Stumbling

I was...and probably am going to attempt...a blog post called, Dismantling the Princess View today.

Last night, I was...once again reminded of my very frail humanity and my great propensity to fall. I've asked God's forgiveness but am very uncertain as to whether I will be able to stop myself next time. In fact, I won't, but the question is whether I will lean on God's grace implicitly or ignore what I know I should do for the sensual pleasure of the moment. (And knowing what's coming up on Thursday, I'm terrified).

It's kind'a strange...ever since God brought me back to Him, He's taken on one issue after another. I haven't even dealt with one and there's another staring in my face.

Started off with idolatry...I have a major battle with not switching my computer on before spending time with God each day.

Then Sunday events and the row with my dad constantly over them...I want to end up surrendering from a Christian point of view, not because I can't take the stress.

My temper and bad language being another thing that needs control...

The fact that I've learned to switch down on pain and run away from anything that hurts - I need to actually learn to deal with pain to empathise with people, to identify with them as Christ would.

Modesty - trying to get my standard of dress back up to where it will glorify God.

Now, the purity issue that He graciously ended for me when He brought me back to Himself is obviously under test to see if it's truly surrendered to Him. WHY, Lord? You know that I work off sense and emotion and I don't even stop to think properly about what I'm doing?!

Poema ~ Steps

Why is God bringing all of these on top of me right now? I'm three weeks back and I have this to deal with. Certainly He's brought them one at a time, but I haven't finished dealing with the one before He's shown me another!

Maybe it's because of the fact that it's my second backslide...and He's trying to bring me back to where I was before and is making up for my stupid waste of time...I don't know.


There's one interesting thing that appears to be coming out though. He may not have finished working on an area in my life - very definitely not! - but He seems to be waiting until I surrender an area of my life to Him and am helpless to change and made willing for Him to take over in it, and then showing me another.

This is almost extraordinary; I don't remember it happening before. But then, I was focussing almost exclusively on reaching the Squadron for Christ, to concentrate on being made willing to become more like Him.


Anyway. I just wanted to say...I wanted to blog Dismantling the Princess View, but I'm afraid of looking and being a hypocrite for doing so. I did want to clarify kinda what was happening so I wasn't being deceitful. Please...please pray for me.

God bless.

~ Jane

Comments

  1. KatherineSunday, October 31, 2010 6:25:00 pm

    Hi Sian :)
    I just want to encourage you with a scripture :) Matthew 14 vs. 24-31:

    'But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered Him and said, Lord, if it be Thou, bid me come unto Thee on the water.
    And He said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth His hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?'

    I love reading about Peter! He is my favourite of all the disciples as he is so easy to understand and relate to!
    This scripture is like a picture of what happens when we are walking with the Lord and we take our eyes away from Him and look at what is happening around us. As soon as we take our eyes off Him and look at the events and the general maelstrom surrounding us, we begin to lose our faith and sink in the mire of it all. What does Jesus do? He takes our hand in His and brings us right back to Him, and what is more, he calms everything!
    Peter denied Jesus, I find this scripture really moving:

    'And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny Me thrice.' Luke 22 v.61.

    That must have been an indescribably dreadful moment for Peter, to remember Jesus' words and realise that he had just denied his Lord. Yet, Peter's books are in the Bible! Jesus forgave him for denying Him, and even used him to encourage millions of Christian men and women in the world!
    God is there for us, even when we stumble and find that our walk with Him a steep and, sometimes, a hard one. He understands our weaknesses and He will hold you and keep you through them all. 1 Corinthians 15 vs. 57-58:

    'But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.'

    And, finally, Proverbs 24 v.16a:

    'For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again'...

    I will be praying for you, and I am sure many others are too! God bless :)
    Your sister in Christ, Katherine xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSunday, October 31, 2010 8:01:00 pm

    I think I understood about 1/3 of what you said, but I always find this verse very encouraging.

    1 Corinthians 10:13
    No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

    Praying for you.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)

Popular posts from this blog

Outta 'Arm's Way

Image
It's painful. And it's sore. It's so sore I spend washtime dabbing water on portions of my skin because if I shower properly, I end up crying with pain. It's inherited genetically. I remember Daddy telling me his started when he was 19. It went all over his entire body - including his face. He had the wet kind - weeping, they call it - on his face. He had to go to work every day like that. And he said he felt disgusting, like a leper. Until he took aloe vera tablets, which reduced his eczema to some kind of controllable level. It started when I was a kid. Behind the backs of my knees and in the crooks of my arms. Then it faded until I only had it occasionally on the elbow of my right arm. Last year, it flared up again. REALLY bad. On my arms. Then I went to America. It was bad when I arrived. Came back a little in Oregon due to the dryness of the air. But otherwise, it was cleared. I forgot I had ever had eczema. Then I came home. And started work. ...
Read more

My Battle with Modesty

WARNING: I'm not sure about the appropriateness of this for guys...so if you think it's bad, stop reading. Okay? I read Jay Lauser’s excellent post on A New Kind of Modesty (which you really, really, really should read, though I won’t post it up seven times like my big sister C’rissie :P) yesterday, and thought I would like to blog my struggle and weakness in that area for...encouragement? General opinion? Not quite sure, although it certainly wasn’t out of self consideration. :P Then I read C’rissie’s post connected with Jay’s, A Rant on Modesty ;), which you can read here . And decided that I felt too embarrassed after reading that, because they were both so good and covered the ground enough, so I wouldn’t. Well, this morning, I changed my mind. (Although after rereading it again just, with all the comments, I feel quite small about posting this...*hits send before I rethink*) It’s not too often that I gain a victory over my worldliness to be happy in the clothes I’m weari...
Read more

Best Time of My Life ~ Now

You know those points in life where things just hit you? It came to me as I was washing up in the kitchen, snuggled in my fluffy grey dressing gown, the electric light off and the warm glow of the sunset fading in through the window, Michael Card's Celtic music playing in the background. I'm 21. And finally life seems to be coming, in a way. So many plans and hopes and dreams buzzing through my head, so much that is likely to and so easily can be smashed. "I'm fine on my own," I said aloud, laughed, looked up and sighed. These moments where I'm the only one in the house and can talk out loud on everything with God - cause He already knows it - and know the intimate closeness of Him in my spirit. "No, I'm not. But I'm okay with that. You're here, and You'll be with me until the time is right." Marriages are sprouting up all around me as my friends begin to pair off, and the middle-aged-21 crisis struck me. Not so much because...
Read more