Your Christmas Card

*chuckles*

I'm lying here in a half numb, half blank, half calm (three halves, yes, I know :P) frame of mind.
Kristin just asked me how I was, and I answered, I'm thinking God is weirdly good.

Cause He is.

My mom's in need of prayer, a lot of it, especially as the first court date with my father on the 15th nears.

I'm lying here in emotional and physical pain.

And apparently I "don't have any major stress in my life", a comment I'm currently finding hard to forgive.

*smiles, thinking*

I messed up again recently. I do that frequently. And I've been convinced God's going to punish me, as usual.

If He has, He's done it in the sweetest way.

I might have lost most of the things I love, but God's shown me His love, His people, and Mom and Mr C are the most important things in life.

I might be in despair and lost in the darkness, but there's always someone out there who's more lost than me cause they haven't got the Light of the World guiding them.

My skin might be painful and my heart aching, but God's got something beautiful to do with all the pain.

My best friends - all ten of them - may have left, but He's still left people around to remind me that He does care. Even if they don't all know exactly what I am.

I might feel alone and useless, but He sent 27 people to remind me He's using me. Skype calls with my brother Brendan and his family, my daughter Kathryn and her sister and mother, chatting with my sister Kristin and the two girls I'm currently helping.

I'm still looking for jobs. I'm still praying for America. And I'm still planning on Ireland.

Oh, and yeah.

Your Christmas cards. :P

I was praying for them as I wrote them (most of them on the 15th), and I honestly...thought some of the things I was writing were weird and felt awkward in case they weren't...what I was supposed to be saying. Two comments have come back so far saying that they were exactly what was needed at a particular point in time.

Isn't God amazing? :)

And I might be as good as Balaam's donkey, but isn't it beautiful to know that He's changing me into something that speaks for Him?

Keep fighting. Keep singing. Cause there's something else I'm finding out. *smiles wearily*
I will never be always happy - and right now, am rarely happy. But I can be joyful.
And yes.
Joy is contagious.

Love in Christ,
Mademoiselle Siân