When Love Bleeds
Recently, it was the birthday of The Dude.
It was kinda a hard day, despite this place of constant peace and resting the Lord has provided.
It took a bit of pondering, over the past few weeks, whether or not to send a birthday greeting. After all, he totally blanked (probably forgot, you know what men are like :P ) my birthday this year, in spite of our past friendship of seven years.
The one part was going, "Well, I want to ignore him. He ignored me. Maybe I should just leave it to public holiday greetings from now."
The catty, angry, self-righteous part wanted to send him a greeting, just to say to myself that at least I did the right thing.
And both of them were holding back because, well, I don't want to give in to the self-righteous part. I want to love him right and purely.
In the end, I sent it. Because holding back isn't an option. When you love, you give all, whether or not it's returned. It's a rejoicing day because someone is alive, someone is unique, someone is special and so precious to the Father.
It's an adjustment of attitude, not a holding of action. It's choosing to send a greeting and to rejoice for the gift of a life, of being blessed with love for that life. Love is giving, not taking. Love is the way Jesus loved us. He gave all, knowing He'd get nothing in return, for the joy of loving us.
And that, tonight, makes me weep.
"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing."
It doesn't matter if I feed a million people, bring joy through kind words, inspiration through struggle, hope through the blackness. Because half of that, unsubmitted to Christ, can be to bring attention and glory to me.
It's the constant seeking of His face, to know His soul and His heart, that will bring the truest love out.
Now as ever, I watch Him teach me through love. A love that brings me great pain, and yet turns my face to His and thus brings me great joy.
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."
I don't love him like this. I don't love you guys like this. I've tried and done wrong and hurt a lot of people that I love. But I want to.
I don't want to love like that for me. I want to love like that so I'll be closer to Him.
Fumbling makes sense somewhere, right? I pray He makes it clear. <3
In His love always,
Siân
It was kinda a hard day, despite this place of constant peace and resting the Lord has provided.
It took a bit of pondering, over the past few weeks, whether or not to send a birthday greeting. After all, he totally blanked (probably forgot, you know what men are like :P ) my birthday this year, in spite of our past friendship of seven years.
The one part was going, "Well, I want to ignore him. He ignored me. Maybe I should just leave it to public holiday greetings from now."
The catty, angry, self-righteous part wanted to send him a greeting, just to say to myself that at least I did the right thing.
And both of them were holding back because, well, I don't want to give in to the self-righteous part. I want to love him right and purely.
In the end, I sent it. Because holding back isn't an option. When you love, you give all, whether or not it's returned. It's a rejoicing day because someone is alive, someone is unique, someone is special and so precious to the Father.
It's an adjustment of attitude, not a holding of action. It's choosing to send a greeting and to rejoice for the gift of a life, of being blessed with love for that life. Love is giving, not taking. Love is the way Jesus loved us. He gave all, knowing He'd get nothing in return, for the joy of loving us.
And that, tonight, makes me weep.
"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing."
It doesn't matter if I feed a million people, bring joy through kind words, inspiration through struggle, hope through the blackness. Because half of that, unsubmitted to Christ, can be to bring attention and glory to me.
It's the constant seeking of His face, to know His soul and His heart, that will bring the truest love out.
Now as ever, I watch Him teach me through love. A love that brings me great pain, and yet turns my face to His and thus brings me great joy.
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."
I don't love him like this. I don't love you guys like this. I've tried and done wrong and hurt a lot of people that I love. But I want to.
I don't want to love like that for me. I want to love like that so I'll be closer to Him.
Fumbling makes sense somewhere, right? I pray He makes it clear. <3
In His love always,
Siân
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)