2016 ~ A Life is for Changing
Once I thought I was going to do something big, not change the world, but make a mark on it for the good.
Then I mucked up.
Then I struggled back with the marks and the stains and the scars.
Then I got married.
Then I realised that my life was going to consist of losing/distancing friends, working incessantly, budgeting like crazy, a few hard-clung-to times with my new husband while realising more and more that family and parents are getting older, bigger, growing, moving on. There are new goals in life - saving money, buying a house, having kids.
Social life reduces down to a few shared news articles, playing a few e-games people tag you in, and sharing other people's posts. Any significant news in your life may not want to be shared by another person, so you leave it in the quiet.
People 'like' or 'read' your news in decreasing numbers.
Your impact on life is minimal.
And your days march on.
I like change. Within a controlled or known measure.
I don't like uprooting. Or limitations I haven't imposed.
When writing my husband's Christmas card, I included a little timeline of all the achievements from this year...and realised that most of them were his.
He moved in on January 1st. We applied for the marriage licence on January 11th. We got married on March 5th. He left his job on the day his visa came through - April 11th - and started his new job in London on April 17th. He travelled between the two for three months, and then got a new job back up here in August. In October, his friend recommended him at another company and he got a fourth job there in November. He started driving in September and passed his test within a few weeks on a crash course.
I got married, worked and gained a new job role in December this year (for which I hasten to add, I am very, very thankful) as Coding Supervisor. Oh - and I got my family started on drinking raw milk again. :D
Am I being jealous? Maybe. Maybe it's an aftermath of the Rebelution - we can all do great things. Well, we can - I'm not dissing that. But not everyone in life is going to be captain of a Navy ship at the age of 14. Who would be the cabin boy? I tell myself. But it doesn't feel very good to be the cabin boy.
Does it feel great to be shoving through life in a half-depressed state, wearing away at myself and the people around I'm clinging desperately to. How to let go? Verbal batterings of "welcome to the real world" or "about time you got your head out of those clouds" don't help the adjusting. In fact, it makes life look even darker.
There's a list of goals here that I've set myself for 2017, but looking at them, I know that even half of them won't be achievable, because of - mainly - trying desperately to make money (see first goal).
I guess the courage behind that is carrying them forward until they are achieved.
*Buy a house
*Attend a Con and cosplay again
*Pick up my friendships again
*Get a singing coach and work towards becoming a professional singer #dream
*Learn Hindi to converse in basics
*Pick up learning Welsh
*Start dancing
*Learn rock/mountain climbing
*Travel round the UK with my favourite guy
There's a verse in the Bible that it's really hard to do right now.
Colossians 3:1-3 reads: "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
I have only one life. Yes.
I want to live it to its fullest. Yes.
I love/d people. Yes.
I can't do everything. Yes.
And when all of this passes away and only one thing is left - eternity - my soul is the only thing that will matter; not necessarily what I've done in my life, but what I've done with it. The small things done to the best of my ability, for Him; the money raised for my family, for Him; the work done hard and faithfully, for Him.
I keep telling myself all this, but struggle keep track on it. Eyes are down, not up. I'm glad not many people read this any more!
Keep marching on.
In Christ,
Siân
Then I mucked up.
Then I struggled back with the marks and the stains and the scars.
Then I got married.
Then I realised that my life was going to consist of losing/distancing friends, working incessantly, budgeting like crazy, a few hard-clung-to times with my new husband while realising more and more that family and parents are getting older, bigger, growing, moving on. There are new goals in life - saving money, buying a house, having kids.
Social life reduces down to a few shared news articles, playing a few e-games people tag you in, and sharing other people's posts. Any significant news in your life may not want to be shared by another person, so you leave it in the quiet.
People 'like' or 'read' your news in decreasing numbers.
Your impact on life is minimal.
And your days march on.
I like change. Within a controlled or known measure.
I don't like uprooting. Or limitations I haven't imposed.
When writing my husband's Christmas card, I included a little timeline of all the achievements from this year...and realised that most of them were his.
He moved in on January 1st. We applied for the marriage licence on January 11th. We got married on March 5th. He left his job on the day his visa came through - April 11th - and started his new job in London on April 17th. He travelled between the two for three months, and then got a new job back up here in August. In October, his friend recommended him at another company and he got a fourth job there in November. He started driving in September and passed his test within a few weeks on a crash course.
I got married, worked and gained a new job role in December this year (for which I hasten to add, I am very, very thankful) as Coding Supervisor. Oh - and I got my family started on drinking raw milk again. :D
Am I being jealous? Maybe. Maybe it's an aftermath of the Rebelution - we can all do great things. Well, we can - I'm not dissing that. But not everyone in life is going to be captain of a Navy ship at the age of 14. Who would be the cabin boy? I tell myself. But it doesn't feel very good to be the cabin boy.
Does it feel great to be shoving through life in a half-depressed state, wearing away at myself and the people around I'm clinging desperately to. How to let go? Verbal batterings of "welcome to the real world" or "about time you got your head out of those clouds" don't help the adjusting. In fact, it makes life look even darker.
There's a list of goals here that I've set myself for 2017, but looking at them, I know that even half of them won't be achievable, because of - mainly - trying desperately to make money (see first goal).
I guess the courage behind that is carrying them forward until they are achieved.
*Buy a house
*Attend a Con and cosplay again
*Pick up my friendships again
*Get a singing coach and work towards becoming a professional singer #dream
*Learn Hindi to converse in basics
*Pick up learning Welsh
*Start dancing
*Learn rock/mountain climbing
*Travel round the UK with my favourite guy
There's a verse in the Bible that it's really hard to do right now.
Colossians 3:1-3 reads: "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
I have only one life. Yes.
I want to live it to its fullest. Yes.
I love/d people. Yes.
I can't do everything. Yes.
And when all of this passes away and only one thing is left - eternity - my soul is the only thing that will matter; not necessarily what I've done in my life, but what I've done with it. The small things done to the best of my ability, for Him; the money raised for my family, for Him; the work done hard and faithfully, for Him.
I keep telling myself all this, but struggle keep track on it. Eyes are down, not up. I'm glad not many people read this any more!
Keep marching on.
In Christ,
Siân
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)