Tortured Mind

And the pitch gets louder,, and longer, and higher
And three different noises going on at once
And incessant talking
Cause of her loneliness
But it's lonely when she doesn't talk
And lonely when she does
And one job equates so many
And she goes deaf and doesn't respond
And adds to the loneliness
And the silence is great
And so much to do
And she starts to jump
The incessant noise
The aching griefs
The unbearable silence
The talking silence
Then she jumps, uncontrolled
And the tears pour without ceasing
And the comments start to come
And the gossip chain starts
SHE NEEDS TO TALK!
But she doesn't want to talk
Not to just ANYONE.
But they don't understand
And try and barge in
And she's screaming to go
And someone to come
And missing someone.
And they say it's selfcentred
And she knows it is,
and curses herself for it
The drums of the Master in the head of a mad woman.
She only wanted sanity.
Painkillers
Drugs
Alcohol
Sex
Self harm
None work
Just numb
Want to heal
How to heal?
So much distance
Now everyone.
Just her?
Or everyone else?
Going mad.
Wonder if she'll be pleading for them to take her in the end.
So much she wanted to do from this life
So much she wanted to do for God.
Wants to lead those who lean for gentle support,
Wants to help the weak and be kind to the strong,
Encourage and strengthen and point up to Christ.
Collapse on the brink
Nothing there...
God near and distant.
Failure in so much.
Useless?
At least worth something to God.
Half a soul poured out and still in the confusion
So many won't see the real thing
But will judge off the confusion
Not seeing God
Just seeing the mess...
WANT THEM TO SEE GOD
But on the brink
How can she do that?
Days seem WASTED.
Nights spent in collapsed sleep.
Disadvantages to having only friends in another country.
Too many disapproving stares
Trying to monitor and make sure you stay in the lines.
How about - unconditional love?
Can't fit in your lines.
Not unless she shuts down completely.
Can't seem to do that.
Voice goes to a high pitched thread
Music on loud
Deafening yourself?
Yeah...old age...don't want to live to see it.
Can't see an end...God...show me an end.