Sisters Chat
When girls get to talking heart to heart, serious issues ensue. This is a brief section of a conversation between my little sister Daisy and I. I have her permission to share it with you.
Daisy has had many issues in her life; some being dealing with her parents' divorce and the lack of a father, general depression, self harm, etc. Daisy, like a lot of unfortunate girls who lack either a father's real or emotional presence/support, turned from one guy to another - as brothers (and sometimes falling into more) - to provide the stability that was missing. Even girls with happy families will do this, because - horrible as it sounds - we're looking for the physical reality of Christ. And you won't ever, ever find this in a guy.
Guys are human. Fallible. (I will keep out of my rants here and look logically, so don't start worrying about an anti-guy shoot-off!) They have their own issues with insecurity and feeling inadequate to meet standards. Why in the world we girls look up to them as sources of trust, reliability and never failing pillars, I really don't know. Because truthfully, the only solid Rock Who will never let us down is Jesus Christ.
Yes, I don't really have much room to talk about this myself, having recently come out of the same kind of broken relationship with my best friend. And it's something I'm still thinking through...and I'm kinda grateful when God gives me opportunities to talk to someone else/advise them on it, because it forces me to look at myself more objectively than I can do when God is not speaking through me.
Daisy had been through leaning on one guy as an older brother, who had appeared to be there for here, supporting her, stopping her committing suicide...and then he turned away from her, telling her practically that he was through with her. He was wrapped up in his girlfriend. Another guy, Charlie, who was a user then promised to support her. With prayer and effort on her part, she got rid of him...and then another guy came into her life. I know both well enough to know that she is in no danger from him, and he is in control because he has given his heart to God. However, she is in danger from herself, and I loathe watching her walk down the same path I took and being helpless to stop her.
But anyway. Sisters Chat is as follows...this begins after a copied chat from between her and the guy, Dan.
Oh, and if you don't know. :) My real name is Sian Jones, although my pen name is Jane Johnson. Just to clarify things as I really don't want to have to change my name all the way through.
Daisy: *happeh*
Daisy: *grins*
Daisy: *smiles at stares up at Sian for her answer*
Daisy: *puppydogeyes*
Sian Jones: *chuckle*
Sian Jones: Which part?
Sian Jones: *sigh*
Daisy: :)
Daisy: What?
Sian Jones: You want my answer on what?
Daisy: I think I know what it will be...
Daisy: *points up*
Sian Jones: Love you?
Daisy: I want your opinion... is this normal for Dan?
Daisy: *blink*
Sian Jones: I think...
Sian Jones: *carefully*
Daisy: *blink*
Sian Jones: You're walking headlong....into another deep ditch...with your eyes open.
Daisy: Translate?
Sian Jones: *sighs*
Sian Jones: You want Dan to love you.
Sian Jones: You want a romantic relationship, because you want a guy to draw strength from.
Sian Jones: To lean on.
Sian Jones: To know that he's there for you.
Daisy: *winces*
Sian Jones: To know he understands your pain.
Sian Jones: Because
Sian Jones: I've done it
Sian Jones: too.
Sian Jones: With Jackson.
Sian Jones: I've said it a hundred times.
Daisy: *sighs*
Sian Jones: And...
Sian Jones: *sighs and wishes I could diminish the force of the blow instead of making the weight hit home*
Sian Jones: You are...
Sian Jones: Setting Dan up...
Sian Jones: In your heart....
Sian Jones: To..
Sian Jones: Fulfill your emotional needs...
Sian Jones: In...
Sian Jones: the place...
Sian Jones: Of God.
Daisy: No.. never...
Sian Jones: Idolatry doesn't just come in the act of worshipping an image.
Daisy: I just feel a little empty.. with no dad to help me...
Sian Jones: I. Know.
Sian Jones: Argh.
Daisy: I just *blink* I don't know..
Sian Jones: Read this.
Daisy: Okay.
Daisy: *waiting*
Sian Jones: http://jjwatc1290.blogspot.com/2010/08/flirtation.html
Sian Jones: Thing is...anything we look to...to provide emotional stability...outside of Christ...is saying that Christ can't do it...
