Soap for Jesus

This past weekend, I attended a Youth Conference (along with one of my UK besties, Stephanie, and my twin, Joseph) at Bethel Free Baptist Church in Birmingham. What I was expecting ran something along the lines of: 1) Listen to preaching and be fed 2) Sit awkwardly on the sidelines and fail miserably at interacting 3) Spend the weekend watching and listening What actually happened was totally different. God moved this weekend. I watched young people recommit their lives to the Lord. I recommitted my life to the Lord. I gave Him the burden of my broken heart and prayed for release. It's still broken, but He's got the burden of it now and the joy is...unspeakable. I watched my Stephie change from a girl who is shy and self-controlled, though happy, start singing in public - something she would never do even if I begged, though she'd do anything else. I watched as she stepped out on the streets to witness - which she was scared sick of. I watched her cry, and go to ...

There's a hole in my heart that cannot heal. Most of the time, I'm running. I'm learning to run with a smile, now. God is, slowly but surely, teaching me to find joy in every circumstance; to see His blessing Hand throughout the sadness. There's one problem I'm still having, though. It's learning to praise Him for the pain. I can thank Him for using the pain - and have, even to using the loss of the one I loved most, for I watched Him do it even as I lost him. I run from pain. Hate it. And now I'm running from him. From every single memory that he was ever in. I reconstruct my life and future without him, focusing on keeping busy, being productive, serving God. But the hole is there. And I run. It's harder than it should be to store everything away. When Taylor told me that to break free of the darkness and despair, I had to love, I randomly picked someone and tried to love them with God's love because I felt I had to. I didn't realise...

There's just something I want to close up today's mass of posts (particularly on Facebook, though also attempted on Google Plus and a few on Twitter) with, before I go to my corner chair with my fluffy blanket and Sherlock Holmes DVD. I truly hope that today has shown, not just from me, but from the others who have been (and on the other side of the pond, still are) participating in our Singles' Valentine, where our hearts and love truly lie. Being single is not something to be morose and sad about. It's a joy to be able to focus heart, life and mind in, around and on Christ. Even if we feel the sting of rejection, or not being wanted, we know there IS Someone Who wants us, Who made us, Who rejoices in us, and Who loves us completely. Today is our day to celebrate loving and living for Him. He has loved us unconditionally. His love drove Him to die for us, to bear all our sins, and to conquer death by rising from the grave. But that wasn't the end of it. No. Fo...

Pain has got me smothered in a choking atmosphere. No matter where I turn, something else hurts me. There's no light in the darkness, and I'm convinced that God has turned a blind eye or deaf ear - or worse, that He doesn't care about me at all...that I'm not really His child. I want to run, find some dark corner and curl up with my misery and find ways just to make it through to another day. I just want to run . I hate Who I've Been . And somehow, somewhere, someday, I've got to. I just have to. I WILL Survive . But then...now it's time to choose...the harder choice. How do we make it through pain? Who gives us the next breath? Who is the Source of peace and joy? Only there are we going to find any rest. Come, Now Is the Time To Worship , for after all, only In Christ Alone can our Hope be found. God wants us just as we are - and the only way to even begin to fight the monster is to wield the Sword of the Spirit - and focus in on the Lord. No matt...