An Addiction to Cutting
One of the worst things for cutters, in my experience/dealings, is when withdrawing...even the mildest cutter has an almost overpowering urge to cut for little to no reason.
It is an addiction, it is a dreadful one, and I beg anyone out there considering trying it - don't. Even worse than the self harm which leaves permanent damage, if not physically, then emotionally, is the powerful urge after leaving it to continue punishing oneself for an angry mood, a sour temper, a bad day - in short, anything you feel is your fault and you want to punish yourself for.
The effort to fight off that urge is very difficult, and can lead to devising other ways of self harm. The problem is, when you're doing it, you feel like you're punishing the person who deserves it.
You can even get into a self-satisfied victim mode; I've punished me, I'm content.
Starting it is dangerous. You think you're a coward if you don't, and that you're a coward if you do. As with drugs, you end up having to get worse and worse to try to compensate as your body gets used to the levels of pain. It eventually ends up something familiar to turn to when things go wrong, in a sense as comfort.
As a human, I appeal to your common sense. Your life is worth something, even if it seems like it isn't. Cutting yourself scars you for life, emotionally, mentally, physically. Mentally you kick into the idea that you're not worth anything more than this; emotionally you allow the victim mode to take over. Physically, your body can't keep healing itself over and over.
As a Christian, I appeal to the Bible. Your body isn't your own, and you have no right to go around destroying it. Your life is Christ's. The troubles you are going through are trials from His Hand to test your faith and your leaning on Him. He doesn't want you to turn to yourself and damage yourself for what's beyond your control. He wants you to turn to Him and pray, memorise Scripture, absorb yourself in Him like a sponge until you are lost in Him and He will carry you through.
How do you know if someone's a cutter? It can be hard to easy. Usually it's people you'd least expect, but often it can be someone who is shy and withdrawn.
One of the notable things in my experience (and I've dealt with several cutters) is that it's usually linked to a pornography addiction or some sexual problem/sin or other, whether theirs or someone else around them (ie, abuse of them, of someone they know, etc). There's only been one person I know of that this didn't (appear to) apply to. So it is generally a guilt factor.
What to do if someone turns to you with a cutting problem (whether you find the cause or not)? Point them to the Lord. Encourage them to go to someone older that they can trust - and that will take time. If there is no one they feel they can trust, then try and win their permission to go to someone you trust.
There isn't any way you can stop anyone cutting. Believe me, I know - I've tried. One of the worst problems of you dealing with someone like that is that you end up feeling guilty for being unable to stop it.
It isn't your problem. If you need to, take time to step back and emotionally get a hold on yourself. You might think you can handle it incessantly without let up, but eventually you will crash - emotionally, physically or both, and it could show itself in any form - even to you turning to cutting.
Christians, remember to constantly to turn to God when dealing with this issue. You can't help anyone without consistently relying on Him and His strength.
I'd like to thank Mrs. Beals and Daniel Beals for their insight into this issue; for those friends of mine that have and do cut for trusting me with it, and I renew my promise to you to pray for you; to Kyle, Kyle (I know four of those!) and Dandi for holding my promise to stop cutting myself.
I know I haven't handled this topic as well as I could, but the desperation inside me as I fight my own battle pleads to send an appeal to those who could be teetering on the brink. Please, don't. There are people who love you, care for you and want to help you. Reach out and save yourself, or leaning over the edge, you may find yourself falling further than those you reached to help.
God bless you.
~Janie
It is an addiction, it is a dreadful one, and I beg anyone out there considering trying it - don't. Even worse than the self harm which leaves permanent damage, if not physically, then emotionally, is the powerful urge after leaving it to continue punishing oneself for an angry mood, a sour temper, a bad day - in short, anything you feel is your fault and you want to punish yourself for.
The effort to fight off that urge is very difficult, and can lead to devising other ways of self harm. The problem is, when you're doing it, you feel like you're punishing the person who deserves it.
You can even get into a self-satisfied victim mode; I've punished me, I'm content.
Starting it is dangerous. You think you're a coward if you don't, and that you're a coward if you do. As with drugs, you end up having to get worse and worse to try to compensate as your body gets used to the levels of pain. It eventually ends up something familiar to turn to when things go wrong, in a sense as comfort.
As a human, I appeal to your common sense. Your life is worth something, even if it seems like it isn't. Cutting yourself scars you for life, emotionally, mentally, physically. Mentally you kick into the idea that you're not worth anything more than this; emotionally you allow the victim mode to take over. Physically, your body can't keep healing itself over and over.
As a Christian, I appeal to the Bible. Your body isn't your own, and you have no right to go around destroying it. Your life is Christ's. The troubles you are going through are trials from His Hand to test your faith and your leaning on Him. He doesn't want you to turn to yourself and damage yourself for what's beyond your control. He wants you to turn to Him and pray, memorise Scripture, absorb yourself in Him like a sponge until you are lost in Him and He will carry you through.
How do you know if someone's a cutter? It can be hard to easy. Usually it's people you'd least expect, but often it can be someone who is shy and withdrawn.
One of the notable things in my experience (and I've dealt with several cutters) is that it's usually linked to a pornography addiction or some sexual problem/sin or other, whether theirs or someone else around them (ie, abuse of them, of someone they know, etc). There's only been one person I know of that this didn't (appear to) apply to. So it is generally a guilt factor.
What to do if someone turns to you with a cutting problem (whether you find the cause or not)? Point them to the Lord. Encourage them to go to someone older that they can trust - and that will take time. If there is no one they feel they can trust, then try and win their permission to go to someone you trust.
There isn't any way you can stop anyone cutting. Believe me, I know - I've tried. One of the worst problems of you dealing with someone like that is that you end up feeling guilty for being unable to stop it.
It isn't your problem. If you need to, take time to step back and emotionally get a hold on yourself. You might think you can handle it incessantly without let up, but eventually you will crash - emotionally, physically or both, and it could show itself in any form - even to you turning to cutting.
Christians, remember to constantly to turn to God when dealing with this issue. You can't help anyone without consistently relying on Him and His strength.
I'd like to thank Mrs. Beals and Daniel Beals for their insight into this issue; for those friends of mine that have and do cut for trusting me with it, and I renew my promise to you to pray for you; to Kyle, Kyle (I know four of those!) and Dandi for holding my promise to stop cutting myself.
I know I haven't handled this topic as well as I could, but the desperation inside me as I fight my own battle pleads to send an appeal to those who could be teetering on the brink. Please, don't. There are people who love you, care for you and want to help you. Reach out and save yourself, or leaning over the edge, you may find yourself falling further than those you reached to help.
God bless you.
~Janie
Well said Sian. Not many people will address this issue, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment and the encouragement! *hug*
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
very mature perspective. I pray you will come through your dependency on the pain and punishment to dependency on Christ in the hurt. I believe as well as reading praying and 'turning to Jesus' ( which can be easier said than done sometimes) I would exhort cutters to talk to someone they can trust ( as you said further down) AT THE MOMENT THEY FEEL TEMPTED.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers Sian.
*hugs* Thank you for posting this, Janey.
ReplyDeleteEven though the topic is cutting, it can apply to many forms of addiction, and the feelings that accompany it. This was a great encouragement for me. I've been sweating out my own struggle recently (not cutting) and this was the little boost I needed today.
You're a blessing, dearest. *huggles*
Not only guilt, but inadequacy.
ReplyDeleteGood post. :) I knew someone who cut, and gave him the same advice you mentioned, and rejoiced when he was able to stop. I've never done it, but I have my own addictions, and this certainly applies. :)
ReplyDelete