Daisy: *is reading*
Sian Jones: It was to show you how I viewed the guys in my life, more than anything.
Daisy: *nods* okay, I have gotten a ways through
Sian Jones: Lacking a real father relationship, and lacking brothers I could lean on, should drive me close to Christ.
Daisy: I think I get your point
Sian Jones: instead, I went looking for that from those guys.
Sian Jones: Every. Single. One. has failed.
Daisy: *sighs*
Sian Jones: Every. Single. One. has gone away, somehow.
Sian Jones: It took Jackson kicking me into sense to see that I needed to turn my heart back completely to God.
Sian Jones: Or rather - be willing to let Him take control...
Sian Jones: And not to turn to another guy, hoping against hope that this one wouldn't let me down either.
Sian Jones: I wanted Jackson there to lean on. To provide emotional security. To be someone to turn to at the end of a long rough day.
Sian Jones: I still struggle with it now.
Sian Jones: But God...is the only One...Who can actually fulfill those needs.
Daisy: Mhhmm... I don't know what it is, but somthing about having a guy there, physiclly there... to talk to, it just... helps...
Daisy: I know that God can
Sian Jones: I know it does.
Daisy: I just wish I could see him.
Sian Jones: Daisy, I know, so much understand, EXACTLY what you're going through.
Sian Jones: I'm still struggling with it. I do understand. I do know, and I do care. So much!
Daisy: *nods*
Daisy: After Charlie, I kinda feel, empty...
Sian Jones: I wouldn't even be saying all of this at the risk of hurting you if it wasn't for your ultimate good.
Daisy: *shrugs*
Sian Jones: I know.
Sian Jones: Because it FELT good.
Sian Jones: Argh.
Daisy: *nods* Yeah...
Sian Jones: I'm still seeing things in such shadow...
Sian Jones: Undefined shapes.
Sian Jones: But all I can think of is...
Sian Jones: Feelings are what the flesh work off. You know the old saying of the world - if it feels good, do it.
Daisy: *nods*
Sian Jones: Feelings are blinding, and misguiding, and can lead you so much the wrong way.
Daisy: I know...
Sian Jones: Feelings are also what makes us feel lonely, abandoned, hurt, used, neglected.
Sian Jones: See....
Sian Jones: *thoughtfully*
Sian Jones: If you turn your emotions over to God...
Sian Jones: Your feelings...
Sian Jones: Completely....
Sian Jones: And LET GO of them....
Sian Jones: Somehow all of that disappears.
Sian Jones: I don't know how to explain it.
Daisy: *nods*
Daisy: I just can't seem to do that.
Daisy: Its hard.
Sian Jones: There've been days when I've been given the grace to let go and look from a new perspective. it's so freeing.
Sian Jones: But so much "easier" when we have control. When we direct our lives to where WE want them to go, and claim it's God's way cause it's easier on us.
Sian Jones: No, you can't.
Sian Jones: I can't.
Sian Jones: No one can.
Daisy: *blink*
Sian Jones: It's full surrender, and that's one of the hardest things to do. You consciously give yourself to Christ, Just. As. You. Are.
Sian Jones: And
Sian Jones: STOP fighting Him.
Sian Jones: Pray that He shows you every time you are.
Sian Jones: (For me, it's easy to tell...I become extremely miserable. :))
Sian Jones: And then
Sian Jones: Tell Him to take it...
Sian Jones: And stop saying, I won't, or, my way.
Daisy: *nods*
Daisy: *siiigh* I would love to hear more...
Daisy: but I have to go..
Sian Jones: I would love to be granted wisdom enough to show you more.
Sian Jones: Hearing it is one thing.
Sian Jones: Listening to it is another.
Daisy: Doing is another
Sian Jones: Chew it over. Think long and hard.
Sian Jones: Meditate on it.
Daisy: I will...
Sian Jones: And don't....
Daisy: *nods*
Sian Jones: ...keep thinking, I wonder if Dan really likes me.
Daisy: *sighs* I won't...
Daisy: I'll try
Daisy: Hard.
