men carry things.
I like skipping...sometimes. My body build doesn't make me very comfortable in doing so.

But.

Discussing your period in public is, I consider, inappropriate as a general thing. It's private. Not your body as such.
I hold doors for people UNTIL a man offers (if he does) to take it off me, then ask if he's sure, and then say thank you. It's a matter of respect.
I offer to help men carry things - and I more often than not accept if he offers to take something off me when his hands are empty.

Because I believe in equality, but I also believe in respecting men and giving them their place in society if they're willing to take it. No, it's not about the actions. But sometimes, the actions can trigger the living. If I act in a way to respect a man, he will (hopefully) be more likely to want to be worthy of respect.


Granted, few do. But for the sake of the few...
My best friend treated me as a lady. And I was loved back to Christ.

What is a lady?

Because I don't think it's the other vision either - a kerchiefed woman in plain attire and long skirt, answering "yes dear" and "no dear", being very gentle and quiet.

I hated that vision as much as I hated the oft-thrown "meek and quiet spirit" because it was told me so that _I_ would be "meek and quiet". I'm not a quiet person. :P And I didn't think it right that I should change so much of myself, because otherwise God wouldn't have created the variety.

I roam now in jeans and t-shirts, makeupless, one day and lace dresses, piled hair and makeup the next.

And I don't bother with trying to restrict my behaviour to ultra-conservative Christian ideas or expand it to loose liberals. I wear what I'm comfortable in until told it's inappropriate.

God wants a spirit that is submissive to Him - to His will in our lives. Not in a crushed-to-the-earth attitude.

Yes, God created us all different for a reason.

I don't think being a lady can be defined. I think God defined it by giving us our characters, and so do we.

Being a lady = a woman to be loved.

God makes the lady He wants. Just surrender and seek for and live for Him.


In Christ,
Mademoiselle Siân