Soap for Jesus

Weird statement. ;) But it's true. I wrote a status earlier saying not to make me one of your close friends, unless you're my daughter. I can't have close friends. The closest I get are friendships where I lean completely on them and they don't need me at all, or where they lean on me and I can't share with them because it would wreak havoc with them. People have this mind concept that if you share with them, they must instantly start looking after you and bottling themselves up. I do not agree with that system, but I currently buy into it because I can't find another way out. Plus, and don't get all weepy eyed or sneery over this, I'm used to my friendship being treated casually. People are happy if I'm there and not particularly bothered if I'm not. They move on, life moves on, oh dear she's not there any more, sad-happy memories, bye bye. If people take a step anywhere near to my heart, I clam up. I'm brilliant at small talk,...

A day. It's an incredible short space of time. I paused for three seconds just and listened to the clock tick them. Three seconds of my life. Gone. Isn't it so short a span of time? Faith. Hope. Trust. Three things that God is trying to teach me and I am struggling with so greatly. Stop and read those words individually for a moment and think about what each of them means. We tend to bind the three of them together so easily. Think about the end of 1 Corinthians 13 - faith, hope, love, abide these three - but the greatest of these is love. Do you stop to separate the meanings of them out? I fail to, very often. But faith; hope; trust. Bound together by love. Love is the greatest of all. Notice, when one of them fails, the others weaken. Interesting. The last two weeks have been a haze of pain for me. I go through a couple of days (on a usual cycle) where I rotate through riding on faith, hope and prayer and preaching it, to allowing things to smash through th...

It's eight impossibly quick days into January. The first I spent travelling up from London. The second I fell down the stairs, nearly fainted, threw up and ended up down A&E/ER, spending the rest of the day in bed, and Mom nearly had a car accident. The rest of the days have been working or housecleaning and trying to do online stuff. The 9th and the 10th are hospital appointments - both my sister and I are having an ECG. The 15th is my parents' first divorce hearing in court to settle the finances. February/March I should hear back from Britain's Got Talent. Two things have been torn away to the point where I'm seriously considering future association with them - the Air Training Corps and OYAN. I'm growing stronger and more confident. I can feel it within myself and am slightly uncertain and a little fearful how to take it - as usually this comes before a huge storm. I've finally, four years too late, decided which career paths I'm inter...

Imagine - I don't care whether you're the imagining type or not, close your eyes and imagine here :D - imagine you're on the edge of a dark forest, looking out across a field of fresh snow. The sun is about to rise, and as the first few glints bounce off the ground, you see that the snow is completely white, pure, unbroken. It looks. Totally. Stunning. Purity does. :) There's no way home except to cross that field. But as you look down at your feet, you realise that there's a mess of gunk and black stuff and mud and slime covering your wellies, from walking through the forest. But you're a snow lover and you really don't want to spoil that snow. Cautiously, you step to a nearby stream of crystal clear, flowing water and one at a time, take each boot off and wash it. Cause after all, you've only got two choices. To trail the gunk of the forest into the pure clean unmarked snow, or to walk out with fresh clean steps. It's called a New Year,...

*chuckles* I'm lying here in a half numb, half blank, half calm (three halves, yes, I know :P) frame of mind. Kristin just asked me how I was, and I answered, I'm thinking God is weirdly good. Cause He is. My mom's in need of prayer, a lot of it, especially as the first court date with my father on the 15th nears. I'm lying here in emotional and physical pain. And apparently I "don't have any major stress in my life", a comment I'm currently finding hard to forgive. *smiles, thinking* I messed up again recently. I do that frequently. And I've been convinced God's going to punish me, as usual. If He has, He's done it in the sweetest way. I might have lost most of the things I love, but God's shown me His love, His people, and Mom and Mr C are the most important things in life. I might be in despair and lost in the darkness, but there's always someone out there who's more lost than me cause they haven't go...

As Time itself drew to a close in Earth's final days, the system of life seemed to have gone back several hundred years. Feuds, wars between kings and knights that fought on horseback...beheading as capital punishment had become ways of life once more. One could almost believe that old TV shows and films, like Doctor Who, were a reality, for there were upon the Earth many strange beings, the like of which had never been seen from the dawn of Time until now. There arose a great and powerful Dark Knight who rode through the land, calling all the people who dwelt there in apparently ordinary lives to arms. For a millennium, the world had lain quietly under the guidance of one King who reigned supreme in Jerusalem, capital of the much torn land of Israel. Yes...the problems of the world had centred around this one small city in one tiny country, as the book of ancient prophesy had foretold it to be a stumbling block. And once more, a King reigned in Jerusalem as had not been his l...

Hands cradling a tall, slim mug of hot chocolate, I leaned back in the red leathery chair and stared at the patterned white ceiling. Music from John Waller - "While I'm Waiting" played low in the background. I'm waiting, Lord. But peaceful? Oh yeah...painful. And not easy? Boy, that's an understatement. I hate my hurting heart. Still trying to figure out how pain like that can be so bad that it physically hurts. Raising my left hand, I stared, blank, at the wedding ring on the fourth finger. Using my knees to hold the mug, I twisted the ring, as usual, looking for the join, but it's never there. Why? Because it's a perfect circle. No beginning; no ending. It's endless. Love endures everything. I'm blinking back more tears as I'm writing this. Apparently it is possible to cry for two days. This is God's love for us. And this is how we should love one another. Love is patient . Love is kind. Love is not jealous . Love does...