Soap for Jesus

I just want someone to hug me...that I can collapse into, without worrying about being strong or not being a burden or trying to think about their state of mind. I just wish I didn't drain the life out of people, that there was someone I meant as much to as they mean to me. I'd just like to feel someone come alongside when the demons whisper to cut or to kill in my ears, take my hand and silently let me know they're there. I just want to know that someone reading this won't grieve over not being able to do so. I just need to find some way to deal with the searing pain, the breaking heart, the misunderstood person that everyone thinks they understand and no one is willing to accept that they don't. I just have to stare at the screen with my blank empty gaze and painfilled eyes and wonder why I can love with His heart and not bring comfort or healing and have to watch them hurting. I want the conflict between friends and family, and adopted family and fami...

I'm thankful for: The tang of fresh air untainted by petrol The soft press of the grass under my bare feet The musty odour of milch and bracken Beautiful adjectives. The English language and its amazing intricacies 3 surveys on Guernsey - one for Disabled and two for Carers; my target is three and it's going to be REALLY tough from today. 2 surveys on a new project I've been briefed on that I have to get ten a day for. God's returning of a kindness He once did through me today. A woman tapped my shoulder and handed me a packet of tissues, telling me to keep them all. She was so kind. I've always liked Richard III . I feel like he was possibly one of the most ill-treated kings by history ever - his popularity certainly suffering a stunning blow, not only from his death on the field of Bosworth to the immediate crowning of his enemy Henry VII, but also through the mysterious loss of two Crown Princes in the Tower of London - and the wonderful life-changi...

What's the reason we (a lot of us) like both Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes? -They're run by the BBC. (Which means that the production is good, not necessarily anything else.) -Steven Moffat has a hand in both. -Benedict Cumberbatch and David Tennant are two of the best actors I've ever seen. (Of course, Laurence Olivier will always be the love of my screen). -They have BRILLIANT hair. Including Matt Smith on this one. -They wear great coats. There's just something about the way the coats swirl when the actor is running or striding. -There's a chance Benedict Cumberbatch might end up on Doctor Who. Of course, all of this post was fuelled by three things. -A funny post might be slightly easing after everything else posted recently. -Doctor Who is starting again in the next few weeks. -I watched Sherlock Holmes last night. AND. I went online afterwards to try and find out (AGAIN) how Sherlock didn't die...and FOUND JOHN WATSON'S BLOG. ...

When you walk through the town centre carrying a bouquet of roses and carnations, and two lonely middle aged women jump up, sarcastically exclaiming that you've brought them flowers...so you give them one rose each, thinking that there's no one to probably give them bouquets... When you sit helplessly at work after completing an hour long survey, crying silently as the other woman on the end of the phone is sobbing so hard she can barely speak, because you've just raked up the depths of her heart...her husband with cancer newly returned, her son with epilepsy that the doctors won't diagnose...of course there was empathy and that's why it opened her... When you ride home on a bus and have a phone call telling you someone's depressed and your heart sinks into the bottom of your boots... When you make a firm and cheerful decision to move to buy a house that will saddle you with debt for twenty-five years... When you realise that you will see your father aga...

So were the famous words of Neville Chamberlain as he stepped off an aeroplane waving the White Paper - a signed declaration off Hitler stating that (in essence) he did not intend to make war with Britain. Of course, a few weeks later, Hitler violated his word by attacking and ultimately conquering Poland, and finally, after having slept through the rapes of Austria, the Sudentenland, Czechoslovakia and Danzig, Britain declared war on Germany. Neville Chamberlain declared peace for his time. No war for a country choosing to close its eyes in fear of a war that it dreaded. However, his words were truer than he realised. There is peace in all of our times. Even in the midst of the war, in our life battles - there is peace in our time. I mentioned not long ago that God has been teaching me trust and hope. I'm learning that peace is intrinsically bound up with these. The possession of peace is not a result. As with love, peace is a choice - a choice to trust God with what we ...

Today's praise and thankfulness list! Tomorrow is Friday! We get to dress down, so I can wear a t-shirt and denim. :D I'm going out with Mom almost every Saturday to places all over Britain. This Saturday we're going to a castle and the beach in Wales! God put good friends in my life. :) Friends who mentor me, encourage me and try to heal my insecurity without shunning me because of it. My new fantasy novel, which I'm intensely intrigued by (it was started by a dream as I had a nap on my desk at work). I've just applied to a singing concert in Solihull, thanks to my sister's Auntie Chris who knows all the right places to go. :D I just have to pay and show up! I have my 425 Squadron hoodie and my 196 Squadron t-shirt. *happy* I'm getting better at dancing with Mr. Invisible. ;) Work is going well at the moment and my bosses are happy with me. :) Dreams of going for flight attendant, depending on how things work out. Plans seem to be m...

Blubbing seems to be my favourite pastime during services at the moment. God is so loving, so tenderly caring, so very gentle. When we expect condemnation, He tends to show more of His mercy and grace. When we're being arrogant and big-headed and hard-hearted, that's when He tends to break us. Although I admit, you can be broken by love. It's one of the most beautiful things in this world. Last week, Pastor Steve preached on hope. For a girl who'd been struggling a lot the past week and was wrapped in despair...it broke me with love. The main line that I took away from it was: Hope in God when there is none - and He will give you hope. Kristin Dodd, who I met at the Workshop 2012 and tried to reach out to help, has become MY help in so many ways. My little Hope Box, I call her. She drills into me, quite literally, not to despair and "Esperanza" - hope. God is so good... Then this week. There's been financial worry and other worries all week....

Because apparently I turn into a mind-drugged zombie for five days out of seven. Which is truth. :P :D I've just finished a candlelight dinner date with my Mother. *smiles* She's an absolute genius at cooking. It was chicken and some veg in a creamy sauce with some...side dish that I've totally forgotten cause I was concentrating on the main part. :P With mango and a quarter tub of icecream for pudding. I know, right?! After a lovely day out at Beeston Castle in Cheshire, (in my unique style of Rebelution blue t-shirt, sapphire blue skirt looped up at the sides to display my Union-Jack-cross-Stars-and-Stripes leggings, red rose earrings and purple flower), which has to be one of the largest castles in the UK, we also bought some finery (which we don't really need) which was quite enjoyable. (Charity shops are gorgeous.) I met an enchanting little lad who loved my singing. We spent half an hour on the charity bus while Mom ran off to get some money from the cashp...