Curveball January
It's eight impossibly quick days into January.
The first I spent travelling up from London.
The second I fell down the stairs, nearly fainted, threw up and ended up down A&E/ER, spending the rest of the day in bed, and Mom nearly had a car accident.
The rest of the days have been working or housecleaning and trying to do online stuff.
The 9th and the 10th are hospital appointments - both my sister and I are having an ECG.
The 15th is my parents' first divorce hearing in court to settle the finances.
February/March I should hear back from Britain's Got Talent.
Two things have been torn away to the point where I'm seriously considering future association with them - the Air Training Corps and OYAN.
I'm growing stronger and more confident. I can feel it within myself and am slightly uncertain and a little fearful how to take it - as usually this comes before a huge storm.
I've finally, four years too late, decided which career paths I'm interested in, for now - gardening, cabin crew and law (more secretary role).
I've learned I need to focus on daily surrender of individual things, gifts, people and situations to God.
And I'm realising I have to let go of heartaches for old and gone friendships with old and soon-vanishing-out-of-my-life people. And move on with the people I have.
I'm organising my life to take a phone call from my sister Sarah on Monday, visit my brother Joseph on Tuesdays and Thursdays, visit my sister Samantha on Wednesdays, visit my brother Simon and family once a month, my uncle and aunt once a month, and hopefully take my nephew Jamie out for a weekend every month or two months.
Things are becoming clearer. Pain is focusing into certain areas and I'm learning to grieve in certain situations - although I still cry randomly at things I haven't figured out yet.
My autobiography is growing and I'm hoping and praying that as soon as I have things written down, the more I can put to rest.
I'm a writer, yes, but that seems to be more forming around my blog and my autobiography. Was I born to write that only? Maybe. It's worth it.
I'm praying hard for an answer to prayer that, in either answer, will definitely curve my life to one path or another.
I don't think it's the end of the curveballs. But I'm pretty sure that the close people now - Kristin, Jay, Mother, Mama Lauser, Keifer and Brendan (perhaps) and hopefully Kyle - won't be leaving any time soon.
And I'm pretty sure that this tapestry is still under construction. I might be looking at the knots, but He's looking at the finished picture.
HelpStopSuicide -ust posted this on Twitter - To believe something you cannot see, you must believe it is worth seeing.
Reminds me of my new favourite song by John Waller:
Faith is the evidence of things I cannot see.
And faith is the confidence that You are holding me.
Stepping out, breaking through
All my doubts and all I thought I knew.
Yes, you've never lived until you've lived
You've never lived until you've lived by faith.
Praying to grow,
~Mademoiselle Siân
The first I spent travelling up from London.
The second I fell down the stairs, nearly fainted, threw up and ended up down A&E/ER, spending the rest of the day in bed, and Mom nearly had a car accident.
The rest of the days have been working or housecleaning and trying to do online stuff.
The 9th and the 10th are hospital appointments - both my sister and I are having an ECG.
The 15th is my parents' first divorce hearing in court to settle the finances.
February/March I should hear back from Britain's Got Talent.
Two things have been torn away to the point where I'm seriously considering future association with them - the Air Training Corps and OYAN.
I'm growing stronger and more confident. I can feel it within myself and am slightly uncertain and a little fearful how to take it - as usually this comes before a huge storm.
I've finally, four years too late, decided which career paths I'm interested in, for now - gardening, cabin crew and law (more secretary role).
I've learned I need to focus on daily surrender of individual things, gifts, people and situations to God.
And I'm realising I have to let go of heartaches for old and gone friendships with old and soon-vanishing-out-of-my-life people. And move on with the people I have.
I'm organising my life to take a phone call from my sister Sarah on Monday, visit my brother Joseph on Tuesdays and Thursdays, visit my sister Samantha on Wednesdays, visit my brother Simon and family once a month, my uncle and aunt once a month, and hopefully take my nephew Jamie out for a weekend every month or two months.
Things are becoming clearer. Pain is focusing into certain areas and I'm learning to grieve in certain situations - although I still cry randomly at things I haven't figured out yet.
My autobiography is growing and I'm hoping and praying that as soon as I have things written down, the more I can put to rest.
I'm a writer, yes, but that seems to be more forming around my blog and my autobiography. Was I born to write that only? Maybe. It's worth it.
I'm praying hard for an answer to prayer that, in either answer, will definitely curve my life to one path or another.
I don't think it's the end of the curveballs. But I'm pretty sure that the close people now - Kristin, Jay, Mother, Mama Lauser, Keifer and Brendan (perhaps) and hopefully Kyle - won't be leaving any time soon.
And I'm pretty sure that this tapestry is still under construction. I might be looking at the knots, but He's looking at the finished picture.
HelpStopSuicide -ust posted this on Twitter - To believe something you cannot see, you must believe it is worth seeing.
Reminds me of my new favourite song by John Waller:
Faith is the evidence of things I cannot see.
And faith is the confidence that You are holding me.
Stepping out, breaking through
All my doubts and all I thought I knew.
Yes, you've never lived until you've lived
You've never lived until you've lived by faith.
Praying to grow,
~Mademoiselle Siân
Change must be in the air. Things are coming clear for me as well here in early January.
ReplyDeleteI praise God He is allowing you to see these things you've mentioned in your own life. I will continue to pray that he work in these matters and help untangle the knots which remain.
<3 you sis!
In Christ,
Pipsie