Soap for Jesus

(As most of you know, I'm in Overland Park, Kansas, staying with the Noe family for the One Year Adventure Novel - OYAN - Workshop 2012. Today, June 23, is the day after the workshop ended.) Sarah Noe is wearing a very cool t-shirt. It has on the back "Live, Move, Be", and a Scripture reference in Acts. I likey. I'm struggling to find words to say what's in my heart, so for right now, I'm just going to type out the little speech thingie I gave last night just before the final session ended. I was shaking, writing this. I wrote it and struggled with words, and re-read to find out that it said a lot that struck the chords inside of me, but nothing that really seemed to say my deepest emotions. I debated backing out of reading it...and the only reason I wrote it was so I'd stand less chance of crying on stage. I prayed God would bless it and that it would be used to bless, but it felt totally inadequate and I wasn't expecting Him to. I know this...

In modern society, there are many new phases and phrases of "expressing ourselves". There are also many new open forms of behaviour - not merely tolerated, nor even accepted, but promoted and taught by subtlety, blatantly and through constant, thorough inculcation. Most of these began in the last century. From 1,900 years of fairly slow changing, there has been a sudden rush of things generally considered "unacceptable" being promoted in the highest degree. Most of these are not really "human rights-centred", as much as being "me-centred". Not as much about correcting incorrect morality - such as the freeing of slaves - as about ensuring the comfort of individuals, which has now enforced the point of freedom of speech so harshly that most of the liberties it grants are curtailed. For example, you are allowed, encouraged and firmly supported to announce that you are gay/homosexual. Even if I like you and am your friend, I am not allowed to ...

Rode home on the bus yesterday after work, for the usual 45 mins - 1 hour after work. My friend Adam from up north was chatting me about half of the way home, bless him, which helped quite a bit. The remainder of the time I went from crying to calm to crying, until the other passengers asked if I was okay. >.> I had my Bible with me (I usually take it to work as the only time I get to read it is on my breaks) and randomly opened it for comfort, for a sign, for anything. I'd already flipped through it several times a day and found the marked passages from before that brought no comfort or meaning at all to a despairing heart. I opened it this time, looked down through tear-blurred eyes and my gaze fell upon Jeremiah 31:16,17. Thus says the Lord, “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears; for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord, “And they will return from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future,” declares the Lord, “and your ...

They say that there is a silver lining to every cloud. An added unique tint to every note of a song of pain. And sooner or later, in every darkness, the shadow reduces just enough to see a faint outline, or a glimmer. God. Is. Totally. Amazing. In case you didn't catch that before. GOD IS SO AMAZING!! This is a testimony blog post, so if you don't likey, you has permission to click the big red X. :D I'm typing this freshly awake from my lengthy sleep, which was induced by five hours of mowing and strimming the gardens yesterday (which look amazing, according to Mom! :D) moving heavy pots around and hauling three fence panels upright (while the neighbour man watched me. Nice guy.) It's kinda funny, cause the last time I cut the grass (Uncle Peter has done it since then, except no one did it in the winter months) was the night before I flew out to Kansas. I looked up at the planes flying over in the twilight and the stars beginning to twinkle, thinking, tomorr...

It's an interesting title. For a blog post. It'll be even more interesting as a film - if it gets made. “To Turn Back Time” is the story of John, who has just graduated college, when he wakes up one morning to discover that his long deceased father is alive. After getting to know his father—something he’s longed for his entire life—he discovers his dad’s presence isn’t the only thing that’s different. The rest of his family has changed too, along with his own ability to help his girlfriend Alyssa through the death of her mother. In the end, he’s faced with a terrible choice: to stay in the world where his father lives and lose the man he’s become, or give it up for the sake of the love of those around him. The story of “To Turn Back Time” is intensely personal to writer / director, Keifer Lucchi, who lived through the death of his father at the age of seven. As memories and buried emotions started to resurface, Lucchi allowed himself to deal with what had happe...

