Living With Peter

No, it's not the Apostle.

No, we haven't taken in anyone by the name of Peter, and yes, I'm still single and living under my mother's roof. Before y'all panic.

For the past three years, I've undergone severe writer's block on "my novel", Born From Death.

As some of you are aware, it was based on a conflict at my Squadron between a few cadets and myself, regarding Christianity, indecent talk on the Squadron, blasphemy, etc.

In retaliation and the only method of revenge I could, I decided to write a book where my main antagonist was born again.

Thus...Born From Death was born.


Chapter 10 was written. Then sections from 2, 1, 11, 5, 12, 9 and 3.

The plot was fitting together beautifully. I gave the book to Christ and asked Him to write and use it for His glory.

Then the unthinkable happened.

I fell in love with the guy my main character, Peter Westcott, was based off. And he left the Squadron one beautiful, painful month later.

And BfD slowly ground to a halt as I grieved...and backslid - severely.


Two years later, I began to work on it again. Intermittently.

And discovered a huge problem that I couldn't get around. Peter loved Abbie. I'd vaguely known that all along. Now I was faced with the problem of writing it. And writing it in. Into a story where it doesn't work that they both love one another, but they do.

I wrote two scenes of soppy, romantic mush. Moonlight, panting-puppy-with-tongue-lolling kinda stuff. People liked it. And said it was totally unrealistic.

And I gave up.

The emotion I felt towards that particular guy, while nothing like the love God has given me and grown in me and shown me now, was pretty deep rooted all the same. And it's still scarred.
And I had absolutely no idea how to write it. Neither the love then or the love now could really prepare me to write such a delicate, life-binding, spell-weaving, ever-changing simple complexity into my novel.

And I had two upset people inside.

Abbie, ever gentle, retreating into soft silence.
And Pete, turning sullen, going into his favourite pose of icy glares, crossed arms and leaning on all doorposts.

Enough is enough.
I'm a writer at heart. I work my job, read God's Word, pray, sing, chat, blog, email, tweet, occasionally FB and sleep. And eat. And be random.
But I miss my books and even more so, the art of writing.

So two days ago, I collared Keifer Lucchi and with his character Regano, we brought Abbie and Peter, still alive, into the chat room. Regano came out with some real solid, good advice. Enough to make Keifer headdesk. Regano pointed out a few pertinent facts, while Pete also expressed his views as to why I was so reluctant to write this. And by the end, Pete was grinning.

Which I reassure you, after three years of icy glares, crossed arms and snarled answers, is fairly frightening.

Regano suggested I took Pete with me to work the next day...so I did. And at the same time as I pulled out my old purple folder, I rededicated the book to God. It's His story. :)

Pete and I chatted while I dialled. Here's a short transcript of most of the conversation.

Me: Good morning, Pete.

Pete: Good morning.

Me: You seem quite happy today.

Pete: Well, I am. You're finally interested in actually facing Abbie and me.

Me: I have to apologise before we start chatting. I'm at work and on the phones, so I have to keep stopping and starting. Sorry about that.

Pete: That's all right. Long as you're talking. (Some script missing as Pete got somewhat personal. Which he's rolling his eyes at. ;)) ...never mind. So do you think you could base Abbie and me off this (new love)?

Me: No.

Pete: That was quick. Why not? I thought this had brought out the best and the worst in you.

Me: It has. But I don't understand.....love.

Pete: So you could work on that. You're never going to understand love - Sian.

Me: No, but the other guy and I were completely different to this.

Pete: And you need to understand that Abbie and I are different to both of those!

Me: But you can't have "Christian" love!

Pete: No, but we can have something beautiful and realistic all the same! Stop being afraid of the pain! Open up, Jane, and let your heart see. Go on...go back, and read our history, let go of you and that guy, allow yourself to open to the pain, and love and watch and learn.


Wow. I learned something about myself through looking through Peter's eyes. He's right...that was one of the reasons I was backing off - fear of opening the memories.
But something I've always wanted is to use the pain; past, present and future. And that is why this needs to be stepped over.

And while praying and talking with a much more relaxed guy, the plot finally started to come together for the Love Scene. In 12 stages.

1 - Attempts kiss.
2 - Rejection (she slaps him across the face).
3 - Gets out over the Sqn.
4 - Causes problems.
5 - Jim Alehurst falls for her.
6/7 - Pete recognises his own feelings for her on hearing something from Abbie.
8 - Makes an advance by asking her out. (At which she wavers.)
9/10 - Rejection at the same time as another personal crisis.
11/12 Bitterness leads to drinking parties which leads to the end of Chap. 3.

Thank. You. Lord!

No room for kissy scenes there. :D

I can't believe how Good You are to me....<3

Your excited
~Mademoiselle Siân