Daisy: *small smile*
Sian Jones: I wonder if he'll always be around to provide the enveloping shield of love I need to face the world in and to fall back on when it hits me in the face.
Sian Jones: Cause...
Sian Jones: That's Christ's job.
Daisy: I won't..
Daisy: I just don't want to go over the whole "attached" thing again.
Sian Jones: You're already heading for it, sweetheart.
Sian Jones: That's why, you need to be SO careful.
Daisy: *nods*
Sian Jones: *holds tightly*
Sian Jones: If only I could've had this pain once for the two of us.
Daisy: I want him just to be my friend right now.
Daisy: *nods*
Sian Jones: In your head...
Sian Jones: And your common sense.
Sian Jones: Hearts are different issues. That's why Christ needs to reign there.
Sian Jones: Deepest emotion.
Sian Jones: I love you and God bless, sis.
Daisy: I love you too
Daisy: *hugs*
Daisy: Remember, I am not going to do anything...
Daisy: At least, try
Daisy: And I want Dan just to stay my friend... for the record.
Daisy: But that might ot stop me from wndering.
Daisy: But I will try not too
Sian Jones: I know you do. And you're terrified he'll go.
Sian Jones: Which makes you hang on tighter.
Daisy: I am.
Daisy: *sighs*
Sian Jones: *hugs and holds*
Daisy: *hugs back* Love you sis.
Sian Jones: I wish...I pray...you don't have to go through what I did.
Sian Jones: I love you too. So very, very much.
*N.B. All other names are protected apart from my own.
Daisy has had many issues in her life; some being dealing with her parents' divorce and the lack of a father, general depression, self harm, etc. Daisy, like a lot of unfortunate girls who lack either a father's real or emotional presence/support, turned from one guy to another - as brothers (and sometimes falling into more) - to provide the stability that was missing. Even girls with happy families will do this, because - horrible as it sounds - we're looking for the physical reality of Christ. And you won't ever, ever find this in a guy.
Guys are human. Fallible. (I will keep out of my rants here and look logically, so don't start worrying about an anti-guy shoot-off!) They have their own issues with insecurity and feeling inadequate to meet standards. Why in the world we girls look up to them as sources of trust, reliability and never failing pillars, I really don't know. Because truthfully, the only solid Rock Who will never let us down is Jesus Christ.
Yes, I don't really have much room to talk about this myself, having recently come out of the same kind of broken relationship with my best friend. And it's something I'm still thinking through...and I'm kinda grateful when God gives me opportunities to talk to someone else/advise them on it, because it forces me to look at myself more objectively than I can do when God is not speaking through me.
Daisy had been through leaning on one guy as an older brother, who had appeared to be there for here, supporting her, stopping her committing suicide...and then he turned away from her, telling her practically that he was through with her. He was wrapped up in his girlfriend. Another guy, Charlie, who was a user then promised to support her. With prayer and effort on her part, she got rid of him...and then another guy came into her life. I know both well enough to know that she is in no danger from him, and he is in control because he has given his heart to God. However, she is in danger from herself, and I loathe watching her walk down the same path I took and being helpless to stop her.
But anyway. Sisters Chat is as follows...this begins after a copied chat from between her and the guy, Dan.
Oh, and if you don't know. :) My real name is Sian Jones, although my pen name is Jane Johnson. Just to clarify things as I really don't want to have to change my name all the way through.
Daisy: *happeh*
Daisy: *grins*
Daisy: *smiles at stares up at Sian for her answer*
Daisy: *puppydogeyes*
Sian Jones: *chuckle*
Sian Jones: Which part?
Sian Jones: *sigh*
Daisy: :)
Daisy: What?
Sian Jones: You want my answer on what?
Daisy: I think I know what it will be...
Daisy: *points up*
Sian Jones: Love you?
Daisy: I want your opinion... is this normal for Dan?
Daisy: *blink*
Sian Jones: I think...
Sian Jones: *carefully*
Daisy: *blink*
Sian Jones: You're walking headlong....into another deep ditch...with your eyes open.
Daisy: Translate?
Sian Jones: *sighs*
Sian Jones: You want Dan to love you.
