You Have Control, Sir.

I can see your heart is yearning.
Everything is so unclear.
Is the answer ever coming
After all these years?

So begins one of my favourite songs by the band 33 Miles.


At the beginning of this year, I asked God for three things, which I believe He promised me. Two of them, I will tell you.

One was that He would change me.

The second, that He would bring my family back to Him and me.


Yesterday God was very near. My heart was alive and full of joy as well as pain, for I could see two of those three coming closer.
Today He seems close but distant in a sense - because I'm struggling to talk to Him. I lose words so often nowadays. I can force them out, but they seem so empty. And the pain and tears are back. And the confusion and the helplessness.

Then we start the struggle.

My struggle to trust and love and serve Him and let go, at the same time that I'm fighting for the controls.


I went flying once and gliding twice. Each and every time we have a brief, to remind us of what to do, wear and say, and what NOT to do, wear and say.

Especially when they allow you to take the controls - which by the way is an awesome experience.

Just you and the pilot in this tiny space, close side by side, in a seat so low your knees are almost parallel with your face. You have to be soo careful not to touch the controls...with the earmuffs over your ears, all you can hear is the pilot communicating with you and the roar of the aircraft.

Then he gives you control of the aircraft.

The response of the plane to the touch is so instantaneous; the lightest brush of a touch can send it spiralling down or upwards. The view is amazing, the experience trebly worth it.


But imagine this.

Everyone goes for their own little flight. There's many clouds along the way.
Everyone is on their first experience of flying. It also happens to be their last.
The problem is, the routine is backwards. Every learner starts off flying the aircraft.
The pilot's still next to them. They just won't let him have the controls. Even though he made the plane and knows how to fly it. And most everyone manages to ditch that plane. And they never get to soar to the heights.

But there's some people that actually understand that they don't know how to fly the plane. And they ask the pilot to take control.

"You have control, sir."

And he smiles, and answers.

"I have control."

Then he tells them to keep their hands on the instruments so they can feel his moves, and he directs the moves.

Then they see the storm approaching. And freak out.

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FLY THIS PLANE!"

They snatch the control back. And he lets go, but still keeps his hands there, feeling the moves, the pain as he watches his plane and the inexperienced pilot struggling and heading downwards...

"You have control."

They answer, defiant, confidant, certain:
"_I_ have control, sir!"

But soon the storm becomes too powerful, and the plane is in a spiral nosedive towards the ground. And they turn back, tearful, to the pilot.

"You have control, sir."

And he smiles, and quietly replies,

"I have control."

That struggle is often repeated. So often, we want to take control of our lives. Of our destiny. We freak out at the storm that life is sending and snatch the controls - and send our lives in a spiral heading for the ground. God's Hands are still on the controls. He's just waiting for us to acknowledge His presence, His power, His hallmark on the aircraft of life and to relax our grip on them. For us to tell Him,

"You have control, Sir."

For us to sit back, keep our hands on the control, feel His moves and marvel at His power.

I walked back home in tears tonight. Hope given was taken away - again. But I had to re-surrender my hopes, passions, abilities, dreams and prayers - my family members, those I love, each and every situation, work, home, love, past, future and the painful present - individually to Him.

I may come back sometimes to a lonely house and empty arms, but I will never have an empty soul. God Almighty lives therein. No matter how hard it gets and how lonely the path, I must still surrender the controls back to Him.

"You have control, Sir."


It's worth the wait!
Just keep believing.
God has perfect timing - never early, never late.
It takes a little patience and it takes a lot of faith,
But it's worth the wait.

In His time, you'll be fine.
All this waiting now, is by design.