Glargh. A Whinge.

I just want someone to hug me...that I can collapse into, without worrying about being strong or not being a burden or trying to think about their state of mind.

I just wish I didn't drain the life out of people, that there was someone I meant as much to as they mean to me.

I'd just like to feel someone come alongside when the demons whisper to cut or to kill in my ears, take my hand and silently let me know they're there.

I just want to know that someone reading this won't grieve over not being able to do so.

I just need to find some way to deal with the searing pain, the breaking heart, the misunderstood person that everyone thinks they understand and no one is willing to accept that they don't.

I just have to stare at the screen with my blank empty gaze and painfilled eyes and wonder why I can love with His heart and not bring comfort or healing and have to watch them hurting.

I want the conflict between friends and family, and adopted family and family, and family and family to STOPPPPPPPP! Or at least stop smashing into me.

I just wish...for five minutes...that someone totally understood. Or totally understood that they didn't. But accepted what I was, what I am, didn't treat me like a child and treated me like I really mattered, instead of needing to be babied or bossed or talked over, and listened to me and actually cared what I thought, listened to it and considered it.

I want my head to stop splitting. Which it will do when I stop writing this, go downstairs and try to balance four chats and one IRL.

If it wasn't love, it wouldn't hurt.

I want to know why God isn't flesh-and-blood to hold me.

~Siân