Message of Grace
I just finished reading an encouraging note sent to me by Sarah Beth regarding a question I'd asked about From Self-harm to Victory earlier in the day.
I don't know about you, but messages of encouragement always make me cry. And feel guilty.
As much as I publicise my weakness so that people see who I am and who Christ is, I still feel like a fraud. That I'm blazoning myself for glory and my actions as good works.
That people still can't see the real me.
They're suspicious of me, and so am I.
And it's hard to carry on being me and showing so much weakness. Do you know how hard it is to be openly weak? To listen to others discourage you and to despise yourself for it?
She praised me for humility and I could only cry knowing how much I fight with pride.
Then I stopped and listened.
Because Someone was telling me to let go of my guilt and shame and accept what she said. Not as praise for me, but as praise for Him in me. Praise from Him to me.
No, I'm not humble. Yeah, I fight with pride. But the Lord in His mercy let His humility show in me.
And I'm thankful.
Thankful for the message. Thankful for Sarah Beth's blessing and for her. And thankful for the grace of the Father and the care that He showed me in telling me to stop raising the barrier of shame and guilt when confronted with words of encouragement and praise. To let go on my fear and to praise Him for who He is in me, and to thank Him truly for the blessing.
In His love always,
Siân
I don't know about you, but messages of encouragement always make me cry. And feel guilty.
As much as I publicise my weakness so that people see who I am and who Christ is, I still feel like a fraud. That I'm blazoning myself for glory and my actions as good works.
That people still can't see the real me.
They're suspicious of me, and so am I.
And it's hard to carry on being me and showing so much weakness. Do you know how hard it is to be openly weak? To listen to others discourage you and to despise yourself for it?
She praised me for humility and I could only cry knowing how much I fight with pride.
Then I stopped and listened.
Because Someone was telling me to let go of my guilt and shame and accept what she said. Not as praise for me, but as praise for Him in me. Praise from Him to me.
No, I'm not humble. Yeah, I fight with pride. But the Lord in His mercy let His humility show in me.
And I'm thankful.
Thankful for the message. Thankful for Sarah Beth's blessing and for her. And thankful for the grace of the Father and the care that He showed me in telling me to stop raising the barrier of shame and guilt when confronted with words of encouragement and praise. To let go on my fear and to praise Him for who He is in me, and to thank Him truly for the blessing.
In His love always,
Siân
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)