Awesome Thought

This is probably one of the shortest blog posts I've ever written, but it's a sudden thing that struck home to me while chatting to someone about their relationship.

It's so awesome, I have to share it.

I love someone. And it's a very hard situation for me. I'm used to crushing it and refusing to let it grow, because I'm afraid of getting hurt.
Recently, I made the choice to let go of it. And I think I just saw the clearest exactly why I had to let go of controlling it.

How many of us flee from pain? How many of us sing, "Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee," and actually mean, "Take my life but let it be; what I can cope with, give to me"?

It's when you can't cope with the pain that God takes over. When He gives you the burden that sinks you into the ground and you surrender it back to Him, that's when He leads you into the most blessed path of closeness to Him.

Oh yes, fleeing from the pain is often because we can't control it. Don't we all like structure and order in our lives? Don't we like to know what's going on, where, when, and be in control to some degree of it? And don't we all have that fear of the unknown? Passing into the glory of His blessed presence isn't about the fear being conquered, but the fear vanishing. And not by your efforts, but by His peace.

Inexplicable. Indescribable. What an amazing God we serve.

My friend said that crushing her love was easier than accepting it.

It leaves you vulnerable and sensitive to so much more than you ever were before. All love does in varying degrees, but when you love someone in that way, it has the most power to crush you.
And it would. And it can. When you don't lean on God.

Wow, even as I'm typing this is literally slapping me in the face with a force unbelievable.

You have to lean on God and trust Him with that love to be able to love to the fullest extent - even in the face of rejection.
I've gone about it the wrong way - loving first and turning to God afterwards. I was so afraid God would take my love and trample and crush it because He didn't want a rival. How wrong I was...He works through it to glorify Himself, to demonstrate Himself, to bring us closer to Himself. And without Him, we can't truly love. Not love to the extent and capacity for which He designed us.

What God is changing in me through this is perfectly amazing. I have said the exact same thing as my friend. I still do in my rebellious moods. What girl wants to love a guy who may reject her at any time? Definitely not me. I've kicked and screamed practically all the way.

But I keep going - not for me. Not for him. But for God's will in my life. Because in my most sensitive area is where He can change the most.
Where I am most vulnerable is the opening gate to my heart, where He can reach in to touch and purify and beautify and change. And the more He enables me to love, the more I love, the more I see of Him in this love, the more I marvel at His love, and the more I praise Him in it.

Lord, painful as it is, hurting as I am and have, I praise You for the changes You're doing through it. And thank You. Thank You for giving me this love. Thank You for keeping it alight for however long is Your Will. Thank You for the lessons through it. Thank You for loving me.


In Christ,
~Jane