Wondering and Wandering

Recently, I've been watching so many people change, grow away, start courting, get engaged, get married, have their first child - or even their second, and/or go to university, start their job, start a company...

These are people I grew up with, people I knew, people I watched struggle through dark times or watched as they forged a path to their dream...or are still fighting. It feels strange to be on the sidelines, living quietly, watching them now. It is their turn to be the mainplayers on the stage of life.
Watching my friends and acquaintances form a new world...change this current one - both for good and for an evil they cannot even imagine is coming.

And there's me...
Trotting back and forward every day to work, going home, occasionally travelling, starting a project here and an event there, blogging here, posting there, watching the sky, always dreaming and somehow never quite getting done...

Someone can say a word, a phrase, and more and more recently, this song has started playing in my mind...  


Tell me where,
Where is it written
What is it I was meant to be?
That I can't dare...
It all began the day I found..
That from my window I could only see
A piece of sky.
I stepped outside and looked around.
I never dreamed it was so wide
Or even half as high.
The time had come
(Papa, can you hear me?)
To try my wings
(Papa, are you near me?)
And even though it seemed at any moment I could fall,
I felt the most,
(Papa, can you see me?)
Amazing things,
(Can you understand me?)
The things you can't imagine
If you've never flown at all.
Though it's safer to stay on the ground,
Sometimes where danger lies
There the sweetest of pleasures are found.
No matter where I go,
There'll be memories that tug at my sleeve,
But there will also be
More to question, yet more to believe..
Oh tell me where?
Where is the someone who will turn and look at me?
And want to share
My ev'ry sweet-imagined possibility?
The more I live - the more I learn.
The more I learn - the more I realise
The less I know.
Each step I take -
(Papa, I've a voice now!)
Each page I turn -
(Papa, I've a choice now!)
Each mile I travel only means
The more I have to go.
What's wrong with wanting more?
If you can fly - then soar!
With all there is - why settle for
just a piece of sky?
Papa, I can hear you...
Papa, I can see you...
Papa, I can feel you...
Papa, watch me fly!

Wistful words and haunting something...

The desire for more.

I guess I'm the ordinary one.
I wanted to change the world, but in the end, people who never dreamt that they would are and will.

It's my call to be an ordinary dreamer...what will I dream, and will they always be shapeless, half-formed wishes and words?
Probably. 

There's one thing that makes me a step out of the ordinary with a foot in both worlds - I don't crush the half formed dreams with the hard-stepping reality.


His always,
~Siân

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