An Interviewer's Insanity

So. I wrote this random little skit today in between calls. (Yes, I was dialling! Just scribbling at the points when the phone was ringing.)

This is taken from the perspective of a snobbish receptionist (ie, briskly efficient that disposes of researchers as wastes of precious time) and an interviewer driven mad/crazy by no surveys, non-stop calling and rude refusals.


R: Receptionist
I: Interviewer
M: Manager

(Interviewer stops banging head off the desk, assumes a calm air, picks up the phone and dials.)

R: (pleasantly) Hello, this is Denise Arrington-Smith, secretary to Lord Harry Poncenby of the Willoughy Estates Learning and Support School. Can I help you?

I: Hello! My name is Emily Willis and I'm calling on behalf of the Sunday Times. Can I speak to Lord Poncenby please?

R: (suspiciously) Oh, I'm sorry...what did you say your name was again?

I: (politely cheerful) Emily Willis.

R: And your company name?

I: I'm calling on behalf on the Sunday Times.

R: Is that where you're calling from?

I: (leans back and stares at the ceiling) Inquisition Time!

R: Oh...from the Inquisition Times. Okay. Please hold the line.

I: What line? Where?

R: This line.

I: I can't see or hear a line! Apart from the one I'm speaking right now!

R: (snappishly) Just wait! (puts on hold)

(holding music)

I: (to self, musing) Of course, it could be a line of music... (is sitting holding the phone cord in the air carelessly) Wait? For how long?

R: (returns)

I: (is singing loudly along to the holding music)

R: (clears throat) Hello?

I: I'm waiting. You didn't say how to wait or how long for!

R: (ignores) I'm sorry, but the line is engaged.

I: Really?! Who to? When's the wedding? (adopts professional tone) Is there anyone else I could speak to please?

R: (deep breath) Just bear with me.

I: (cuts in before the hold starts) (quotes Shakespeare) "For my part I had rather bear with you than bear you." Unless of course you are a bear, which would explain the strange noises currently coming from your end down the phone...

R: (stiffly) I'm sorry, Mr Jamison isn't free right now either.

I: (excited) Oh! I didn't know he was on sale at ALL!

R: (slams down phone)

M: (had been monitoring the call) (stalks over) (furious) You're fired!

I: (squeals) Ohhh! I'm a gun?!

(fade out)

* * *


I really wish I could get this performed. :P It would be hilarious - at least for me...and apparently Mom who was laughing insanely when I read it to her. :P

Some of this stuff I DO say...but addressed to the screen or a depressed colleague. :P

God bless!
Mademoiselle Siân