Walk On, With Hope In Your Heart

It's when I'm standing there, brushing my hair, that I realise I can't cope with the idea of another week stuck daily in an office, coming home tired, ending up exhausted, trying to do everything else and failing. Talking to people who I emotionally connect to via a telephone, who respond with briskness or harshness or apathy, most often than not. And it hurts.

It's then He comes to me, close, and reminds me that He worked as a carpenter until He was thirty.
Thirty years as a carpenter and three years of ministry.
Then He died.
And rose.
And spent forty more days here.
And left for Home.

He reminds me of Noah, who spent five hundred years living normally. Had three sons. Then his world turned upside down - literally.

He whispers of John the Baptist, who spent his life in the wilderness, until the time of his appearing to Israel.

And He asks me, "Can you not do this for me? Can you not live the boring and the mundane, live the life I have placed you in now, and continue to prepare - through the pain? Trust Me."


I wake up this morning, and fears are full and hope seems to be destroyed with a few short words.
Hope that had arrived on my doorstep glowing so bright that I couldn't help but hope, even though I knew it would probably fade. It seemed too good to be true.

And I close my eyes and despair at the vision of the life ahead. In debt and working to survive at twenty wasn't really my life's dream.

Then I open up my laptop, and read a message from Mama Lauser.

"God is working in your life. It is hard, I know...it is painfully hard and hurts excruciatingly at times but you are doing things that make a difference in peoples lives. You can't see it right now, much of the time, but you are making a difference.
I am thankful for you. I am thankful you are my daughter that I got to adopt. I see so much in you...I see Christ in you as you love and help others.

Sian, you are made special by God in His image! You are going through an extreemly hard time right now, hang on to God and keep trusting Him. I know it seems so dark at times, but remember that even inthe darkest of time God is with you. Look to Him when you are tempted to hurt yourself. Trust Him to help you. Talk to the "Wonderful Counnselor" who knows more about your needs and troubles than any earthly counselor ever could. *smiles* I love you, Dear."

And I remember the messages from my OYAN friends when I abandoned the site's Facebook page in loneliness and despair earlier in the week, telling me - You belong. You make a difference. We can see God in you.

And I realise...if that is all my life is - it must be worth it. I daren't look ahead to another day more than I have to. And if I have to hope blind to make it to another day, I will, and I'll face the pain that hits me as it comes and when I have to.

But for people to see Christ in me - that's the goal of my life. That's what I want. That's the only thing worth living for. And the only reason worth dying for. If people can't see Christ in your life through your death, then I doubt it's time for dyin'.
Yes, I'm telling myself there.

Before I finish up, I want to send two little videos that I want you to click. Please. For me.
(By the way, it's awfully hard to dispose of long hairs! O.o)





When you walk through a storm,
Hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of the lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone!
You'll never walk alone.


In His love always,
~Mademoiselle Siân