Being Readable
I told Jay I was going to blog up on this. *crossly* In the past week, three people have said that I am readable. An open book. Predictable. Or blatantly obvious through my behaviour patterns of what I say or think.
Eeep. Have you any idea how sad that is? It basically means that a person is boring. I have flattered myself – wrongly – that I can actually hide some of what I say or think. That part of the real me, the me that makes me me, isn’t obvious to the open world.
Of course, as with most things, there must be some plus sides as well as down ones. This could be one of the reasons that people learn to trust me fairly quickly. They know who I am, what I am and that there’s no darker side to me that could turn on them sooner or later – unless they turn on me. (I won’t deny that I can be very nasty if I have been betrayed in any way – even childishly so.)
But it is incredibly annoying and disturbing to find that people can predict me easily. And that I am open. And what’s even worse is, I have no idea that I am so, in what way, and therefore have no idea how to change.
It is horrid to discover that that could be the reason why people use me to lean on for a while/have me as a friend for a while and then drop the friendship. It means they are growing more mature, and I am not. That once they have learned how to read and predict me, I soon become boring and they move on to a new person with depth of character.
I feel like a little girl for even bothering to blog this. *groan* I’ve got to change me somehow! How in the world can I stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, being such an...immature person/little girl, and build up walls to stop myself becoming hurt again?! I seriously don’t know how to go about it. :(
I know fixing my eyes on Jesus will take my eyes off myself, but is that going to change my personality to stop being such an emotional, otherwise boring nonentity?!
~ Janie
Eeep. Have you any idea how sad that is? It basically means that a person is boring. I have flattered myself – wrongly – that I can actually hide some of what I say or think. That part of the real me, the me that makes me me, isn’t obvious to the open world.
Of course, as with most things, there must be some plus sides as well as down ones. This could be one of the reasons that people learn to trust me fairly quickly. They know who I am, what I am and that there’s no darker side to me that could turn on them sooner or later – unless they turn on me. (I won’t deny that I can be very nasty if I have been betrayed in any way – even childishly so.)
But it is incredibly annoying and disturbing to find that people can predict me easily. And that I am open. And what’s even worse is, I have no idea that I am so, in what way, and therefore have no idea how to change.
It is horrid to discover that that could be the reason why people use me to lean on for a while/have me as a friend for a while and then drop the friendship. It means they are growing more mature, and I am not. That once they have learned how to read and predict me, I soon become boring and they move on to a new person with depth of character.
I feel like a little girl for even bothering to blog this. *groan* I’ve got to change me somehow! How in the world can I stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, being such an...immature person/little girl, and build up walls to stop myself becoming hurt again?! I seriously don’t know how to go about it. :(
I know fixing my eyes on Jesus will take my eyes off myself, but is that going to change my personality to stop being such an emotional, otherwise boring nonentity?!
~ Janie
Hmm... I see two misconceptions that might help clear a few things up for you. Perhaps they won't, maybe they will just make you mad. But I will give it a shot anyways...
ReplyDelete1) Readable != Boring
Seriously. I can predict Carissa like crazy. But we love talking to each other, we love talking about things together. And neither of us think the other is boring at all. So just ignore that idea you have there. ;)
2) Walls don't help. Period. Walls are the most predictable things in the world. :P
Open yourself up to God, and things work. Relationships work the way God wants them to, your life works the way God wants it to, etc.
Just an encouragement for you. :)
*rolls eyes* Yeah, well. If it was one person, I could forgive it. THREE people...isn't forgiveable. For myself, not the poor innocents.
ReplyDelete1 - Humph. C'rissie just IS interesting. *hugs her* And a dear. :) Some people don't have to put any effort in. :P *laughing*
2 - Also humph. A little more uncertainly, however. :P I like walls. *wants to hide*
The last paragraph is encouraging. Thank you. :)
I kinda know how you feel Jane. *hugs* I have a friend who can almost predict all of my actions, and another who does not know what it going to come next.
ReplyDelete*sighs* It can be hard to be readable. But God made us who we are for a reason.
With love,
~Kiehl
You are playing the victim a bit too well here. The best way to become a stronger personality is to do things without worrying over them. Learn from regret, rather than stick with what you know. Act on impulse, and test the waters. The ripples can be very revealing.
ReplyDelete