Sian Jones: You want a romantic relationship, because you want a guy to draw strength from.
Sian Jones: To lean on.
Sian Jones: To know that he's there for you.
Daisy: *winces*
Sian Jones: To know he understands your pain.
Sian Jones: Because
Sian Jones: I've done it
Sian Jones: too.
Sian Jones: With Jackson.
Sian Jones: I've said it a hundred times.
Daisy: *sighs*
Sian Jones: And...
Sian Jones: *sighs and wishes I could diminish the force of the blow instead of making the weight hit home*
Sian Jones: You are...
Sian Jones: Setting Dan up...
Sian Jones: In your heart....
Sian Jones: To..
Sian Jones: Fulfill your emotional needs...
Sian Jones: In...
Sian Jones: the place...
Sian Jones: Of God.
Daisy: No.. never...
Sian Jones: Idolatry doesn't just come in the act of worshipping an image.
Daisy: I just feel a little empty.. with no dad to help me...
Sian Jones: I. Know.
Sian Jones: Argh.
Daisy: I just *blink* I don't know..
Sian Jones: Read this.
Daisy: Okay.
Daisy: *waiting*
Sian Jones: http://jjwatc1290.blogspot.com/2010/08/flirtation.html
Sian Jones: Thing is...anything we look to...to provide emotional stability...outside of Christ...is saying that Christ can't do it...
Daisy: *is reading*
Sian Jones: It was to show you how I viewed the guys in my life, more than anything.
Daisy: *nods* okay, I have gotten a ways through
Sian Jones: Lacking a real father relationship, and lacking brothers I could lean on, should drive me close to Christ.
Daisy: I think I get your point
Sian Jones: instead, I went looking for that from those guys.
Sian Jones: Every. Single. One. has failed.
Daisy: *sighs*
Sian Jones: Every. Single. One. has gone away, somehow.
Sian Jones: It took Jackson kicking me into sense to see that I needed to turn my heart back completely to God.
Sian Jones: Or rather - be willing to let Him take control...
Sian Jones: And not to turn to another guy, hoping against hope that this one wouldn't let me down either.
Sian Jones: I wanted Jackson there to lean on. To provide emotional security. To be someone to turn to at the end of a long rough day.
Sian Jones: I still struggle with it now.
Sian Jones: But God...is the only One...Who can actually fulfill those needs.
Daisy: Mhhmm... I don't know what it is, but somthing about having a guy there, physiclly there... to talk to, it just... helps...
Daisy: I know that God can
Sian Jones: I know it does.
Daisy: I just wish I could see him.
Sian Jones: Daisy, I know, so much understand, EXACTLY what you're going through.
Sian Jones: I'm still struggling with it. I do understand. I do know, and I do care. So much!
Daisy: *nods*
Daisy: After Charlie, I kinda feel, empty...
Sian Jones: I wouldn't even be saying all of this at the risk of hurting you if it wasn't for your ultimate good.
Daisy: *shrugs*
Sian Jones: I know.
Sian Jones: Because it FELT good.
Sian Jones: Argh.
Daisy: *nods* Yeah...
Sian Jones: I'm still seeing things in such shadow...
Sian Jones: Undefined shapes.
Sian Jones: But all I can think of is...
Sian Jones: Feelings are what the flesh work off. You know the old saying of the world - if it feels good, do it.
Daisy: *nods*
Sian Jones: Feelings are blinding, and misguiding, and can lead you so much the wrong way.
Daisy: I know...
Sian Jones: Feelings are also what makes us feel lonely, abandoned, hurt, used, neglected.
Sian Jones: See....
Sian Jones: *thoughtfully*
Sian Jones: If you turn your emotions over to God...
Sian Jones: Your feelings...
Sian Jones: Completely....
Sian Jones: And LET GO of them....
Sian Jones: Somehow all of that disappears.
Sian Jones: I don't know how to explain it.
Daisy: *nods*
Daisy: I just can't seem to do that.
Daisy: Its hard.
Sian Jones: There've been days when I've been given the grace to let go and look from a new perspective. it's so freeing.
Sian Jones: But so much "easier" when we have control. When we direct our lives to where WE want them to go, and claim it's God's way cause it's easier on us.