There's many times that people ask me, "Don't you wish you could live your life over?" "Don't you wish your life was easier?" "Wouldn't you have rather had a normal life?" I think about it a lot. In fact, as days pass and pain increases and it becomes so intensely hard to find new things to praise Him for, to trust Him and lean on Him and stop leaning on my own strength, to collapse into His arms and through faith alone trust Him to carry me through and not stoop to my own pain-coping methods...to not doubt and despair and turn back into the darkness... I even sometimes start to say those things myself. Some people even doubt that I have a capacity for feeling pain. Some people have asked me, even after seeing me working with tears streaming down my face, how it is that I am so happy all the time. I know people think I'm a happy-go-lucky fly-me-by butterfly who dances through life on a whim. I know people can think me intensely childish...

Literally. These two quote are from yesterday. (Began 22-10-11 or 10-22-11) I put my little orange Testament from Texas on my desk yesterday and walked away to get some water. Ryan, my coworker, said as I went by: "Is that a Bible on your desk?" Me: "Yes, it's a Testament. Are you a Christian?" *hopefully* Ryan: "No, I like to call myself an atheist. But it's good to see some people have faith." -- I went to the water fountain and stepped aside to let coworker Becca go first. She responded by wriggling with helpless frustration and said, "Ohhhhh! I really don't like you!" Another coworker waiting laughed and said, "Well that's nice first thing in the morning!" Becca answered, "It's because she's so NICE! Always opening doors for people, etc." I walked away and grinned. Maybe, maybe, MAYBE, God is shining through!! :D -- Kushan is a Hindu. He worked next to me for a day or so. I was having a good day on ...

A friend and I were chatting this morning about the pink blouse I was wearing. Friend: "Jay would flip if he saw you in that top!" (Yes, I do talk about you guys to offline people :P) Me: *winces* "Yeah..." And my thoughts sail back to the time I spent with the Lauser family and how...simple and innocent and safe it felt. And how something inside looked at their contentedness and ease in their style of clothing, and how I envied it. And also, how their clothing made them stand out as a simple, happy and obvious witness for Christ. Then ensues the conversation about how it wasn't about the amount of skin you showed, but the attitude of the heart, and that we can't really help the clothing that's issued us by today's society... Yeah, that's all right, but there's something more... I by no means dress immodestly, but some of my clothes could call for a higher standard - although I also by no means ever intend to go burqa crazy. But the girl who ...

You know the ink tattoos. Some people like them, some people regard it as too near the real thing to not be almost a sin. I'm not debating, but I do partial compromise. :P On days when I need to remember stuff, I'll use my arm as a piece of paper. It's far less likely (hopefully!) to get lost than paper is! Some things one needs to remember are dates, times, places, to-do items. Other times - it's a simple Biblical truth. If you remember, one of my favourite recent ones has been "Love Endures Everything". For the purposes of this blog, we'll narrow it down and say that there are two kinds of love. Sentimental romantic love, based off feelings and emotional spurts, and true love, based off something much deeper. The first type is what most of today's early marriages are made off, and that is why there are so many divorces. People promise for better or for worse, and when the tough times come and attempt to tear them apart, it's easily done because t...

Warning: Unsuitable for children under the age of 14. "I am having a lot of difficulty with my feelings about late abortions - and all the pain that's there so much of the time after the baby is moving. So one day, in a need to arrive at a measure of clarity, I went into the room where they keep the fetuses before burning them. They were next to the garbage cans in papers buckets, like the take-home chicken kind. I looked inside the bucket in front of me. There was a small naked person in there, floating in a bloody liquid. He was purple with bruises and his face had the agonised tautness of one forced to die too soon. I then took off the lids of all the buckets and with a pair of forceps lifted each fetus out by an arm or a leg - leaving, as I returned them, an additional bruise on their acid-soaked bodies. Finally, I lifted out a very large fetus and read the label - Mother's name: C. Atkins; Doctor's name: Saul Marcus; Sex of the item: Male; Time of gestation: 24 we...

Standing at the airport in Houston...okay. Okay, maybe I wasn't standing. I was...dancing. Yep. To "Caramelltanzen" (:P), "Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble, then to "Sing, Sing, Sing," "Our God" and "No Chains on Me" by Chris Tomlin. By the third time round of Chris Tomlin, I was very much aware of God's presence around me, to the point of looking around and wondering why no one else could sense it. I noticed a couple of people watching me after a while. I suppose a young woman in two long, loose dresses and a t-shirt with long hair and no make-up dancing publicly was a bit noticeable. :P I used to care, but I try not to any more. Have you ever noticed how restricting caring about people watching you is? You try to blend in. Or else, stand out in a way that fits the mold. Make up. Clothes that aren't too extreme. Moving in the approved way - walking, not skipping, or dancing. As I watched the people aro...

