An Interviewer's Insanity
So. I wrote this random little skit today in between calls. (Yes, I was dialling! Just scribbling at the points when the phone was ringing.)
This is taken from the perspective of a snobbish receptionist (ie, briskly efficient that disposes of researchers as wastes of precious time) and an interviewer driven mad/crazy by no surveys, non-stop calling and rude refusals.
R: Receptionist
I: Interviewer
M: Manager
(Interviewer stops banging head off the desk, assumes a calm air, picks up the phone and dials.)
R: (pleasantly) Hello, this is Denise Arrington-Smith, secretary to Lord Harry Poncenby of the Willoughy Estates Learning and Support School. Can I help you?
I: Hello! My name is Emily Willis and I'm calling on behalf of the Sunday Times. Can I speak to Lord Poncenby please?
R: (suspiciously) Oh, I'm sorry...what did you say your name was again?
I: (politely cheerful) Emily Willis.
R: And your company name?
I: I'm calling on behalf on the Sunday Times.
R: Is that where you're calling from?
I: (leans back and stares at the ceiling) Inquisition Time!
R: Oh...from the Inquisition Times. Okay. Please hold the line.
I: What line? Where?
R: This line.
I: I can't see or hear a line! Apart from the one I'm speaking right now!
R: (snappishly) Just wait! (puts on hold)
(holding music)
I: (to self, musing) Of course, it could be a line of music... (is sitting holding the phone cord in the air carelessly) Wait? For how long?
R: (returns)
I: (is singing loudly along to the holding music)
R: (clears throat) Hello?
I: I'm waiting. You didn't say how to wait or how long for!
R: (ignores) I'm sorry, but the line is engaged.
I: Really?! Who to? When's the wedding? (adopts professional tone) Is there anyone else I could speak to please?
R: (deep breath) Just bear with me.
I: (cuts in before the hold starts) (quotes Shakespeare) "For my part I had rather bear with you than bear you." Unless of course you are a bear, which would explain the strange noises currently coming from your end down the phone...
R: (stiffly) I'm sorry, Mr Jamison isn't free right now either.
I: (excited) Oh! I didn't know he was on sale at ALL!
R: (slams down phone)
M: (had been monitoring the call) (stalks over) (furious) You're fired!
I: (squeals) Ohhh! I'm a gun?!
(fade out)
* * *
I really wish I could get this performed. :P It would be hilarious - at least for me...and apparently Mom who was laughing insanely when I read it to her. :P
Some of this stuff I DO say...but addressed to the screen or a depressed colleague. :P
God bless!
Mademoiselle Siân
This is taken from the perspective of a snobbish receptionist (ie, briskly efficient that disposes of researchers as wastes of precious time) and an interviewer driven mad/crazy by no surveys, non-stop calling and rude refusals.
R: Receptionist
I: Interviewer
M: Manager
(Interviewer stops banging head off the desk, assumes a calm air, picks up the phone and dials.)
R: (pleasantly) Hello, this is Denise Arrington-Smith, secretary to Lord Harry Poncenby of the Willoughy Estates Learning and Support School. Can I help you?
I: Hello! My name is Emily Willis and I'm calling on behalf of the Sunday Times. Can I speak to Lord Poncenby please?
R: (suspiciously) Oh, I'm sorry...what did you say your name was again?
I: (politely cheerful) Emily Willis.
R: And your company name?
I: I'm calling on behalf on the Sunday Times.
R: Is that where you're calling from?
I: (leans back and stares at the ceiling) Inquisition Time!
R: Oh...from the Inquisition Times. Okay. Please hold the line.
I: What line? Where?
R: This line.
I: I can't see or hear a line! Apart from the one I'm speaking right now!
R: (snappishly) Just wait! (puts on hold)
(holding music)
I: (to self, musing) Of course, it could be a line of music... (is sitting holding the phone cord in the air carelessly) Wait? For how long?
R: (returns)
I: (is singing loudly along to the holding music)
R: (clears throat) Hello?
I: I'm waiting. You didn't say how to wait or how long for!
R: (ignores) I'm sorry, but the line is engaged.
I: Really?! Who to? When's the wedding? (adopts professional tone) Is there anyone else I could speak to please?
R: (deep breath) Just bear with me.
I: (cuts in before the hold starts) (quotes Shakespeare) "For my part I had rather bear with you than bear you." Unless of course you are a bear, which would explain the strange noises currently coming from your end down the phone...
R: (stiffly) I'm sorry, Mr Jamison isn't free right now either.
I: (excited) Oh! I didn't know he was on sale at ALL!
R: (slams down phone)
M: (had been monitoring the call) (stalks over) (furious) You're fired!
I: (squeals) Ohhh! I'm a gun?!
(fade out)
* * *
I really wish I could get this performed. :P It would be hilarious - at least for me...and apparently Mom who was laughing insanely when I read it to her. :P
Some of this stuff I DO say...but addressed to the screen or a depressed colleague. :P
God bless!
Mademoiselle Siân
XD So funny. ^.^
ReplyDelete*laughs* That was great, Janey! (Thy blog hath changed! 'Tis pretty! :)
ReplyDelete<3 Dri
ROFL
ReplyDeleteThis made my day. <3
*laughs* I love it! You should totally get it recorded.
ReplyDeleteChazak!
- Hannah
Great skit - that's hilarious! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. :P I'd reaaaaaally still like to get it performed. :P
ReplyDelete