Sian Jones: No, you can't.
Sian Jones: I can't.
Sian Jones: No one can.
Daisy: *blink*
Sian Jones: It's full surrender, and that's one of the hardest things to do. You consciously give yourself to Christ, Just. As. You. Are.
Sian Jones: And
Sian Jones: STOP fighting Him.
Sian Jones: Pray that He shows you every time you are.
Sian Jones: (For me, it's easy to tell...I become extremely miserable. :))
Sian Jones: And then
Sian Jones: Tell Him to take it...
Sian Jones: And stop saying, I won't, or, my way.
Daisy: *nods*
Daisy: *siiigh* I would love to hear more...
Daisy: but I have to go..
Sian Jones: I would love to be granted wisdom enough to show you more.
Sian Jones: Hearing it is one thing.
Sian Jones: Listening to it is another.
Daisy: Doing is another
Sian Jones: Chew it over. Think long and hard.
Sian Jones: Meditate on it.
Daisy: I will...
Sian Jones: And don't....
Daisy: *nods*
Sian Jones: ...keep thinking, I wonder if Dan really likes me.
Daisy: *sighs* I won't...
Daisy: I'll try
Daisy: Hard.
Daisy: *small smile*
Sian Jones: I wonder if he'll always be around to provide the enveloping shield of love I need to face the world in and to fall back on when it hits me in the face.
Sian Jones: Cause...
Sian Jones: That's Christ's job.
Daisy: I won't..
Daisy: I just don't want to go over the whole "attached" thing again.
Sian Jones: You're already heading for it, sweetheart.
Sian Jones: That's why, you need to be SO careful.
Daisy: *nods*
Sian Jones: *holds tightly*
Sian Jones: If only I could've had this pain once for the two of us.
Daisy: I want him just to be my friend right now.
Daisy: *nods*
Sian Jones: In your head...
Sian Jones: And your common sense.
Sian Jones: Hearts are different issues. That's why Christ needs to reign there.
Sian Jones: Deepest emotion.
Sian Jones: I love you and God bless, sis.
Daisy: I love you too
Daisy: *hugs*
Daisy: Remember, I am not going to do anything...
Daisy: At least, try
Daisy: And I want Dan just to stay my friend... for the record.
Daisy: But that might ot stop me from wndering.
Daisy: But I will try not too
Sian Jones: I know you do. And you're terrified he'll go.
Sian Jones: Which makes you hang on tighter.
Daisy: I am.
Daisy: *sighs*
Sian Jones: *hugs and holds*
Daisy: *hugs back* Love you sis.
Sian Jones: I wish...I pray...you don't have to go through what I did.
Sian Jones: I love you too. So very, very much.
*N.B. All other names are protected apart from my own.
:) *sheds a tear*
ReplyDeleteSisterly compassion...
Ah dear this is very encouraging.
*hugs my sisters* "Thank God for sisters" :)
*hugs you back tightly* Amen to that. I will email you soon, been very busy. Got the CDs. Thank you SO much. You're such a blessing to me - you'll never know just how much.
ReplyDeletexxxxxx
*screams* Oh goodie :)
ReplyDeleteI'd love an email :)
And You're welcome Jannie
*hugs back*
That is so true. We cannot lean on a guy for love and support. It may seem that is what you are doing when you are married, but really you are relying on the Lord first and then your husband. Guys are fallen just like we are. They can't do everything for us.
ReplyDeleteNow, I am no expert on this, but I have done it. I am sorry to say, I have 'leaned' on a guy for help, love and support. And I will tell you that I am not happy what so ever when I lean on a guy rather than God. It seems like everything in my life has been turned around. That is what happens when you don't lean upon God and His word.
I just recently... as in a few days ago, had a big conversation with some good friends of mine about... well, we went into this subject. And we were talking about what would happen if you future husband was looking over or even listening in on the conversations that you had with a guy friend. Would you be scared? I shudder thinking about that. Who would you run to when things fall when you are married? Your husband or this other guy who you have told everything? That made me really start thinking. *sighs*
Just thought I would share. :)