Soap for Jesus

Dearest Lord, *coughs and looks up, blinking hard* I guess this has been coming for a while. I'm listening to a song that says all You want is me. And it's true... I've been feeling so down and depressed recently...I know You forgave me...but every time You do, even though I'm fully aware of Your forgiveness, and start smiling and singing again, I make no move to get close to You. And that's where the problem lies...if we don't move to get closer to You, we start moving backwards, because life with You can never BE at a standstill. It's like a love relationship. It IS a love relationship. If you don't work at it, it starts to collapse. It's not I haven't wanted You...it's I wanted other things more than You. I was angry...and hating...and lonely...and numb...and...I'm sorry... I need to forgive myself for what I've done...which I can't...but to forgive myself, I need to completely accept Your forgiveness and realise that...

We cheered on the Olympians, and still more the Paralympians, with pride in our countries and awe at their amazing achievements. Those guys (and gals) sacrificed years and time and money and strength and purpose to one goal - to compete here. As Christians, we have our own Olympics to run. Our goal - which is Heaven, our struggle - which is life. And we are commanded to run in such a way as to win the prize - the prize of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus. I went to the opening of the Baptist Bible College in Telford area today. The guy who preached was Pastor David More. He talked on running the race. But not so much the beginning, as the ending. We need to end well. Many people, he said, start off enthusiastically and with zeal. But not so many end up finishing well, because they didn't run with dedication and purpose. We need to set our sights on Christ and following Him. That must be our goal. We may change immediate goals and our lives turn around in the me...

It's when I'm standing there, brushing my hair, that I realise I can't cope with the idea of another week stuck daily in an office, coming home tired, ending up exhausted, trying to do everything else and failing. Talking to people who I emotionally connect to via a telephone, who respond with briskness or harshness or apathy, most often than not. And it hurts. It's then He comes to me, close, and reminds me that He worked as a carpenter until He was thirty. Thirty years as a carpenter and three years of ministry. Then He died. And rose. And spent forty more days here. And left for Home. He reminds me of Noah, who spent five hundred years living normally. Had three sons. Then his world turned upside down - literally. He whispers of John the Baptist, who spent his life in the wilderness, until the time of his appearing to Israel. And He asks me, "Can you not do this for me? Can you not live the boring and the mundane, live the life I have placed you in ...

I just want someone to hug me...that I can collapse into, without worrying about being strong or not being a burden or trying to think about their state of mind. I just wish I didn't drain the life out of people, that there was someone I meant as much to as they mean to me. I'd just like to feel someone come alongside when the demons whisper to cut or to kill in my ears, take my hand and silently let me know they're there. I just want to know that someone reading this won't grieve over not being able to do so. I just need to find some way to deal with the searing pain, the breaking heart, the misunderstood person that everyone thinks they understand and no one is willing to accept that they don't. I just have to stare at the screen with my blank empty gaze and painfilled eyes and wonder why I can love with His heart and not bring comfort or healing and have to watch them hurting. I want the conflict between friends and family, and adopted family and fami...

I'm thankful for: The tang of fresh air untainted by petrol The soft press of the grass under my bare feet The musty odour of milch and bracken Beautiful adjectives. The English language and its amazing intricacies 3 surveys on Guernsey - one for Disabled and two for Carers; my target is three and it's going to be REALLY tough from today. 2 surveys on a new project I've been briefed on that I have to get ten a day for. God's returning of a kindness He once did through me today. A woman tapped my shoulder and handed me a packet of tissues, telling me to keep them all. She was so kind. I've always liked Richard III . I feel like he was possibly one of the most ill-treated kings by history ever - his popularity certainly suffering a stunning blow, not only from his death on the field of Bosworth to the immediate crowning of his enemy Henry VII, but also through the mysterious loss of two Crown Princes in the Tower of London - and the wonderful life-changi...

What's the reason we (a lot of us) like both Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes? -They're run by the BBC. (Which means that the production is good, not necessarily anything else.) -Steven Moffat has a hand in both. -Benedict Cumberbatch and David Tennant are two of the best actors I've ever seen. (Of course, Laurence Olivier will always be the love of my screen). -They have BRILLIANT hair. Including Matt Smith on this one. -They wear great coats. There's just something about the way the coats swirl when the actor is running or striding. -There's a chance Benedict Cumberbatch might end up on Doctor Who. Of course, all of this post was fuelled by three things. -A funny post might be slightly easing after everything else posted recently. -Doctor Who is starting again in the next few weeks. -I watched Sherlock Holmes last night. AND. I went online afterwards to try and find out (AGAIN) how Sherlock didn't die...and FOUND JOHN WATSON'S BLOG. ...

When you walk through the town centre carrying a bouquet of roses and carnations, and two lonely middle aged women jump up, sarcastically exclaiming that you've brought them flowers...so you give them one rose each, thinking that there's no one to probably give them bouquets... When you sit helplessly at work after completing an hour long survey, crying silently as the other woman on the end of the phone is sobbing so hard she can barely speak, because you've just raked up the depths of her heart...her husband with cancer newly returned, her son with epilepsy that the doctors won't diagnose...of course there was empathy and that's why it opened her... When you ride home on a bus and have a phone call telling you someone's depressed and your heart sinks into the bottom of your boots... When you make a firm and cheerful decision to move to buy a house that will saddle you with debt for twenty-five years... When you realise that you will see your father aga...