This blog post has been coming for four weeks. During the "message" yesterday, it exploded. Why do we need CCM in the church? It's cause it's the only time that people feel ALIVE! To get some kind of psyche to get feeling towards God, we have to use music to feel alive. Why? The CCM is rarely based on God. It's all based on us and on our feelings towards God. "How lovely is the Lord" is probably the most you get in the first line - then "how my heart longs for and EVEN faints for You." "I love You endlessly." (Like we do...?) How WE feel towards God. Why is there nothing like the wonder of the hymns of 'Love Divine', 'Amazing Grace'? No soul repentence, little adoration of God. It's all spiritual sensuality - because worshipping by feeling is the only way people feel alive. The reason people sleep around so much before marriage? Because in their boring lives, it makes them feel ALIVE. The music does the same ...

I nearly crashed last night, and it was only by the grace of God that I didn't go fully down. This morning leads to repentance with tears, as I realise that like Peter, who is coming to be one of my favourite Biblical characters in that I can identify with him in several ways, I took my eyes off Christ, Whose power gives me the strength to stand, and looked at the roaring waves around me. Indeed, they are steep. As I type this, I am uncertain whether and cannot find out if my father is dead or living. My brother attacked my mother again yesterday, bruising her already bruised leg again, and leaving me with much fear for my trip to the USA. On top of that, I spent nearly two hours in a minibus with cadets yesterday, where nearly every song had horrible swear words that even I would never use or else had hidden to blatant sexual connotations. (I was the only girl in a group of four boys.) The whole trip there and back was spent in tears. And we wonder why our kids end up the way they...

My introductory OYAN topic reads as follows: "I am Jane. Jane Johnson. The Brit. Some of you have never heard of me. Some of you have heard fact that is stranger than fiction. Some of you recognise me as legendary as Robin Hood. I hear fables and fantasies woven around my name that startle me. Now is your chance to see the real me. I have changed since I joined OYAN at 15 years of age. I am now approaching 19, and though I rarely visit (for now), I always feel like I'm coming home when I step onto a topic or see my friends gather round, or even occasionally step inside the chat. I never find a chat stay solemn for long when I'm around. I was a girl; now I am a young woman. I've gone through some fairly unusual trials and troubles, some brought on myself, others sent to bless. Yes, to bless, for God has taught me how to see His hand in the troubles. I am British - 3/8 English, 1/8 Irish and 1/2 Welsh. My real name is Sian, but I prefer Jane from my American friends, as ...

Due to high demand on the reading of the first chapter of my sequel to this, Emerging From Death, to read this first book, I thought I would tantalise my readers by posting a small synopsis of the book. It is the year 2012. Britain has been under the control of Europe for 3 years. Religions everywhere are joining together, believing that they are worshipping the same god in different ways. Only "fundamental" Christians who believe that Jesus is the only Way to Heaven, and fundamental Muslims who believe that Allah is the only god and that he has no Son - therefore every other religion should be exterminated - are against this, and they are imprisoned for "hatecrime". In the midst of this turmoil, good and evil come face to face in two ex-members of the Air Training Corps; ex-cadet Abbie Thomas, a Christian, and ex-sergeant Peter Westcott, an atheist. Battles that were left unresolved since Squadron days due to political correctness are now re-engaged with violence...

I've considered posting this for a long while, but I haven't before, due somewhat to uncertainty of what to say. This is a chat between a best friend of mine and myself, just before the start of the return from my backsliding in November last year. I couldn't see what he was saying. I wanted to. But I couldn't. I've never known the frustration of knowing the truth and being unable to see it. But afterwards, I began to pray every day that God would show me how to love with His love. That was when things began to change. Taylor Weller: Are you alright? Sian Jones: *pounces and hugs * Taylor Weller: :) Sian Jones: No. I mean. I suppose so. Sian Jones: I will be. Sian Jones: I guess. Taylor Weller: :/ Taylor Weller: Tell me about it. Sian Jones: I've got such a headache. Sian Jones: I was okay. As you know. For the last two days. Taylor Weller: Yes. Sian Jones: And then today...I don't know. ... (Part removed due to personal nature) Sian Jones: And then Mom and...